Brother in Jail

Hello, I am writing to vent and get opinions.

My brother is 23, I am 30. He's in jail. Our dad is in hospice. Mom is schizophrenic. Aunt and uncle think that when he gets out, it is my responsibility to make sure my brother takes his meds, pays his rent, attend his therapy meetings. I do not agree. Meanwhile I am helping my dad out with his own rent, and making all the phone calls about his future death to friends and family.

I have problems with self-esteem. How do I draw the lines with boundaries? My uncle keeps calling several times a day with updates on my brother and just answering them and listening to his one-sided rant contributes to my stress.

Thanks

There certainly are a lot of concerns going on with the people in your family. And your uncle and aunt want you to do more - maybe they're hoping for your support to help your brother? Are they nearby? In order to communicate about your boundaries, could you let your uncle know that you want the frequency of phone calls to change - maybe you're agreeable to once a week phone calls? What frequency of phone calls would work ok for you? Could you state "please don't phone me every day". Figure out in your own mind what you feel comfortable with, and then inform them.

'uncle,, I can sense your overwhelming concern for my brother, i can appreciate that, as I care for him/love him, too. It's truly a tough time for everyone. Truth of the matter is, I've many responsibilities, at the moment, I'd like to keep these updates to 'x # days/week/month via phone and or x# times day/week/month via email.

I can only do what I can, I need to stay focused on what I need to do, right here, right now. I sincerely hope you can respect that.

Sorry to hear about your dad, how long before your brother is released? : hug:

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

They're gonna release him, turns out, Monday but will many details and conditions to his probation. I just feel like I care about him but if he screws up again, which is likely, it's not because I didn't help him! It is for many reaasons

If your aunt and uncle are so concerned with your brother, it sounds like they need to open up the doors to their own home and welcome him in! You are right - you can't stop your brother from making bad choices. If your uncle thinks that he can do it, let *him*. If he wants to nag someone, it sounds like he should be ranting at your brother, not you.

Can you just not answer the phone calls from your aunt and uncle? It sounds like you have so much on your plate right now. I can't imagine having to deal with phone calls like that on top of it.