Depression annoys girlfriend

Maybe I didn't made that clear:
I'm only gone for about two weeks! It's not that much time... I already gave some kind of a little fluffy bear to kuddle with And so did she. And she got a ring from me. I don't know why exactly a ring. But she liked it and she is wearing it. The only thing: I'm not her background on her phone, but that's ok. It's one of those good looking guys without clothes^^ Sixpack and so on. She said that this doesn't mean anything that there is another man and I don't think that this will get "dangerous"... I don't like pics of myself (just because I look ugly in my oppinion) so I don't like her to have me as a background.

Look, maybe you're right and I neglect myself, but I did that before I even knew her. I never cared about myself, so why should I now? I just think she should care a little bit. Everytime somebody is talking about relationships they say it means to do everything for each other. So I do everything. And she might do that much, but she can make me the happiest man alive with her smile. I just gotta get her to listen. Breaking up is no option for me. Maybe this will happen anyways but I'm not about to give up now! I know that this is the easiest way to get this bad feelings away, but if I would break up with her, I wouldn't have anybody else in this world. I it would take so much time to find someone else... I don't even want someone else...
A few days ago somebody wrote in this forum "There is nothing complicated as human relationships" and I think that is so d*mn right. I don't even understand my own.
You tell me so often that I deserve more than her, and I like the fact that somebody is thinking that, but my depression forces me to think the other way. Everytime I hear "You deserve more" I can't really accept that. Cause I don't think I'm even worth such a beautiful girl! She isn't really that bad as it might sound here. She just might not be able to handle all that. Who knows? I really gotta talk to her face to face!

I got a lot of ideas to get her allow me to open up now. And I'm so happy that you guys want to help me! I'm gonna try them all and I'm going to report you when I did. But the next time I can see her is next week on tuesday and that is a lot of time. Unfortunately.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT SO FAR!!! It's really great to have you! Whenever I could help one of you; Just let me know!
I'll hold you up to date.

I really don't think it would be forcing anything. If she doesn't want to speak about it, maybe then its best to respect her wishes, but nonetheless it needs to be discussed. I realized my family and friends emotions about my depression and issues were a cause for concern about as much as mine were. I learned that have access to what people thought about me helped me to help them understand me. I needed to learn how to approach them as much as they needed to learn to approach me. I think that it would be important to maintain respect but when push comes to shove these things cant be avoided and she's going to need to open up about it all as much as you have been. We never really know when people are ready to hear such things, nor do we know when they will or if they ever will understand. Its a confusing process but it can work. When she seems stressed about it take time to reflect yourself, think about what has been going on in your life. Sometimes even we need to look at someone else's point of view. We have learned to accept it and have been dealing with it, but someone who does not experience it on a day to day basis does not know how to handle the overload of emotions and stress.

The important thing for you to remember is don't put this stress on you. It's not you who needs to understand yourself, it's her who has to put in effort and her who has to open up to everything. You've done your part, you are who you are and you have been honest with her. She might need even more time to come around, so do not stress under any circumstances.

Key points:
1. Be open
2. Be honest
3. Give yourself your own space to reflect
4. Don't feel like your annoying her, because if you hide it can only make things worse for yourself
5. Try to understand her side, if its a rough day explain all you can but remember she may need time to take it all in.
6. If you feel stressed that she is stressed take time to talk to her, understand where her head is at and make sure you both are ok.
7. Just breath, nothing comes fast, it's one step at a time.
8. Stay happy as much as you can, always take care of yourself.
9. Don't be afraid to ask for help ever, someone will always be there.
10. Keep your chin up high, cause your not alone, we are all in this together.

Torbleh, I understand what you mean. I'm pretty sure everyone here does- most of us have low self esteem and a depression of some sort- it's hard to take any sort of compliment or concern from anyone else.
I guess it's just like looking back in time, you're so young and you have so many chances to get better. It's a rescue fantasy, I guess- I can't tell you what I would give to have an adult who suffers from what I suffer tell me as a teen to stay away from that person- that it would be the worst decision I ever made. I guess my experiences just make me scared for you. But like any teen, you're hard headed (in a good way ^_-) and you know what you want- so go far it. If you fall, we'll be here to catch you, no "I told you so"s, I promise. And if it goes perfect from here on in, we'll be here to cheer you on, and tell you you were so right! Much love to you- tell us how it goes.

I'm sorry for not answering yesterday. I just had a fight with someone so when I got home I felt into my bed with so much pain that I didn't even wanted to take my clothes of. So I slept... A lot...

But there are some news today:
(Unfortunately, all the conversation happened via WhatsApp. I didn't want it to happen that like that, but now it's too late)
I was pretty angry about my girlfriend cause she didn't even want to hear why I had these pain I told you about, so I was a bit offended. She noticed that something was wrong and asked what happened. I said something like "Since when are you noticing that something is wrong with me? Since when do you care?" and that hit pretty hard I guess. So I told her, that I did so much listening the last time, that I always tried to help her with her problems and that I never told her that I don't want to hear. And she was complaining about really ridiculous things. I listened anyways though. So she really started thinking about what I said and she apologized for what she did (or rather not did). She even called herself a bad girlfriend which doesn't fit that well, but at least she noticed that she was doing something wrong.
So she told me that she will change and that she is really sorry. I just hope that she will not forget that.

If you guys want to I can send the 'apologize-message' and translate it for you. Just ask for it if you want to see it.

Pretty much seems like the problem is solved for now but I wouldn't say that this would last very long. I'll keep you up to date.
The next thing I gotta do is working on myself so she doesn't have something to complain about. I'm mean she shouldn't have anyway cause depression is something serious I can't do much about... I hope you understand he... If not then ask...

So...
I'll keep you up to date the next days if she really is changing anything.
Thanks for the support so far You are awesome!

I'm so glad to hear this went well for you! Please keep us up to date, and the best of luck to the two of you! You deserve it!

Sooo...
I'm back. It's been a while since I last got here. I apologize for that!

There are some news:
My girlfriend didn't really changed at all. She stopped complaining about it, but I didn't talk to her another time because she always changes to another topic when I started moving in that direction. But whatever...

Yesterday she noticed a pretty big "scratch" (more a pretty deep flesh wound) in my arm and she asked what happened. At first I didn't want to give her that answer, but I guess I had to. So I told her that I did cut myself and that this wasn't the first time I did. (And I'm not proud of it, but I can't stop... It feels some kind of good :/ ). She was really upset about it and asked why I did. I couldn't give her any answers at all. But now she tells me, that I really would need the help of a therapist. I don't want that! I already did a therapy without success and I definitely don't want to try it again! It hurts me more than it could ever help!

So what can I do? I don't want that standing between us, but I neither want a therapy!

Hi torbleh,

Allein ist besser als mit Schlechten in Verein: mit Guten in Verein, ist besser als allein.

There is really no good way around this. At this point you might be wondering in to a trust area with her. Meaning she needs to count on you not to cut yourself or killing yourself for that matter.

Putting all that on her is really not fair to the relationship. This is where a therapist comes into play. Perhaps the both of you could shop around for a theripist together. Creating a buyin on her part and your commitment not to cut on the table. This way you are being proactive.
BTW how are your meds working out for you?

I should add that I was in the same situation you are in now. I have BPD, I went on meds and a seeing a therapist and my relationship is much much better now.

Meds? Which Meds? I'm not taking any! And I don't want just that much as I don't want do make a Therapy...

Hmm... Maybe you're right! I might be pretty unfair to her.
And I see that I have to change that. But going to a therapist would be the worst thing I could do. I was never that kind of guy who takes help from anyone. Now I'm here at the Psych Central. You guys are very great and I'm happy that at least some of you understand me, but I don't think I could go to a T. and tell him about my problems, thoughts... whatever AGAIN! I already did that and it was not good! I started hating that man and I wasn't able do get away from him. The day when I finally got, I was like the happiest child ever. This guy didn't even help me at all. He made it worse!
Whenever I think about going through all that again, I think about killing myself, because I would rather die than going to somebody like him again. I can't even say what this man did that I hate him so much, but he gave me the feeling that I'm worthless as sh... Even more that before! I felt like I'm not able to live on my own. Well, I definitely am not, but telling that to me is not getting it feel better.

So there is no chance I will go to a therapist. No way!
I see that I really should change the way I handle it to my girlfriend, but I don't know how. If you have any ideas, please tell me.

Hi torbleh,

I am 37 and have been dealing with feelings like I can't get along with people so well sometimes, get severely depressed and unhappy all my life. I have seen many therapists and pyschiatrists trying to figure what is going on with me and create some sort of manageable life.

One therapist is not all therapists. There are SO MANY out there and the feelings you and I go through aren't ones that most people understand. Here you will find support and I am so grateful for such forums, but some therapists can over training in changing the negative patterns you are forming for your life. Medication also could help if something organic is underneath it all.

My advice is try to be gentle with yourself and your girlfriend and consider finding a doctor and/or therapist you actually click with.

Trying to be gentle to my girlfriend and myself? What do you mean by that?

Well, maybe... But it just can't be only her fault. I mean... It's about me. I am the one who got depression so I'm the one who's causing problems and trouble. So it isn't only her fault. I guess I have to change, too...

Just in case anybody still cares:

She broke up with me. The second time. The second time using WhatsApp! I'm even more down than before.

I don't blame her for dumping you. You refuse to help yourself. You're both still kids but you're dumping very serious issues on her. That's not fair. Go get yourself some help before getting into another relationship. You hurt yourself, have serious depression, etc. You are not ready for a relationship. You need to work on healing yourself first.

I'm not blaming her... I'm just... Upset. Pretty heavy!

"before getting into another relationship"? I don't think there will be one coming. I have no one now, that I would talk to and I hate going out. So I won't find another girlfriend, which means there will be no relationship!

And what kind of help are you talking about?

I agree with everything hamster bamster said. That was very rude and selfish of her to tell you that you're stealing her time. She doesn't seem to care about your issues or understand them at all.

You're both young, so it's pretty common to become more easily overwhelmed at that age. It'd be better to come here to vent and to try and find a different therapist. Have you tried any medication yet? Paxil has really helped me a lot. I still struggle with depression, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. I used to be a lot like you. I also made a few suicide attempts when I was younger with pills. I'd cry all the time too.

If you still want to stay in touch with this girl, go ahead and do so, but try not to talk to much about your problems with her. When you do that with some people, especially those that don't know how to respond to people with depression, it might end up pushing them away. Try to keep conversations with her more lighthearted and about normal topics for lack of a better word. Good luck with everything.

I know what you mean. kinda. I've always needed alot of attention from my gf, but instead o just depression i think my mood swings drive her crazy. she wants to know when you're sad, but you deserve way more than someone who thinks you're wasting her time when you pour your heart out.

I agree with everyone who has suggested finding another therapist. You can do that for yourself just to find a way to feel better, and it's really a great first step just to have that bit of control. Just doing SOMETHING for it helps.

I had pretty severe Seasonal Affective Disorder in High School. For months at a time I'd just become a different person and it really ruined a number of relationships - both I and the people I dated couldn't really understand where I was coming from. It made whatever I was going through at the time so much worse.

It's hard to take this to heart, but please realize that in High School you guys aren't totally developed yet. You're going to change, how you feel will change, and how people treat you will change. As a whole people still lack a lot of empathy for each other or are afraid to show it and be perceived as weak. Their focus is on themselves at that age.

Well, we are still talking. I don't know if this is such a good idea. I mean, I still can't really eat, I'm still sitting in my room thinking about why I did so bad at this relationship. (For some reason I'm not crying... Not even once) talking or texting to her feels weird. I somehow want to say that I love her, but that wouldn't help and things would get even more complicated! I can't really realize that it is over now! We celebrated our "one year relationship" last Saturday and three days later she broke up without naming any reason. And all what's in my head is "Why did you moron get her to leave you?!". I don't want to get her back :/ I don't know why. That wouldn't really help I guess. She already broke up once. I got her to come back. Now she left again. It just doesn't work and that is my fault...

I don't think there is someone like her outside. She was pretty understanding (sometimes and in other topics than my depression).

And I can't take the help of a therapist and meds. My parents wouldn't allow me to go to a t. They think everything is alright with me. "You're in puberty, that is normal at your age!" Well I guess suicide is not normal. And when I was in the psychiatry they told my parents that I have serious problems. They just don't understand anything!

Hi torbleh, I can understand what you're going through right now. People who have never had depression/suicidal thoughts simply cannot understand how we feel. Instead, they get upset, think we are causing them all this grief, when we can't help ourselves sometimes.

You are probably worse off than I, since you've attempted once, and you cut, but I still understand most of what you're saying. I am a 24 y/o male, with a girlfriend currently, and we recently just had some conflict regarding me getting depressed. She can't understand why I get so down, and why I can't just "snap" back out of it. I tell her that certain things trigger my depression, and once it's triggered I can't just "snap" right out of it no matter what.

Honestly I don't know if you should or shouldn't try to get back in touch with this girl. But for me, I know I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my girlfriend. And I know that isn't something good to say, but its true..I was seriously considering suicide right before I met her. She is my everything.

I am currently seeing a therapist that I have been seeing for about 1 and a half years now. I can't say that I would recommend therapists because I do agree completely with your opinion about doctors and especially mental health doctors. I've tried so many medications out there, that I just plain got sick of every single one not having an effect. I've spent probably $10,000 trying to figure out if meds work on me, and now I know that none of them do. It might be different for you, though. Life is just unfair.

As far as your parents go, you can't listen to them, they obviously have no freaking clue what is going on.

Well, they do have no clue. But I think they don't care anyways. I don't wanna say that they are bad parents. But I don't feel like they give me support for anything.


It was the same for me. My girlfriend was my only point of living! But now it's gone. Not only she is gone, I feel like my whole life is gone. I don't know how it should go on! I don't know what to do now... Life is a *****!