[darkeyes]

I was wondering different ways people deal with others giving them the "cold shoulder?"
Sometimes is it best not to ask the person(s)why they are giving you the "cold shoulder?"
Can it be that we think they are and really aren't,and it is possibly what we,ourselves feel and then think it's really happening?
Last question, is it really worth caring about, and just forget it and not ask?
It would be interesting to hear what y'all think about this topic.

[nothemama8]

oh is this coming at the right time, the way I'm dealing with it is, if they choose to give me the cold shoulder then when they come back as sweet as pie, there going to get the silent treatment right back, don't take me for granted, I have feelings and don't need hurt
You are a sweetheart for posting this at this time
Love
Angie

[LMo]

My husband would definitely agree with you about not asking 'why are you giving me the cold shoulder'. Through him, I have learned to rephrase the question into a statement about how I feel. The question puts the other person on the defensive, and usually results in them denying it anyway. Posing it as an "I" statement (the most trite overused phrase of this decade, but it does make sense in this case) takes the accusation out of it, but still allows me to express my concern about the state of the friendship.

The way I deal with it is that I broach the subject... twice. No more than twice. That way I have given them the opportunity to discuss the problem with me but (call this pride getting in the way if you want but) I'm not going to beg. If someone's cold behavior is hurting me, I let them know that, too.

Yes, it has probably cost me some friendships, but the way I look at it is that I want my circle of friends to be people who aren't afraid to confront me if I've done something to offend them. It means that I limit myself, but at the same time, I protect myself with a policy to not get in positions to drive myself crazy with friends who won't discuss issues.

I don't think my advice is very good for other people, but it's what I do for myself.

Good luck

[darkeyes]

I think it's excellent, LMo.
I don't beg either, if someone can't be honest and say, then I feel it is their problem after.
Good advice/point you stated, and very healthy too.

[Boopers]

This question hits very close to home with me. The only person that I truly know for a fact that would always give me the cold shoulder is one of my sister-in-laws.

I never could understand it but found out that she did this to me because she felt like she was better than me. I grew up poor but my Mother always taught me that money does not make the person. That people with money are no better than we are. They just have more of an advantage in life.

So, after many years, over twenty, of trying so hard to make her like me, I realized that no matter what I did, she was always going to look the "other" way when she saw me and I gave up trying. I thought to myself, if she did ever quit ignoring me, would "I" really like her? The answer I came up with was probably not.

To this day, my sister-in-law will look the other way when we run into each other but now, it doesn't bother me. I have come to the conclusion that it's "her" that's missing out!

Linda

[almostangela]

I've had similar experiences as Boopers. It is in our good nature to think that the snub has to do with something we have done or who we are, but the reality is, the snub is the problem of the person doing the snubbing. For whatever cause or reason, the snubber is using the cold shoulder technique to keep people away from them. It could be to hide a prejudice, not make committments, because they are very insecure, because they want to control and punish, or even because something in you is what is in them and they don't want to face it. I feel sorry for people who play that card.