[Wants2Fly]

It's that time of the year when students have many excuses for work not done. I do my best to respond with compassion, but I know I have a way of being in the world that can seem intimidating and off-putting.

I was raised in a cold, touchless family, and I am an introvert. I work hard at making eye contact, leaning forward, and the other nonverbals and verbals that express interest and concern, which I usually feel inwardly but just have trouble showing in a "warm and fuzzy" way that students like.

I have a student who hasn't handed in a lick of work all semester, and has been shining me on for the past 4 to 5 weeks about handing it in. The latest excuse is that his grandfather died -- in Octobert -- and he is crying himself to sleep every night.

To complicate things, this is a big guy -- an EMT -- and I feel a bit intimidated when a guy outsizes me. He doesn't ask to hand in work late -- he just tells me that he's going to, never sets a date, and expect that his word goes.

Yesterday, he showed up to give a speech, without the written outline that is required -- on top of all the other written work he hasn't submitted since August when class started. I usually don't allow a student to give a speech without the written work, because it is just a waste of time. The assignment is structured so that a student fails without the written preparation. He was so insistent, and I get so intimidated, I just let him.

I know I was especially cold, in response to his being arrogant and demanding. I also know that just because he is big and an EMT doesn't mean he doesn't cry himself to sleep. Big guys can have big hearts, too.

I feel so badly that I didn't live up to my self-expectations for being compassionate. It's not that I think the policies should not apply to him; it's inappropriate for him to hand in a semester's work in the fnal week. My guilt is how I handled it -- my tone of voice, not expressing compassion for his pain while at the same time saying "no."

[razeljenny]

My professor friend Mrs. Harris had a problem with a guy student and me and her counceled about everything under the sun anyway so we casually expressed our fear of Adrien and the bottom line was the truth that he was muscular, emotionally a cannon and aparently danger to her and to the class and campus. We thought through it and decided not to tell on him to the higher ups because than he would know it was she that "told" again we recognized that probably he will never again attend another one of her lectures after the sememster, so we decided to allow him to think he could be a control freak in his own mind. After the exams and sememster ended she graded him with a "C" and he deserved a "D minus" But since she loves herself, and values her limbs, we both decided to just take a sigh of relief that we had him in no more lectures again. We both decided that Adrien eventually would have the Karma thing catch up with him "somewhere, some time" and it was not our job. We preserved our serenity, the classes peace as well and don't have to have worries about trama happening to her in real life, in her dreams or anywhere. "The Gut tell you the truth, when a person, Male or Female seems scary, because he or she "IS Dangerous" So you don't feel too bad and be glad when you don't have him in lecture next semester. Take care of yourself. You matter, You have to parent and love yourself, your inner big sister, may tell you to seriously just take it easy on this person, listen to her, for she loves and cherishes you and this individual aint worth your loss of happiness and clairity because you are pretty cute, pretty great, and worth a whole whole bunch, (he is a dumb aggrivating clunk-avoid this plefera demon, and don't feel immoral for passing him in the class, Protect your ***, you are more important, Karma will catch up eventually with this muscle head.

I love you teacher. robinee a junior college student

[seeker1950]

Fly...I'm a teacher too, though of middle school art students. I am lax and laid back with them, but am realizing there has to be a cut-off point in which the teacher says "NO." You responded correctly. Compassion aside, this EMT, big fella has not fulfilled the class assignments, and is "playing" you for all it's worth.
You responded correctly and professionally.
I'm in grad school right now, and if I did such a thing, I'd get an F!
Patty

[SeptemberMorn]

Wants2, I think your response was right on and so was you lack of compasion. Sounds to me this guy has been playing you. Good for you that you stood your ground!

[CJR520]

I would simply give him a very low grade, and it would not be up for discussion. He is playing this for all it is worth.

sounds like a crock of BS to me.........i remember those guys in school...........stand your ground..........love ya, pat

[DavidStrong]

I love giving kids like that an F. I can't help but getting all smiley and giddy. It's one of my great joys of teaching.

[Wants2Fly]

David, you made me laugh outloud. I don't take any particular joy in failing anyone. The universal response that he playing me was very reassuring. Thanks gang! I appreciate it.

[tugofwar]

Speaking from the point of view of someone who has done all the grading for a professor for 5 years, I've become kinda like David. I don't enjoy giving them an F (at least not yet--maybe that's what a few more years will do to me). But there's this sense of satisfaction that comes with finally putting their grade to rest. They got what they deserved. They didn't earn an A or even a D. They earned an F. That's that. I did what I could by sending regular grade reminders. When I taught, I'd ask them about their assignments, encourage them to turn in their papers, remind them of the late penalties, offer tutoring.

Ultimately, it's their choice. They got the grade for which they worked.

That's why I love policies. I used to jokingly refer to myself as "The Law" and I called my boss "Grace" cuz I stuck to the policies and if there were any exceptions to be had, they could be gotten only by pleading with him. LOL It was the theology department. What can I say? Anyway, policies are great things. They give me something to fall back on. "Hey, the syllabus says this. So there!"

I can't stand those students who think they can get away with anything and everything. Those are the ones who end up waking up (hopefully) to a nice strong dose of reality. Maybe the F will be enough to get them there.

As Red Green says, "Hang in there. We're pulling for ya."

TugOfWar

PS: Not that I have a heart of stone--don't want you to get that idea. I'm a big softie. I've just learned to be tough and stand by the rules/policies. That's what they're there for. I do know when to offer grace--but only when absolutely necessary.