[JoeS21]

To be clear, my question is NOT about self esteem. IT IS about actual things I might be able to do or say to become a more pleasant friend and significant other.

My disability is limiting. Without going into too many details, I have extreme difficulty leaving the house in certain weather, I cannot drive (due to my disability), and when I'm at home the temperature has to be just perfect or I get sick. Given all of my limitations, other people constantly do things for me. They go to the store for me, they mow my lawn for me, etc. etc.

I know I'm NOT the only disabled person who wants to be LESS OF A BURDEN on others such as my significant other, family, and friends. I would love to hear what other people in similar situations have done to become a more pleasant person in these ways.

[Travelinglady]

Hey, JoeS21. Of course, I try to be very grateful and kind to be people who help me. Have you considered hiring people to do some jobs for you, so friends and relatives don't have to do so much?

And I do what I can, given my limitations.

[healingme4me]

Little hand written thank you notes, unexpectedly and randomly, might help? If it's the thought that counts, I've known many a person, who appreciates. Acknowledging bdays and holidays.
Dog stickers added, for a dog lover. Seems silly, but it's action, a step taken to return appreciation. Fav candies,is another. Little things, add up, as pleasantries.

[JoeS21]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hey, JoeS21. Of course, I try to be very grateful and kind to be people who help me. Have you considered hiring people to do some jobs for you, so friends and relatives don't have to do so much?

And I do what I can, given my limitations.

That's a great idea and I might be able to implement it. Thanks!

[JoeS21]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Little hand written thank you notes, unexpectedly and randomly, might help? If it's the thought that counts, I've known many a person, who appreciates. Acknowledging bdays and holidays.
Dog stickers added, for a dog lover. Seems silly, but it's action, a step taken to return appreciation. Fav candies,is another. Little things, add up, as pleasantries.

I like your idea of actually doing something to say thanks even if it's just buying a card and writing on it. I will think about what I CAN DO that might please some of the people who've helped me. I'm sure I'll come up with something to express my gratitude louder than words alone.

[thickntired]

Yes,

I agree that giving a small token of gratitude - especially if it is homemade. There are recipes online for candles, soap, you can grow herbs like lavender and make bath salts, or baked goods. I used to bake doggie biscuits. Also, see if there is any way you could repay the favor. Like if they need a person to pet sit or meet the cable installer at their house. I would absolutely get their addresses and send regular holiday cards. One thing I do, and I hope I'm not being totally rude, is used to forget people who are not on disability have different schedules. So, I try to stay cognizant of that fact and always leave an open exit during our visits. I have a lot more free time because I don't work 60 hrs a week and have 3 kids.

[guilloche]

Have you read the "Love Languages" book?

(I *think* this is the one I read... but if you put "Love Languages" into your favorite bookstore or library searchbox, you should get a bunch of stuff back. This guy seems to have written a ton of spinoff books from this original idea...

The Five Love Languages How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Now with a Comprehensive Study Guide): Gary Chapman: 9781881273158: Amazon.com: Books )

Anyway - I thought the book was awesome (and should be available at your local library). He talks about the different ways that people feel appreciated and loved, and how we all have a primary (and sometimes secondary) ways that are important TO US.

So, if "gifts" is important to you, personally, you'll feel loved and understood and cared about when someone expresses that through gifts, even small ones. Versus, someone who feels loved by "words of appreciation" or "quality time".

Really neat book, it might give you some ideas and help you better understand the "language" of the people that you want to express your gratitude and love towards...

[JoeS21]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Have you read the "Love Languages" book?

(I *think* this is the one I read... but if you put "Love Languages" into your favorite bookstore or library searchbox, you should get a bunch of stuff back. This guy seems to have written a ton of spinoff books from this original idea...

The Five Love Languages How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Now with a Comprehensive Study Guide): Gary Chapman: 9781881273158: Amazon.com: Books )

Anyway - I thought the book was awesome (and should be available at your local library). He talks about the different ways that people feel appreciated and loved, and how we all have a primary (and sometimes secondary) ways that are important TO US.

So, if "gifts" is important to you, personally, you'll feel loved and understood and cared about when someone expresses that through gifts, even small ones. Versus, someone who feels loved by "words of appreciation" or "quality time".

Really neat book, it might give you some ideas and help you better understand the "language" of the people that you want to express your gratitude and love towards...

I put this book on my wishlist and plan to buy it soon. Thank you!