[nummy]

............

[gayleggg]

You are wrong, nummy. We really do care here. Please let us help or at least try.

[SeekerOfLife]

What's going on? What kind of pain are you in? (emotional?). This is a good place to find support. Welcome.

[pegasus]

It can feel like nobody gives an eff but actually there are people that do. Hugs

[nummy]

A family member who's always insisting I not shut myself off now won't speak at all to me. She did this years ago too. It hurts when I can't be that perfect sister she wants and yes, needs, so much. I can only be me, and that's not good enough. She says I'm mean to say that to her, but how else should I look at it?

[shezbut]

I am sorry that your sister is not being very understanding or supportive to you. Your hurt and anger do ring a bell to me.

You are correct. You can only be yourself. You can, of course, work on bad habits (that we ALL have, as no one is perfect). Like if loud voices really bother her, you could try your best to remember not to talk too loudly around her....that kind of thing can be done, to an extent.

If your sister is refusing to give you attention, let her go for now. She will come back when she is ready to talk with you. Then, you two may sit down (or take a quiet walk together) somewhere and talk about what happened. Try to talk about how YOU feel, without saying anything against her. Like, "I feel really frustrated and hurt because it feels like you don't respect me." Or whatever. Then, let your sister respond to you. Try to repeat what you hear her saying to you. {This shows that you're listening and it gives her an opportunity to fix any mistakes in wording that she may have made.} You can then respond to the new information that you have been given. But, work it in the same way. I am ___ because I feel ____.

Human beings make mistakes. We often misinterpret one another ~ one may become offended and the other gets hurt; or etc. The real trick is trying to work through these problems whenever we can. We work on our ends while they work on theirs, and the relationships grow stronger as a result. That strength is the reward for our work.

I hope that this hasn't hurt your feelings or upset you. I am just passing on some tips that have really helped me. Best wishes to you!

[nummy]

Originally Posted by shezbut

I am sorry that your sister is not being very understanding or supportive to you. Your hurt and anger do ring a bell to me.

You are correct. You can only be yourself. You can, of course, work on bad habits (that we ALL have, as no one is perfect). Like if loud voices really bother her, you could try your best to remember not to talk too loudly around her....that kind of thing can be done, to an extent.

If your sister is refusing to give you attention, let her go for now. She will come back when she is ready to talk with you. Then, you two may sit down (or take a quiet walk together) somewhere and talk about what happened. Try to talk about how YOU feel, without saying anything against her. Like, "I feel really frustrated and hurt because it feels like you don't respect me." Or whatever. Then, let your sister respond to you. Try to repeat what you hear her saying to you. {This shows that you're listening and it gives her an opportunity to fix any mistakes in wording that she may have made.} You can then respond to the new information that you have been given. But, work it in the same way. I am ___ because I feel ____.

Human beings make mistakes. We often misinterpret one another ~ one may become offended and the other gets hurt; or etc. The real trick is trying to work through these problems whenever we can. We work on our ends while they work on theirs, and the relationships grow stronger as a result. That strength is the reward for our work.

I hope that this hasn't hurt your feelings or upset you. I am just passing on some tips that have really helped me. Best wishes to you!

Thanks, Shez. I've tried that "I'm hurt you aren't speaking to me" route but her reply is all I talk about it being followed etc. And though that's how I feel, and its true I told her that, I really also wanted to hear how she was doing, too. I may be afraid, but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of caring. Actually I wanted to hear what she was up to...but when she doesn't tell me (she usually does), frankly it made me wonder if the texts I was getting were really from her, or from a hacker, which doesn't help, at all.

[Fuzzybear]

[cdnomore]

What? I have felt that way before, lots of times, thats why there are places like this, I guess, because people need to know they aren't really alone.
I tried to commit suicide 4 or 5 times, the first was when I was 11 years old. The last when I was 20. I had a lot of really fkng big 'challenges' in my life, which I won't get into, but, in spite of my desire to end the pain, I am today - glad, actually glad I didn't succeed. I learned a lot from those things, and that pain.
I'm so much stronger at the age of 44 than I ever would have thought I could be, I'm so much more appreciative of the little unnoticed things and the nuances of being alive that you would never KNOW if you ceased to exist. Yes, your pain would be over but you - whoever you are, and whoever you might possibly become from making it through your pain, would be gone forever. Would anyone care? Well? Why don't you try to make some people who would care? Why not put the work into surrounding yourself with the kind of people who would help you, love you and CARE?
Thats what I did when I realized how dumb it was to think that all the shysters who had hurt me in my life deserved my failure, screw them, not only did I find ways of distancing those people so they could no longer hurt me, but I began to enjoy the friends, and surrogate family that I made to help support my growth.
There are smart choices and there are dumb choices...hurting yourself when you really want to stop someone from hurting you is not a smart choice.

[nummy]

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Wise,wise words.