abandonment issues most of my life

Since I was a young boy I freqnetly felt abandoned imagined or real. This behavior developed a habit that went into adulthood. Which also ment I made abandonment tests and looked to be abandoned in any relationship. And since I knew I would be, I protected my self by never making any attachments. This started with my parents at age 5.

I really need to work on my attachemet abandonment issues as I am in a relationship I do not want to it screw up. Any adive or comments would be welcome.

How do you feel about yourself? I think that abandonment issues often point to the fact that one is not comfortable in their own skin. To me, that makes sense. Any time I've felt abandoned by someone, if I really look at the situation, they are the points in my life where I am unhappiest with the person I am.

I think we must first love and accept ourselves before we're able to understand why attachments don't happen or break easily. I'm not saying that this is what is going on with you; I'm certainly no expert.

Hi, snarkydaddy! I suggest you talk to a therapist about this matter. I think that's the best way to get this problem curtailed. I see a therapist and find it very, very helpful. I also had some abandonment issues.

Well, well, well, what a problem. I've never had abandonment issues because everyone I ever cared about (except my mother) has betrayed me. Still, I continue to risk relationships (supported by psychotherapy) in the endless hope than I'll find a precious gem. Most people find my BP-1 too much trouble to deal with and it's a bitter lesson to learn and far harder to accept.

That could be, good point. I have read about that as well. However in my case it is just a garden variety case of my mother abandoned me often as a preteen. Not making the correct mother child bonds. Nothing new here. Rather straight ahead. My lack of being able to make attachments and fear of abandonment is txt book reading and something I discussed with a therapist at length

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What sort of abandonment tests?

It's common to detach when abandoned as a child. Its what we've learned as a coping method. I was told I was adopted at the age of 4 or 5 and remember saying" does that mean you're not my real mother" ? I only thought about the woman who couldn't keep me and resented my adopted mom. I dissacociative and have been that way now all my life. I'm working with T on changing this but it's all I know.

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why the kind that blow up relationships
are there any other kind?

This too is a goal of mine, that is working on detachment and attachment issues. As it seems it is a serious problem when attempting to be in an intimate relationship.

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i hope you can learn to deal with your abandoment issues, it takes time and plenty of understanding and forgivness too. you probably don't realize it but it was probably a good thing because your parents weren't fit emotionally to handle a child. i hope you feel better about it once you talk to your t.