[Yismymindblank12]

I don't need to love people, because I was being abused and beaten so bad. Why should I show anything, because they want to use me. I can't trust myself. I don't kids, I don't want a family, I don't want a marriage wife life or anything. I don't want this societal ********. I just want to be a child and say **** everyone I'm doing my own thing and no one can stop me. The more I get older I get more trapped I just want this abuse to stop. I just want someone to help me. I hate being here, I can't trust anyone, I don't want to die by someone else's hand, if I'm getting really ill and no longer close to not be able to take care of myself. I will have to kill myself, because it is necessary I don't die suffering in pain, because I had enough. I am an adult now, being beaten like a child being abused and forced to deal with it. I used to stand up to it, now as an adult I feel like a prisoner in my own mind and this whole world. I don't want love it won't help me, I don't want money, I don't want fame, I don't anything I just want to know I'll be ok tomorrow and stop this pain in my body and finally cry let it out for once knowing I'll be safe. I just hate people. I just want to hurt myself, I am getting much worse emotionally. I just want to cry so bad, but can't or I will get yelled at. I am so done now.

[healingme4me]

Who is yelling at you, for crying?

[Yismymindblank12]

When I get too loud from my parents. I can understand though they don't want to have the cops called on them when they didn't do **** to me. I had friends do it too, but it was more ****ed up situations and abusive ex's I had did it to me too. I just was going through psychotic episodes, because I am in love with this girl I am controlling my pain and **** just be apart of her life as a true friend. She is very gorgeous and definitely is more than flattered by me. I really love her, she knows it and definitely she loves me. I can tell how she talks and reacts to what I say. She's been friends with me since summer. I don't want my pain to be her pain, I had to stop crying and let it out more appropriately because I will take my abuse and pain on alone if I have to for myself just to be with her. She is a very nice good person. I never had feelings for a decent girl like her before it's really nice, definitely a very awesome adjustment to my abusive sex crazed ex's who yelled and hit me for crying or not giving them what they want. It was bad I mean, this is hard for me I am doing my best. She know it.