[Djinn8]

I met this girl called 'K' a few years ago and felt an instant connection with her. We kept on bumping into each other through our mutual friends (my sister and bro-in-law). We'd chance across each other every few months or so, and every time we met I felt that same connection. The problem was, I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend, so I pushed it to the back of my mind and tried my best to ignore it. However every time we ran across each other my heart would skip a beat.

It's hard to say, but I got the impression that she liked me too. My now ex-girlfriend certainly thought so, as every time I headed out to visit my sister, she would start asking stuff like, "Is that girl who's always flirting with you going to be there?". Not just that, but when ever we'd meet, we'd always end up sitting together. She'd always be smiling at me and stuff like that too. Also, because her boyfriend didn't like going out much, and my girlfriend didn't like it either, more often than not when we did meet, it would have a bit of a "double date" vibe to it (at least in my eyes).

I tried to foster some sort of deeper friendship with K: swapping numbers; sending a couple of texts; even asking if she wanted to go see a gig once. But nothing ever came of it and the effort was very one sided. I'm not sure what that means really? It might mean she just doesn't like me as much as I like her. She did have the perfect chance to get to know me better once, but she passed on the opportunity for reasons unknown.

Anyway, I'm going to cut this short. The other night I was around my sisters house while a couple of her friends were around. They started talking about K and how she had left her boyfriend. Instantly I was on full alert mode but trying to act all nonchalant (no one must ever know!). The next day I was around there again and my sisters phone goes off. She turns to her husband and says, "That was K, she's saying she wants to come around for Christmas because she's got no one to spend it with".

So yeah, this girl who I'm secretly in love with is now single and I'm going to be spending the whole day with in a intimate setting. I'm guessing that a lot of people would be thinking this is a good thing, but for me it's pretty terrifying. I'd gotten used to the idea that she was unavailable. It was easy. Now... hell I don't know? I'm feeling all pressured and anxious and I can see this big heartbreak looming in the horizon. What I would like to happen is to come out the other side of Christmas knowing the next time I'm going to see her, rather than waiting for that random chance to brings us together like usual. I don't know how to do that however?

[lightinthesky]

Well maybe she ignored your trying before because she still had a boyfriend and it just wouldn't be a right thing to do? You can't have a boyfriend and a friendship with a guy who potentially likes you, nothing good ever comes out of it.

Don't feel pressured and anxious, now that she is single it is a different story, go with the flow, be who you are and well, maybe ask her out? If she says yes - good for you, if she says no then maybe it only felt like there is a spark between you too.
good luck

[Djinn8]

Well I asked this a week ago. As you can tell I was rather anxious about the whole experience. But it all worked out well. Not only were things not weird between us, but her being around for Christmas felt very natural and comfortable. We took a walk through the park in the morning and talked, agreeing to meet up after the new year and go to an art exhibition together. There was even talk of her moving in to my spare room which would be mutually beneficial for the two of us. I feel like I've had some of the best news I've had in a long time. Merry Christmas everyone!

Originally Posted by Djinn8

I met this girl called 'K' a few years ago and felt an instant connection with her. We kept on bumping into each other through our mutual friends (my sister and bro-in-law). We'd chance across each other every few months or so, and every time we met I felt that same connection. The problem was, I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend, so I pushed it to the back of my mind and tried my best to ignore it. However every time we ran across each other my heart would skip a beat.

It's hard to say, but I got the impression that she liked me too. My now ex-girlfriend certainly thought so, as every time I headed out to visit my sister, she would start asking stuff like, "Is that girl who's always flirting with you going to be there?". Not just that, but when ever we'd meet, we'd always end up sitting together. She'd always be smiling at me and stuff like that too. Also, because her boyfriend didn't like going out much, and my girlfriend didn't like it either, more often than not when we did meet, it would have a bit of a "double date" vibe to it (at least in my eyes).

I tried to foster some sort of deeper friendship with K: swapping numbers; sending a couple of texts; even asking if she wanted to go see a gig once. But nothing ever came of it and the effort was very one sided. I'm not sure what that means really? It might mean she just doesn't like me as much as I like her. She did have the perfect chance to get to know me better once, but she passed on the opportunity for reasons unknown.

Anyway, I'm going to cut this short. The other night I was around my sisters house while a couple of her friends were around. They started talking about K and how she had left her boyfriend. Instantly I was on full alert mode but trying to act all nonchalant (no one must ever know!). The next day I was around there again and my sisters phone goes off. She turns to her husband and says, "That was K, she's saying she wants to come around for Christmas because she's got no one to spend it with".

So yeah, this girl who I'm secretly in love with is now single and I'm going to be spending the whole day with in a intimate setting. I'm guessing that a lot of people would be thinking this is a good thing, but for me it's pretty terrifying. I'd gotten used to the idea that she was unavailable. It was easy. Now... hell I don't know? I'm feeling all pressured and anxious and I can see this big heartbreak looming in the horizon. What I would like to happen is to come out the other side of Christmas knowing the next time I'm going to see her, rather than waiting for that random chance to brings us together like usual. I don't know how to do that however?

Before you pursue this new girl you're talking about, I'll be quite frank here, please be sure you want to be with her. I say this because you've clearly shown your tendency to "fall" for another while you're already attached. I think that in all fairness to the girl you choose, you need to get your priorities in place and don't make a commitment to a girl to make her your girlfriend until you mean it. That means you forsake others while you are with them, unless you choose some kind of open relationship which i don't get the impression you're into.

You're playing with fire with relation to entertaining ideas of another girl while you're still attached. Attraction =/= love. IT means you're attracted. Please understand this before pursuing her.

Good luck with this new girl, I hope you understand my perspective.
S4

[Djinn8]

Thanks for the advice, Sandman. I'm not in the habit of falling for people often however. I've only had three relationships in the past and each of them lasted for years. In all honesty, I had fallen out of love with my ex before I'd met K. She was quite abusive towards me you see, but I didn't have the strength to send her packing when I should have. Besides, I'm quite proud of the fact that I kept my feelings under wraps for so long.

Originally Posted by Djinn8

Thanks for the advice, Sandman. I'm not in the habit of falling for people often however. I've only had three relationships in the past and each of them lasted for years. In all honesty, I had fallen out of love with my ex before I'd met K. She was quite abusive towards me you see, but I didn't have the strength to send her packing when I should have. Besides, I'm quite proud of the fact that I kept my feelings under wraps for so long.

Well good that you did keep them under wraps. I'm sorry she wasn't good to you but all the more reason you should have already sent her packin I understand though, i've been there with that.

The way that it was originally posted, it sounded as though you already were entertaining the idea before you'd let the other one go and in that case it would be a dangerous thing to mess with that idea even in your head... but I understand. I was married and I was attracted to another female. I didn't pursue or flirt with her but I got it out in the open at the time and let the girl know that I felt that way and felt bad for being attracted and also let my wife at the time know this to get it out in the open and let her know nothing ever happened or would but that I was tempted. It was one of the best decisions I ever made in my marriage... although she ended up actually cheating on me and subsequently leaving, that's a whole different story I won't get into