Upset at my mom - rant

For the first time in a few days, I felt pretty good tonight. I had been invited to sit in on a class at college, but the invitation didn't seem to have a deadline. I planned to start going tomorrow, but I was thinking that I should keep my good mood going by not getting too little sleep. (yes, I should have gone to sleep earlier...)

I went upstairs to finish some laundry and stopped to talk to my mom. I told her my thoughts on the class because I wasn't sure if there was some sort of problem with going Thursday instead of Tuesday. This ended with her telling me how easy I have it and how someday I am going to have to "join the real world." She didn't say it in a malicious manner, but it still got to me.

It is true that I probably have it easier than a lot of people. I still live at home. I have parents who care for me. I'm not struggling in college. But I feel like I have so many other problems, and her words just made me angry. I don't know what I'm doing after college (do I go to graduate school?...). I have so many other issues that just make life harder to deal with, and I can barely make myself do anything that is not a required part of my routine.

I've never spoken with her about my issues, but I don't like her assumptions that I have a perfect life. It isn't like I seem perfectly normal (at least I don't think I do). I have one friend and I am horrible at socializing. I have a bit of a phobia of affection (especially kisses). Does she just not want to see that there's something wrong, or am I not as obvious as I thought?

I have spoken to her (and just about everybody) about college and what I should do afterwards just to try and bounce ideas off of people. Her response is never downright discouraging, but she seems to think that it is just a waste of time and money. Maybe it is, but when she say things like "oh, are you still thinking about that..." it kind of upsets me at how much she brushes it off and forgets about what I've told her. I tried asking her what advice she does have for someone in my position and she just says that she told me that I should have been a pharmacist when I was in high school. I'm not asking her to give me the answer to life, or anything. I just want to have a discussion and hopefully get some ideas...

I'm sorry about the long rant. I am just feeling extremely frustrated. I was feeling so good earlier, and that one short conversation just crushed my good mood. And now I still need to try and sleep...

That does sound very frustrating!

When she says these things that hurt your feelings, do you tell her? You might say something like, "That comment makes me feel like you don't believe in my future. It really discourages me. Could you please be more positive?"

My mother can also say some really irritating stuff. I've finally accepted (more or less) that she isn't going to stop. It's just the way she is. My suggestion would be to stop trying to have a good discussion with her about your future. She can't give you what you are looking for.

Thank you for your reply and your advice! I haven't told her that comments like that upset me, but that isn't the sort of conversation I have with her very often.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant. Over the years, I've started to realize that my mom is a different person from when I was younger. It's just difficult remembering that...