How to become a better person?

I am not sure where to post it but I will give it a try. .after a break up with my boyfriend (he ended it) I started feeling really bad about myself, I keep comparing my life with his, he was out of a rehab 6 months ago, he moved to London where he is from and now his life is going up and up and up, he got a really good job and he is doing sports, he has many new friends etc. I feel really bad about myself, feel like I can not do anything without him, I am 21 and I work at the bar, I live in Ireland and it is very hard to live here, I did office administration and marketing diploma but so far it doesn't help me, I want to start studying again in September but nothing interests me.. I feel very bad about myself, about my life, feel like I am not good enough, like his life got so much better now that I am not in his life, I want to become a better person, I want to love myself again and I want to move forward but now I feel like I am standing steel being all sad and pathetic, please someone help me, please.

I'm sorry for these rough feelings you're going though, why do you feel that your life needs to compare to your ex boyfriends?

I know how you feel about the work thing. I worked at a movie theater until I was 24, and after that I worked in a factory for a year. It may not help for me to say this now but I think that's pretty normal, I'd say most people that I know that are in their twenties are working jobs like similar to yours, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I know that most of these kinds of customer service/minimum wage type jobs are just depressing on their own but I'm sure you will find yourself in a better place in your own time.

The pressure you feel to be better is pretty normal too, but I say leave that mentality behind if you can, it's just extra baggage. Try the best you can and that's good enough. There's no reason for your life to live up to any standard.

Thank you so much for your reply. I wish I knew why I keep comparing my life with his, I want to be good, maybe I feel that I wasn't good enough to be his life partner, why everything in his life changing now to a better way, what if he meets me one day and what will I say? who am I comparing to him? I can't explain it, it is torturing me.

Sounds like it was a very important relationship for you, do you feel that maybe you still have feelings for him? And maybe that's why you aren't able to move on with your life?

Of course I do have feelings for him.

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This is just my theory but I'd say the reason you are still comparing yourself to him is because you haven't let him go yet. I think that if you are thinking about how his life is better than yours - it is stopping you from recognizing the value in your life without him.

I also think that when we start to imagine that other people's lives are better than our own we are often seeing their lives through rose coloured glasses. However great you imagine his life must be it is just not reality and your life is not more or less meaningful than his.

Anyway, that's my two cents, I hope it helps. Have you been feeling any better since you posted this originally?

No.. but I'm trying. I need to stop checking up on his life because it's torturing me

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