[blackwhitered]

She loved me, like she loved me like a girlfriend. I'm not gay, but we dated and broke up because I realized I wasn't into girls. We were really good friends, but I feel all the emotions were one-sided. She loved and depended on me. I don't think I can love anyone. I don't love my parents either, but it's easier to say so because it's more pleasant and convenient for everyone to be happy. But last night my friend found out I never loved her back, and she got really angry at me. I tried to explain that I don't love anyone, or that I DO, but not in a way that is meaningful to anyone. I love everyone and everything in a very passive way. The world is not perfect and I'm okay with that, I like our mutual indifference. But she couldn't understand anything that was different from how she thinks. I don't know how she could think we could love each other when I exist in my own world. I always have and I always will. There is a wall between me and everyone else in the world. We can yell over it and I can describe my side, but no one but me will ever see it. I don't even know why I am writing this anymore. I'm not lonely, I don't even know if I will miss her now that she is gone. I just feel perfectly alone.

[SeekerOfLife]

I have trouble loving others too (but when I do learn to love someone, I get hooked real hard).

I recently realized that I look at the world as though I am looking through a curtain. I can see out, and others can see in if they look hard enough. I always have my curtain in place. If someone gets too close, I can step back so they cannot "see" me. I decide if I want them to have a closer look. I guess it is a vulnerability issue.

Have you tried therapy? It may help you have better relationships in many areas of life.

[blackwhitered]

I don't feel like I have the capacity to love others. And the problem that it causes isn't an internal problem, it's external. People think it makes me a bad person. I don't think I'm a bad person, I don't think it's another "mental problem" that I need to see a therapist about. The only thing that needs fixing is how others accept me. But that's just my opinion.

[ExistingInChanges]

Originally Posted by blackwhitered

She loved me, like she loved me like a girlfriend. I'm not gay, but we dated and broke up because I realized I wasn't into girls. We were really good friends, but I feel all the emotions were one-sided. She loved and depended on me. I don't think I can love anyone. I don't love my parents either, but it's easier to say so because it's more pleasant and convenient for everyone to be happy. But last night my friend found out I never loved her back, and she got really angry at me. I tried to explain that I don't love anyone, or that I DO, but not in a way that is meaningful to anyone. I love everyone and everything in a very passive way. The world is not perfect and I'm okay with that, I like our mutual indifference. But she couldn't understand anything that was different from how she thinks. I don't know how she could think we could love each other when I exist in my own world. I always have and I always will. There is a wall between me and everyone else in the world. We can yell over it and I can describe my side, but no one but me will ever see it. I don't even know why I am writing this anymore. I'm not lonely, I don't even know if I will miss her now that she is gone. I just feel perfectly alone.

It seems maybe your emotions are blocked..like driven deep down inside you. As far as not being gay, she should have at least tried to understand that. There isn't a point to be with someone if they aren't even into you.

[blackwhitered]

Originally Posted by ExistingInChanges

It seems maybe your emotions are blocked..like driven deep down inside you. As far as not being gay, she should have at least tried to understand that. There isn't a point to be with someone if they aren't even into you.

I don't feel like my emotions are blocked, it's like I just don't have them in relation to other people. I enjoy others' company, but I never feel attached to them. At the same time, I never feel lonely. I don't miss people. I can have fun with people, but there's no need to force that to go on... I don't know if that makes any sense.

[ExistingInChanges]

Originally Posted by blackwhitered

I don't feel like my emotions are blocked, it's like I just don't have them in relation to other people. I enjoy others' company, but I never feel attached to them. At the same time, I never feel lonely. I don't miss people. I can have fun with people, but there's no need to force that to go on... I don't know if that makes any sense.

Like it doesn't matter whether you see people or not..like either way you would be fine?

[Rose3]

Originally Posted by blackwhitered

I don't feel like my emotions are blocked, it's like I just don't have them in relation to other people. I enjoy others' company, but I never feel attached to them. At the same time, I never feel lonely. I don't miss people. I can have fun with people, but there's no need to force that to go on... I don't know if that makes any sense.

That's great for you to be able to have fun with people without becoming overly attached, and without feeling lonely. It makes sense to me.

[blackwhitered]

Originally Posted by ExistingInChanges

Like it doesn't matter whether you see people or not..like either way you would be fine?

Yes, I would describe myself as an ambivert. I don't need to be with others or be alone to be comfortable.

The only problem is that other people can't seem to accept that I can't love them.

[ExistingInChanges]

Originally Posted by blackwhitered

Yes, I would describe myself as an ambivert. I don't need to be with others or be alone to be comfortable.

The only problem is that other people can't seem to accept that I can't love them.

Well you can't really help how you feel towards people. All you can do is try to explain your brain doesn't work the same way their brains do...or in the way that they want your brain to work. People can't expect more out of you than what you can give. Have you always felt this way or did you used to feel differently?