[peacockgirl298]

I am seeing a guy who is 40 (I am 26), he has three children 10, 13, and 17. I have one son who is 3. I grew up in a home with constant competition with my step sister because my step mother showed her favortism over me. In saying that please understand I am very careful in my treatment of his vs. mine in our relationship. We all live together in my home. His 3 kids are consistently breaking my 3 year olds toys as they are not made for them, I wait for a response from their father and one never comes...all I ever recieve is an abrasive disposition and a "oh well, I will look at it tomorrow and it never happens. My true issue the one I am seeking advice upon comes to play with the 17 year old. He is rude, disprespectful and down right mean to everyone IF he feels like it. He is only held accountable for his actions by his father if the behavior is exhibited toward him. If he does it to me and I say something to his father I get the whole "your the adult say something to him" or "I dont think he meant it like that". Now when I was 17 years old I had a very tramatic incident occur at a party one night. I would rather not go all into detail as it is humiliating and I would rather forget. However, the 17 year old found out about this from an old friend of mine (we live in a very small town), and he came home and asked about it. I was honest with him and talked to him about it and explained that I do not like to hear about all the time. So please do not share as it hurts my feelings. About 2 months ago in a large group of people he shared the information as a joke. Although, it can be percieved as funny it is hurtful to me. I shared this with him again and asked that he please not do that to me anymore. Yesterday at FAMILY CHRISTMAS in front of a large group of people (not my family, theirs) he does it again....AS A JOKE!!! I tried shutting him down, changing the subject but he kept on with the story!!!!!!!! I said something to his father and got the "your the adult speech" what do I do as this behavior is making me want to shut down emotionally and turn bitter!

Thoughts?

Originally Posted by peacockgirl298

I am seeing a guy who is 40 (I am 26), he has three children 10, 13, and 17. I have one son who is 3. I grew up in a home with constant competition with my step sister because my step mother showed her favortism over me. In saying that please understand I am very careful in my treatment of his vs. mine in our relationship. We all live together in my home. His 3 kids are consistently breaking my 3 year olds toys as they are not made for them, I wait for a response from their father and one never comes...all I ever recieve is an abrasive disposition and a "oh well, I will look at it tomorrow and it never happens. My true issue the one I am seeking advice upon comes to play with the 17 year old. He is rude, disprespectful and down right mean to everyone IF he feels like it. He is only held accountable for his actions by his father if the behavior is exhibited toward him. If he does it to me and I say something to his father I get the whole "your the adult say something to him" or "I dont think he meant it like that". Now when I was 17 years old I had a very tramatic incident occur at a party one night. I would rather not go all into detail as it is humiliating and I would rather forget. However, the 17 year old found out about this from an old friend of mine (we live in a very small town), and he came home and asked about it. I was honest with him and talked to him about it and explained that I do not like to hear about all the time. So please do not share as it hurts my feelings. About 2 months ago in a large group of people he shared the information as a joke. Although, it can be percieved as funny it is hurtful to me. I shared this with him again and asked that he please not do that to me anymore. Yesterday at FAMILY CHRISTMAS in front of a large group of people (not my family, theirs) he does it again....AS A JOKE!!! I tried shutting him down, changing the subject but he kept on with the story!!!!!!!! I said something to his father and got the "your the adult speech" what do I do as this behavior is making me want to shut down emotionally and turn bitter!

Thoughts?

Mixed families are difficult at best first off, and I commend you for trying to work things out with the three kids that are not your own.

Second your bf needs to step up to the fuuhcking plate. he is being as passive as possible. To expect that a gf, not even a wife right now would have any authority over a 17 yr old is outright ridiculous. The 17 yr old will take cues from his father first and his father is doing nothing to back you up. Thing is the 17 yr old is acting out on purpose and whatever his motivations are he is going out of his way to humiliate you, whether it be jealousy, anger at sharing his dad or what not, it doesn't matter. YOU will have very little authority over him until his father stands up for you and gets off his lazy spineless *** and does something. I'm sorry that you're having this problem but it happens time and again. Just because you're an adult, does not mean you automatically have their respect. That's just BS and he probably knows it.

Talk to him about it. He HAS TO stand up for you or the kids will not respect you. Period. If he continues to brush it off, quite honestly, I'd say you need to find a real man.

[hannabee]

I agree with S4ndm4n2006, I think you need to get this settled now rather than later! You are sooooo young and you are pretty much giving your all to someone who apparently doesn't even appreciate it. Find someone else. I'm sorry, I just come from experience of being a step parent and believe me, you will NEVER be treated properly. Start giving more thought to YOUR son. I mean really, he's aware of all this and is probably wondering why Mommy doesn't do something about his broken toys. Good Luck.

Originally Posted by hannabee

I agree with S4ndm4n2006, I think you need to get this settled now rather than later! You are sooooo young and you are pretty much giving your all to someone who apparently doesn't even appreciate it. Find someone else. I'm sorry, I just come from experience of being a step parent and believe me, you will NEVER be treated properly. Start giving more thought to YOUR son. I mean really, he's aware of all this and is probably wondering why Mommy doesn't do something about his broken toys. Good Luck.

Exactly. I dealt with this for 13+ years. My stepson was 4 when I met him. He is like 19 or 20 now and never did I gain his respect. His mother never backed me up and did this exact thing and for 13+ years it remained a battle. We are apart now but now her son, my former stepson has not talked to me in 3 years.

It won't change unless your bf does something. period.

[healingme4me]

I agree, if your bf isn't going to set an example how to treat you, it's not going to happen.

Where's the admiration and support, with words like, 'well you're the adult.'??

Enough already, from your bf, allowing his son to humiliate you. I'd have my son(s)), up against a wall, if they ever dreamed of humiliating anyone, like that.

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[peacockgirl298]

Thank you all for taking the time to share some advice with me. I spoke with him last night and he recieved....Shape Up or Ship Out!! I guess I just needed to hear it come from people whom are on the outside looking in. It was so hard to fight back the hurt over and over. I will keep you all posted with the events of the upcoming weekend.