It has been 5 months now, I feel stuck and ashamed

:/ I duno it's a mystery. But you are definitely better off without him. U need get ur friends or get some solid support and love your life. Your a baby!! Xxx

And he's a idiot anyway since ur a pretty lady and nice to talk to. Xxx

Thank you dear, I'll try to stay away. I always do actually, always try..

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No trying about it lady. U need to otherwise ul end up ate up!!! Xx

Last time I checked the truth has never been fatal, it's what we choose to do with the knowledge that counts.

Don't let your fears rule you, this is when we start to become melodramatic or downright irrational.

Again. Acceptance is what you do, but you are resisting it with all your might.

That energy you are putting into resisting, begging/obsessing over "real" answers, that energy could be put to much better use.

Like acceptance, moving on, starting a new life...

You will always go back to contacting him because you refuse to place him in your past, you are trying to force him into your present by attempting to be friends.

This is not healthy at all, and bordering on illegal as well because you're basically stalking and forcing contact even after he blocks you.

Besides the fact that you end up harrassing him with this behaviour, you chip away at your own self-respect everytime you make contact, and again each time he ignores you.

This means that when you are finally ready to say "enough of this bullshyt" and accept the situation as is, you will have EXTRA work to do besides healing from the hurt of being rejected. You will need to work on self-esteem, self-respect, obsessive behaviour / boundaries AND the loss of someone you love.

I think you should re-evaluate your actions rationally.

Even if u did get answers I think ud still want to know more and it's be unhealthy for u :* xxx

Omg sounds really bad. It's him so for me it would never be harassing, coz it's him, we've lived together for ****s sake, we wanted a family! I know what you mean but of course the last thing I want to be for him is an obsessive ex, which I think i became already, but i honestly did my best trying to move on without answers and it is just too damn hard to do it without them.

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Yep, it is bad. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you are thAt ex gf....
The obsessed one

It's easy to get there;0 I've worn those shoes too in the past, so I'm not speaking out my a.s.s that acceptance is key, nor am I speaking from a plavce of judgement.

3 years ago I would've keyed his car

It is harassment sadly, because you are imposing your will on another, you call and text when its clearly unwelcomed and even prevented. Wether you have a history, lived together or even planned a future together is irrelevant at this point because he's no longer your bf, you no longer have the right to contact him at a whim.

You need to learn to play by today's rules, not yesterday's.

I don't think you went about moving on in an appropriate way at all actually.
Every choice you made was driven by what he would think or how he would react if he could only see you now.
(Thats if I remember your previous posts accurately. If I'm confusing with someone else, my apologies)

You didn't accept the terms of the break up either, you simply dismissed his reasoning and this lead to an inability to accept the reality of the situation, as well as your current obsession.

I sincerely think you need to re-strategize dealing witht his break up, and you need to start at the very beginning.

Yes, unfortunately it is me.. Last time I texted him I apologized for trying to find answers and forcing into him friendship that he doesn't want, I said I won't bother him again but will always be here if he needs me.. I don't know if it will make up for my behavior but I hope it did. I don't know why do I do this because it really isn't me, I am this way only with him because he meant the world for me, all I had was him and every day we spent together, if you only seen us as a couple, if you knew us, I think you wouldn't be so harsh on me.

Every time I do something like this my therapist makes me think that it is ok, and I should not judge myself and it is a good thing if I even try to stay away from him, but I think this is exactly what she shouldn't have done and she should have made me feel bad about it because I could leave him for a while but not for too long.

I'm not trying to be harsh, just telling you the very truths that helped me heal and grow.

The truth doesn't always come wrapped in a bow, sometimes its downright ugly, and I'm sorry that you felt I was harsh when I was just being straightforward.

I understand but he was not right and the only reason why act like this is because he left me with no explanation really after so many years, all alone in our apartment, waiting for him, if acts like this why do I have to be all good about it and be the right one? If he only talked to me like to a normal person it wouldn't be so hard for me, it really wouldn't, I would feel rejected but respected at least.

I don't think she should've been making you feel bad about it, but I also think she should've tried harder to discourage you and make you see the gravity of the situation.

I for one know that I wasn't trying to make you feel bad about it, and I doubt that anyone else on this thread was trying to do so either.

You sound very attached to this relationship still - to what was, and what could have been. I think on some level you do understand that this is in your past, but you keep dragging it into the present because you fear to let it go and move on. Four years is a long time, after all.

If I might suggest a few things you could try, I'd say start with putting your feelings down on paper. All of them, everything. Even if you said it or wrote it before. Do it in one go or add to it when you feel like it, it's your choice. I'd advise against burning it; keep it, don't share it with anyone. Most importantly, do NOT under any circumstances share it with him.

Next - this step is hard but necessary. Stop contacting him. It is essential for you to move out of this very damaging cycle, and I think you too realize that. Block him on Facebook, e-mail etc., delete his number, donate or throw away anything and everything that is his or reminds you of him. Literally purge him from your life, little by little. This might be very difficult to do, but it's the only way you can get on with your life.

Finally - accept that he is now in the past, and give yourself time and space to grieve. Don't keep those feelings bottled down. Cry, scream, punch walls (within reason!), in short express your feelings, accept them, let them pass through you and finally, in time, they will start to peel away and you'll emerge out of this reborn... like a butterfly out of a chrysalis.

I'd also advise you finding someone you can confide in to see you through this difficult time. A friend, relative, online friend - anyone with the openness and kindness to be there for you when you need them.

I hope this all helps. Maybe it's not all what you wanted to hear, but some things are harsh, and some things are hard... that's just the way it is.

I know, I guess nobody likes to admit that they are obsessive..

well when a T says "amen" to something that is wrong, for me, would be time to get another one. she doesnt seem to be helping u. tc

It's easy to share things with her. I saw her only a few days ago and she said she will think of some exercises that we can do to stop me from contacting him. I like her but maybe I'm just hopeless.

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