[jbug]

I have a question for the community.

I was in the hospital for 3 weeks and just got out yesterday. I have borderline personality disorder and had been having some not so pleasant thoughts. Anyway.....my boyfriend of a year and half told my parents that he wasn't going to call me or come see me until "I got better". I realize that is subjective and don't know if I'll ever totally be better but anyway my question is....how do I respond to this. I'd like to do a kick to the head but that would only hurt my foot due to his hard head.

I talked to him last night after I got home and he said now let's not have this happen again...what happens if it does? There are times that I have a really hard time controlling what my brain does and it was a lot safer for me to be there. Granted now my outlook on life is great and yes I am happy but what happens if it all comes crashing down again. I am very scared to lose him because I love him but on the other hand if he's going to be this way towards my mental illness maybe we shouldn't be together. I guess I'm just one very confused person.

Any suggestions on what I should do would be greatly appreciated.

Don't Blame me I just do what the Voices Tell me to do

[dexter]

Your boyfriend needs to understand that this is an illness and not something you have control over. If he was diagnosed with diabetes you wouldn't tell him "I won't visit you until you are better" or "lets not have that happen again." There is no cure for diabetes, but it is controllable.

It will all depend on whether your boyfriend is willing and able to attempt to understand what your illness is all about.

I wrote a paper on depression which maybe will have some relevance to helping him understand, it is at http://www.idexter.com

[darkeyes]

I must say, if he can't handle it all, then I personally would tell him, that you do not wish for this disorder, nor can you totally know ahead of time when things may get bad, hey. . . you aren't a fortune teller, right?
I understand you don't want to lose him, but on the other hand if he can't accept you as you are or can be, then he really isn't a "strong character" himself.
If possible, try to tell him this. I have a friend whose former boyfriend couldn't deal with her depression, so they split, but I told her she is better off, I mean, what kind of husband or even father would he make if he can't handle things, right?
This is your personal business, but just giving you my opinion.
Meanwhile, I am sincerely wishing you lots of luck and "healing", please take care now

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

[(JD)]

I agree with some of the other stuff said... if he already shows that he can't handle this, and isn't willing to try, why stick with him? There are guys out there who have learned to take life as it comes, that true love says, ok, let's get through this together... what can I do?

Glad you're out of the hospital, and hope the plans for getting better work out ok.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[rubyred]

Hello,

To me, it sounds like he is scared. Sounds like he is afraid he may do something to contribute to whatever. Sounds like he doesn't know what to do or how to handle this. I doubt if it has anything to do with his real feelings for you, but has to do with his own insecurities, his own inability to comprehend or grasp what it is you're going through.

Give him time, he may come around, and if he doesn't, perhaps you need someone a little stronger in your life.

Choices, it's all about choices.

[jbug]

We have talked a few times now that I have been out and he keeps stressing that he hopes that I never have to do that again. Its like I was a dirty little secret and man does that hurt. He did take me out to dinner on Thursday and gave me his work schedule for the next couple of weeks. I thought that was encouraging. I am still not sure what to do about our relationship as his views on my time in the hospital are kind of hurtful.

Don't Blame me I just do what the Voices Tell me to do

[shakes]

Janniebug,
I too suffer from borderline personality disorder and was in the hospital for a few weeks last year. The guy I was dating at the time actually called me at the hospital and broke up with me then. Pretty bad huh?
I think that your boyfriend sounds confused but he also sounds very ignorant and kinda oblivous. Frankly any guy that would say that to someone he is suppose to care about is kinda a jerk.
I understand how you feel hurt about him "wanting to keep it a secret." Your BPD is a part of who you are. You did not ask for it to happen to you nor did you want it I'm sure. It is totally unfair and mean of him to treat this like your fault and you should hide it from everyone.
I think anyone suffering from "disorders" (i hate that word) should really be with someone who is understanding and supportive. You do not deserve to be with someone who cannot accept who you are and blames you for something you have no control over.

Stay strong,
Jessica

You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again.

[dexter]

hi janniebug

in your first post he said "let's not do that again" as if you had control. this last post he said he "hopes you don't have to do that again". is it possible he is trying to understand and is just ignorant? wanting to hide it is also a very bad thing, but could he be doing this out of ignorance rather than out of disrespect? the key is, if he is ignorant, is he willing to try and learn otherwise? you won't be able to change him (the mantra of the depressed and bipolar) but if he is willing to change then you can help him by talking to him and pointing him toward facts about the illness.

i want to stress again what others have said, it would be very very bad to be in a relationship with someone who won't understand and won't be supportive. if that is the case, and it may very well be, better you found out now than later. i'm not trying to have you hang on to false hope about this guy, but just evaluate if there is any real hope there for him "coming around". this may have just taken him so much by surprize that he doesn't know what to do or how to act and is acting on his knee-jerk reactions based on public ignorance and fear.

you will know better than anyone if he is a jerk or if he is just frightened by this but may have a chance to work past that and understand. if you are talking about it that is good, keep the lines of communication open and see if he responds to talking about it or just keeps trying to avoid it.

good luck

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>