[BlueEyedBeauty]

Hey guys!

I'm a new member so bear with me. I have BPD, and an eating disorder. I am in a 'healthy' relationship for the first time in my entire life. I have been 8 months self harm free and 8 months clean. I feel consumed by my relationship. I often get angry when I feel like I'm losing time with him. I get angry, jealous, and insecure about other women/models/pornstars on the regular. My boyfriend is very good at giving me positive affirmations and talking me out of my irrational fantasies. But I still sit here on the internet... or just daze off thinking about how pointless my life is. I feel like I will never, ever be happy in a relationship because I'm constantly taking things personally or overanalyzing or creating crises when there isn't one. I was ina BPD DBT group and i'm going to be joining a new one but TBH, it feels like a huge waste of my time. Of course I want help, but I feel like I'm an emotional burn victim... EVERYTHING upsets me ... I'm tired of being mad at my boyfriend or even other people i have a relationship with (parents, friends) due to my overbearing insecurities and jealous issues. I am just tired of feeling.... and worse, I'm tired of getting jealous and then getting angry and the person when they haven't even done anything wrong. Then I just feel like a huge insecure idiot.... and that's just further proof that I shouldn't even be here because I'm just a big cloud of doom -_- ....

What I want:
A healthy relationship
A healthy way of coping
Be able to look at women and not be jealous
Be HAPPY in a relationship where I focus on what IS not what could be
Be more rational

Any help would be greatly appreciated..

Thank you for listening!

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by BlueEyedBeauty

Hey guys!
... I'm tired of being mad

I am just tired of feeling.... and worse, I'm tired of getting jealous and then getting angry and the person when they haven't even done anything wrong. Then I just feel like a

What I want:
A healthy relationship
A healthy way of coping
Be able to look at women and not be jealous
Be HAPPY in a relationship where I focus on what IS not what could be
Be more rational

Any help would be greatly appreciated..

Thank you for listening!

Sometimes, some of the best changes, occur under fire, so to speak. You express desire for change, you wants are very thought out, and rational. Those are some amazing goals, you have, for your next round of therapy(DBT), why not, approach it, as goal based. And perhaps, this time, around, things will start clicking in for you! You've grown tired, of how you feel, well...I hope it works and sticks for you, this time around. Motivate yourself, with reminding yourself, how frustrated and tired of feeling this way you really are.

I"m trying to think, about how to explain, how to not look at another woman, real or in photos/tv without getting jealous and insecure. Is she, the woman you look at, really a threat to you, between the sheets? Is she, truly your rival? Is she or isn't she attractive? And so what, if she is, doesn't mean you've got a sexual identity crisis, on your hands, know what I mean? For instance, so what if Angelina Jolie, is considered beautiful by many? Can you look at her, and go, ok, ok, she's attractive. How, exactly, does this affect me, in all reality? It doesn't. She's an actress and lives somewhere no near me, and she's married and busy.

Another example. I have a crush, celebrity crush, on Milan Lucic. He's from the Boston Bruins. He's attractive, to me, yes. But, is he really the biggest threat, to my beau? No. Is he at the top of every little fantasy that I may or may not have? No. Am I really, picturing him, while in bed? Not, really.

Hope that, helps, just a little.