[steelfang]

I liked this guy on and off since my freshmen year in high school. I am pretty sure he liked me in freshman year as well and know for a fact he liked me a lot junior years since he asked me to a movie and tried to hold me hand once in the hallway. I freaked out and rejected his advances (in a kind way). It turns out I have Borderline which explains some of it.

We are both 19 and haven't seen each other since we were 16. We have had sporadic phone calls/texts/Facebook messages which are always initiated by me. I honestly don't mind this since he always sounds glad to hear from me. It's not small talk, but we aren't sharing deep secrets.

He's in town for the holidays and I asked him out to a movie. We will probably eat after. He accepted and seemed happy about it via text. I know people with Asperger's may not appreciate touching, but I would really like to hold his hand and hug, maybe kiss if the mood is right, as I have wanted to do for years. I just don't want to make him uncomfortable.

I would appreciate Some input as to how I should approach this situation. The last thing I want to do is cross a line, but I want to make my message clear.

[Confusedinomicon]

Talk to him? I don't think you usually initiate those behaviors unless both parties agree there's some chemistry and that you're on a date. (In the hero-normative sense)

[manwithnofriends]

eh? how do you know he has asperger's? he seems like an outgoing person to me...

[steelfang]

Originally Posted by manwithnofriends

eh? how do you know he has asperger's? he seems like an outgoing person to me...

His best friend told me when this guy was into me. He's pretty awkward socially and says the wrong thing a lot, including to me. But his friend said he was pretty much only flirty with me in high school.

I think you should go on a date and talk to him. Get to know him. Go out a few more times. You can tell him that you're interested in him. The physical stuff will happen when the time is right. No need to rush it and make yourself or him uncomfortable. Hang in there!

Originally Posted by steelfang

I liked this guy on and off since my freshmen year in high school. I am pretty sure he liked me in freshman year as well and know for a fact he liked me a lot junior years since he asked me to a movie and tried to hold me hand once in the hallway. I freaked out and rejected his advances (in a kind way). It turns out I have Borderline which explains some of it.

We are both 19 and haven't seen each other since we were 16. We have had sporadic phone calls/texts/Facebook messages which are always initiated by me. I honestly don't mind this since he always sounds glad to hear from me. It's not small talk, but we aren't sharing deep secrets.

He's in town for the holidays and I asked him out to a movie. We will probably eat after. He accepted and seemed happy about it via text. I know people with Asperger's may not appreciate touching, but I would really like to hold his hand and hug, maybe kiss if the mood is right, as I have wanted to do for years. I just don't want to make him uncomfortable.

I would appreciate Some input as to how I should approach this situation. The last thing I want to do is cross a line, but I want to make my message clear.

As a father of a child with aspergers and suspect I have it myself, I must say this is not something that will happen easily. Do not push too hard for physical connection right away. It is not that touching is going to be a bad thing but it's not comfortable except with those that you are very intimate with emotionally first.

Please do not take his reserved methods as not liking you. I have had that happen. As a kid, a girl liked me and I got the courage to as her to be my gf. It lasted all of a day (we were only in like 8th grade or something) and she broke up with me. I could not get myself to hold her hand or show any public affection for her. I wanted to, but it was pretty much impossible. She thought I was weird and ended it later that day. D: But anyway...

You can initiate touch, but keep it brief and don't go overboard with it. Don't try to kiss him unless you know he wants you to or you specifically verbalize your desire to kiss him. He may or may not be open to it but don't catch him off guard by just spontaneously trying or he might completely go into his shell.

Hope this helps!
S4

[purplegiraffe1]

as a person with aspergers, and that also has sensory issues involving touch, I would suggest that you ask him very directly if he would be ok with you holding his hand, or touching him first. Make sure to ask the question directly, and very clearly. Many people with this condition like myself take things very literally.

[Emma83]

My bf I always suspected he was on the autism spectrum. He told me once, unless a girl specifically states she likes him he doesn't know or assume otherwise. Always have to be direct. So I guess the best thing to do is be direct and ask him. Don't play games either. Just try your best to be honest with him, tend to have trust issues at times.