[mentalgirl48]

I am in need of time alone. Im stressed about losing my house and my partner has two boys that live here 4 days a week. As noted in my other post I am the only one working so I am supporting his boys...food, gas to take them places etc...Im sad,overwhelmed and just want to relax on my couch in front of my tv.
Boys are here and despite my current situation and headspace (which isn't a very good one) he wants boys here. I am tired of having to walk around pretending that Im in a good mood and that everything is happy in front of his boys. I want to be left alone, I want to just be able to relax on my couch and watch TV or fall asleep. Boys take up the living room as its the only TV in the house. So i either go upstairs to nap or sit in the kitchen on the computer (as I am doing now).
He doesn't get it...
Why can't he just take his boys home so I can have some quiet time ?
He sees Im stressed and depressed...
I don't have the money to pay for things for his boys...I buy groceries and they last a weekend because they eat every three hours...food GONE by monday..
I can't keep doing this without his help...what can I say!
Am I being selfish by wanting to be left alone?

[hvert]

I don't think you are being selfish. It sounds like you are going through a really stressful time. Your boyfriend needs to be pulling his own weight and taking care of his own kids.

Stop buying groceries and they'll probably beg to go back to their mother's house

[RomanSunburn]

You are definitely not being selfish. It definitely sounds like you could use a break. Maybe once you get some time apart and can gather your thoughts and energy, you can talk to him about this unbalanced relationship that is really taking a toll on you. Personally, if he sees this as you being selfish, he's not the one for you. He's the one completely draining you emotionally and financially and disregarding your needs and feelings.

[unaluna]

So what if you are being selfish? Who is going to take care of you when you become homeless and he is gone with the wind? If you had the means to take care of his family, then perhaps that would be the choice for your charitable contributions, but as it is, you can barely take care of yourself. If he is drinking and not willing to help or get help, what part of "get out now" dont you understand? How long have they all been living with you? This is not a good example he is setting for his boys. Pack up their stuff and tell them not to come back, you are in dire straits. If they were going to help you, they would already have been pitching in.

[healingme4me]

Why isn't he able to take care of his kids? You aren't selfish, perhaps, resentful for being thrust into a role, that isn't fair financially nor emotionally.

[mentalgirl48]

I do apologize he does care for his boys when they are here.. In fact he waits on them hand and foot when they are here.. 15 and 17).. They don't cook for themselves or clean up after themselves... He does it all I refuse to do so. We've been together for almost 10 years and I see these kids being lazy entitled people it drives me nuts.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Why isn't he able to take care of his kids? You aren't selfish, perhaps, resentful for being thrust into a role, that isn't fair financially nor emotionally.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by mentalgirl48

I do apologize he does care for his boys when they are here.. In fact he waits on them hand and foot when they are here.. 15 and 17).. They don't cook for themselves or clean up after themselves... He does it all I refuse to do so. We've been together for almost 10 years and I see these kids being lazy entitled people it drives me nuts.

Yeah, he's not doing them, any favors, by not teaching independent skills. Don't need an oven, to put together a sandwich. Teaching them, to help clean, is about instilling pride in selves and surrounding.

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[RomanSunburn]

They're lazy because he lets them be. They feel entitled because they see him as an example taking you for everything your worth.

[hvert]

What would happen if you told your boyfriend that you no longer had money to feed his kids?

[gayleggg]

Is there a reason he can't work and help provide for his children. Sounds like he is not taking care of his business and letting you do it. He is taking advantage of you. I don't think it is selfish at all to ask for more time alone.

While I don't know what you mean by them "going home"... if they are his kids on that front I definitely would defend his right to have them around, but that's not where I see the problem in your situation. I see you building up resentment toward the kids because although he takes the responsibility to "have them" around, he doesn't seem to do much beyond that as their father and even more so, your partner. The problem seems to be stemming from him passing on the responsibilities that should not be yours in the first place. You're not even technically their step parent, so that should not be soemthing you need to do, let alone take care of his lazy ***.

I'm sorry but you need to step it up with him and tell him to get a job, take care of his kids or get out. seriouslly I don't see him doing anything differently until you give him the ultimatum.

[mentalgirl48]

He did end up taking boys home.. He's looking for work and has had no luck. Although I think he's being too picky and should find something soon.. But is holding out for what I don't know.

Originally Posted by gayleggg

Is there a reason he can't work and help provide for his children. Sounds like he is not taking care of his business and letting you do it. He is taking advantage of you. I don't think it is selfish at all to ask for more time alone.