[Laurielrocks]

So I gave my husband an email expressing how i have been feeling because i couldnt get him to sit and talk to me. Theres a lot going on in my life and i really needed him. Its 48 hours later...... Have heard no response. Could someone be this ****ing selfish and clueless. He swears he loves me and acts offended if i say how i feel. No form of attention, never touches me, avoids me when he can, sex.... I cant even remember. I am nothing but good to him. I am an attractive person. Im not being superficial but i have been asked out all the time. Im married and tried to be what im supposed to be. I am completely at a loss. Part of me wants to get as far away as possibe.. Weve been together 15 years. It wasnt always like this at all. Any advice ?

[danvb]

I think I'd be paying more attention to that part of you that wants to get away. You said that you had been together for 15 years. But for how many of those years did you and he share an intimate connection? My car and I have been together for 8 years, but there's never been much in the way of intimacy... However my car IS convenient to have... and I've grown rather used to having it around. But, it's been acting up for quite a while though, so I fear that it's about time I traded it in for a car that makes me happy again.

I dunno... It seems to me that something is definitely off-kilter in your marriage. Um... is it possible that he's parking his shoes under someone elses bed? Just a thought...

Huh. Never touches you, avoids you and there's NO whoopie. NO whoopie? Whoa... Hmmmmmm... That doesn't sound like he values you very much, expecially since it's apparent that he isn't real big on communication either.

You certainly have a right to be upset.

Well, I don't have any advice for you per se, but I DO know that, personally, I would have an exceedingly difficult time remaining in a relationship if I felt invisible to the one I Loved.

Dan

[Laurielrocks]

I dont know how ive done this as long as i have. I have made an appointment to see a professional to get a straight forward direction in what direction i need to go. I cant keep listening to the same old song and dance and giving another chance. Thanks for listening

[healingme4me]

For me, not feeling heard, is a huge need; I'd go out on a limb and say, that it's a huge need of a great many people. You had to send an email just to express, all that is going on in your life, right now, and 2 days later, still nothing. And email, was because he wouldn't sit down and 'listen' to you.

A marriage or any committed romantic relationship, is about needing to feel an intimate connection, camaraderie, a sense of connectedness, and yes, physical intimacy, is a huge factor, as well! To be offended, because you express your feelings? I'd be offended, in turn, for not being offered a safe place to express a sense of humanness and vulnerability.

Good for you, for seeking professional help, to gain some clarity and insight, to help you take necessary steps towards change, whether your h follows suit or not.

One thing, that stood out, was your stating that you've been everything that you were 'supposed to be.' May be, something to look at, as you are getting the help that you need.

[adam_k]

I've had similar problems in my own marriage. I was overwork, stressed and depressed. There could be a reason for his behaivor. Is it a recent abrupt change or has it been getting worse over time?

Every marriage needs that certain connection and intimacy. When it is missing it feels like you are staying with a room mate.

Another cause could be an affair. Been thru that too. She become more distant while it was going on. Things blew up when I found out and after some marriage counseling things are better.

If it were me in your shoes I would make him sit down and talk. It will be hard but a face to face discussion is probably the best way to get it out there and to work on whatever may be causing the issues between you too.

Is it possible he never saw your email? Avoidance is another thing people do a lot especially with things they can't cope with. They just pretend like there isn't a problem and do what they do.

[Laurielrocks]

I have many attempts to get him to talk. I have other emails, notes ive left, ive confronted him. You name it. Think ive done my part......

I've been in similar situations with my husband many times, so I can relate to what you're going through! For now, it's probably better to just not do anything else and either wait for him to open up or accept the fact that he'd rather not deal with the issues the two of you are having.

Some men are just not very open by nature. When men have a problem, they tend to close up until they feel like they can solve whatever problem they are dealing with. Unfortunately, he might not care enough about the things that you do to do anything about it.

What Adam said pretty much hit the nail on the head. Some people would rather avoid problems rather than deal with them directly. As for the intimacy issue, it's possible that he might be having some male difficulties that he's to embarrassed to talk about?

Also, if he's been really stressed out because of work or other things, that could also cause some people to not want sex as much. Just step back for now and if he doesn't come around, then there isn't anything more that you can do. Sorry to say that, but it's true. You did all that you could do it seems like.

[Laurielrocks]

I have decided to get professional opinions and advice about everything. I just know now i cannot rely on that shoulder if i. Need it....it really bothers me. I understand that guys handle things and dont see things the way women do. I just feel like i lost my best friend. And that hurts.