[okcomputercrazy834]

I'm someone who worries probably more than the average person, and I'm skilled at worst case scenario-ing. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. Throughout the whole relationship it has always felt different in the good way, feeling like this is really it. We've never had any problems and we go great together. He is the most compassionate, understanding, and wonderful man I could ever imagine meeting. However, shortly after we said I love you around month 4 of the relationship, I have been having bouts of anxiety. About 3/4 of the time I am in that blissful, happy content place that one should be when they are in a good relationship. The other times though, it's almost as if I am looking for something to be wrong. I have had trust issues that are completely unwarranted, asked numerous questions about his past, and all the while he has been an open book and been as understanding and helpful and supportive as someone could be. I'm scared that I'm just looking for something wrong with him, since I've never had a relationship where someone is so good to me.

I don't think it's my gut telling me something is wrong, I think it's from a place of paranoia due to what has happened in my past relationships.

These bouts of anxiety have been far and few between as of late, but they are still not completely gone. I am looking for ways to overcome these feelings of fear and anxiety (for no reason!) once and for all!

[kaliope]

hi okcomputercrazy
sounds like you know where the anxiety is stemming from. maybe some daily affirmations of feeling safe and secure in the relationship would help. telling yourself it is related to your past is the best way to relieve the anxiety. collecting your pro list as to why the relationship is the best ever would be helpful for those times as well. welcome to psych central. you will find that we have several forums where you can post your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome.

[lightinthesky]

I guess our past will always influence our present but I'm hoping that we are capable of taking control of it. You don't want to spoil your present relationship, it is always good to learn from mistakes/experience tho. If you feel loved and you love yourself this is all you need, it is a different person, different relationship but I can understand your feelings.

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[lightinthesky]

Maybe try to tell him about that and it might feel better for you to share it with him, he will help you to realize that you are looking for something that isn't there.

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[healingme4me]

If he's given no reason to not trust him before, where is this place of vulnerability within you, coming from? Have you explored your past relationships, in therapy, before? What are the patterns? What about the relationship between your parents? Where is this fear, coming from?

[monochromatic]

okcomputercrazy,

I am exactly there with you. I've been with mine about 2.5 years, and after about a year or so I began to be plagued with anxiety about the relationship. I worry that we wont work out, I wont be happy, he wont be happy, we wont love each other in a few years, he doesn't love me enough now, we're not right for each other, etc. It's SO hard to decipher whether it's reality (your gut telling you something is wrong) or just your brain.

I am still struggling a lot with this, but what's helping is to try to identify triggers and notice what my immediate reactions/thoughts/feelings are, and challenge those thoughts (CBT style). Also meditation. Also, when I notice I'm feeling insecure and clingy I try to leave the room.

Don't know if this helps you at all, but just know you're not alone.

[okcomputercrazy834]

Thanks for all the feedback. I've told him about this before, and it does definitely help to have some reassurance from him, but also hearing from other people that I am not alone and that it is something that I can overcome is wonderful. I look forward to fully enjoying all the happiness my relationship has to offer once again. Thanks!