[SecretAbyss]

Hello everyone... I have a question that has been eating away at me since about 1 year ago, when me and my husband were married... We are currently living at his parents house, thankfully for the most part I get along with his parents but still our relationship is greatly limited in some important ways due to this. I feel stunted, if that makes sense, and I feel very hurt....

I work from home, but having to come over to England (I'm from America) for periods of time and bills, etc, has sort of tightened my money situation. He works on contract and at times is gone for 12+ hours a day for week at a time doing his work. Work he always swore he wouldn't do- but now, now that we are married, he has taken up...Leaving me alone while he is gone, in a countr I don't want to be in. No offense to the country, I just miss ... home.

And then the abuse back at home where I feel I need to be with the woman whom raised me is causing me great guilt ... etc. My husband isn't very understanding of this because where she lives he doesn't enjoy and it is an ordeal every time I go back.

Anyhow, the question I have is....

Before we were married he went out of his way to make me feel special as I did him. I still try to make sure I go out of my way -happily- to make him feel loved and special. But he seems to have given up on doing the same for me. He gets mad when I can't force a fake smile, I don't know how to fake it on the days that I am too overwhelmed with things at home and then loss of what we used to share... Will he ever come back? I am not perfect at all but I try my hardest to be the best wife I can be, and though I am sure I fail, I ask him all the time how I can improve- ... I do my very, very best. His happiness is so important to me- but he seems to have suddenly (after our marriage, literally the day after) forgotten mine.

I am not used to having a family atmosphere, I don't really understand what is or is not acceptable, what is or is not too much of me to ask... But, I am growing more and more depressed because the time we spend together is not really spent together rather it is spent in the same room "together".

Our honeymoon was with his parents, and then another example is tonight instead of doing something off of our "list" of "special" things to do one on one, we ended up playing a board game with his parents.

Don't get me wrong, I love his parents but I feel I am losing my husband, and I am more than miserable... I hope I don't sound selfish or rude, I just miss the romantic, thoughtful man I married.

He agrees to working on things but then it always gets put on a back burner and then forgotten, or, if I bring it up it turns into an argument because he gets upset that I bring it up.

Am I over reacting? Please try not to be too harsh, I'm sorry... I just feel very...self conscious and am terrified to post this but here I go... Thank you if you read... Thank you...

[Marshellette]

It depends on if he's working in order to make necessary money or just avoiding you. Once someone I dated said he was completely busy. But I later found out he was just avoiding me.

Bit strange he took his parents on honeymoon... Was there a reason for this though? Have u wrote him a letter explaining how u feel? Xxx

[SecretAbyss]

thank you guys so much for responding... i make most of the money, which isn't saying much given we live at his parents when we are in the uk, but i can't have an apartment here and in america, i don't make that much... the money from the job he works he uses to pay off his bills and loans and such, and then we are supposed to live off of mine which is fine... but as horrible as this may sound i would have stayed in america had he told me he planned on working this job. In the US i can make more money to save for our future, but he doesn't want me going alone, yet he is refusing to go with me, I have spent the greater part of 3 years here and though he said he wanted to go to America with me, I think he is afraid.
The reason for the honeymoon... We had a wonderful hotel picked out, it was straight out of a dream. But we ended up not going there because his parents demanded (literally) to him that it'd be best if we went along with them.
I told him that even if we had to wait a bit i'd rather wait than go with his parents, i know this sounds so selfish but i sobbed in the car that day. My life has been full of abuse and I've never known a love like I have/had? with him. I didn't care if we stayed in our little apartment and just had our own special, creative romantic "time" - it was the 1 on 1 time I wanted, the romance he promised.
But his parents were going to visit some places and told my husband we needed to go along with them. My husband has a very hard time standing up to his parents which makes living here even harder even though we do get along.
I know he must work but he quit a "normal" hour job which I could cope with (it is beyond lonely living here when he is gone, TBH it is getting lonely when he is here) for a job he swore to me long ago he'd never take because of the hours. But, once again, his mother pushed him to go for the job and he never even discussed it with me.
I hope I don't sound selfish, I just am feeling very scared, a bit heartbroken and so very lonely. Please don't be too harsh, sorry if that is selfish of me to ask...
Thank you both again for your kindness, I appreciate it so much *hugs to you both*

Demanded they went with u??! This guy is a mummy's boy? Seems he's afraid of his parents to tell you the truth. I personally don think it's anything against you. Xxx

But I do think the fact he has pushy parents needs to be addressed. This is bound to be harmful for your relationship as u no doubt have no privacy within ur relationship due to constant interference? Think the guy is personally quite weak or has been bullied into it. Have you spoke to him about this ? Xxx

No space is definitely enough to make anyone feel lonely xx I can relate and if u need a rant I'm always here n u can pm me anytime xxx

[Alone & confused]

You don't sound selfish at all to me! It sounds to me like you've been very UNselfish! You seem to have sacrificed your happiness so that HE could be happy. It's not selfish to want some of the same courtesies bestowed on you by your husband!

Yup xxx this is true

When you married him, you married him alone and not his parents. Regardless of whether you live with them or not, they need to respect your relationship and your space. There are some boundary issues here that need to be addressed before they fester even more.