Frustrated about relationship with mother

Just wish I didn't care about this and it sounds so ridiculas and childish as i write.

The situation is a bit complicated, but in a nutshell, my mother is very very controlling and dotes on my younger brother and still treats us as if we were children, so if my younger brother has any issues with me, he complains to her and she then gives me a really really hard time (in her eyes he is ALWAYS right).

The strange thing about this sinario is that I'm married and don't live with my mother and my brother is almost 40! (not married and living at home). My mother dotes on him, says its fine that he doesn't have a job (he's only worked around 2 years in his whole life).

My younger brother is the jealous type and goes out of his way to cause trouble in the family. I could really do with some advice as this situation sometimes really gets me down

What kind of issue does your brother have with you that you hear about later from your mother?

It could be anything, something as simple as disagreeing with him can makes him very angry. He will then complain to my mother about me and that will set her off.

Having thought about it, I'm really sorry for starting this thread - i should be able to deal with this issue myself. Thank you Koko2 for responding but I don't want to waste your or anyone else's time when there are more important threads on PC that need support & advice.

I'm not surprised you feel annoyed, sounds like your mother has a favourite or 'golden child' that can do no wrong.
It is not a good dynamic for you or your brother, it has stunted his life.
At least you are not living at home. Make your own life, don't visit too often and keep conservations neutral with your mother to avoid conflict.
Your mother seems selfish.

Hi Marmaduke, that's very perceptive of you my brothers life is very stunted & he's a very angry person. Thank you for your advice, it's appreciated.

Bentay, your concerns are legitimate, so please don't think you shouldn't post about them. Okay?

I've seen this scenario in a couple of families that I've known. Actually, what is happening to your brother is possibly the worst thing. Some mothers select a child - could be the youngest, or could be the eldest - that they want to hold onto for fear of being alone as they get older. It's a terrible thing to do to a child, but I have seen it. That child seems to get all the favoring, but look at the price. That child never grows up . . . never becomes his own person. Some day, when your mother isn't around, your brother will be a very lost soul. You'll be the one left to worry about him.

You mother is not likely to change. Down the line the consequences may be very sad. This is not a trivial problem. And to be honest, it's really hard for you to know what to do. This mother-son relationship is extremely unhealthy, but they hare arrived at something that is working for them, meeting some emotional needs that each of them has. Be glad you got out and made your own life.

Wow Rose76, I didn't for a moment think this could happen in any other family and what you've said has really touched me as its so true. My younger brother seems very unhappy with his life in spite of having all the love & attention from my mother. She is too old too change & doesn't realise the person she has turned him into. Thank you for your insightful reply