[prettybear]

I've been dating a man with schizoaffective bipolar type for a couple of months. He was honest about his diagnosis from the beginning and it's always been something we've discussed openly. We communicate our needs very well and support each other.

About a month after we started dating he became depressed (shortly after a bad manic episode before we met). This obviously has been hard on such a new relationship but we've managed best we can. He isn't on any medication (it makes his psychosis worse, it dulls him, and he doesn't want TD), so the depression has continued for quite some time and seems to be getting worse. He sleeps all day and so I have a small window where I can talk with him (he tends to wake up a few hours before I need to go to sleep). When we're together he tends to sleep the majority of the time but he encourages me to wake him so we can spend time together. Even when we're together he doesn't seem like himself.

I'm struggling with feeling like he's inaccessible for such large portions of the day. When I'm upset or anxious I know I can't have his support because he's still sleeping, and I sometimes feel like I don't want to burden him with my own concerns because I need to be strong and stable for us. I've talked about medication with him but he's adamantly against it because of a couple bad experiences. I know it's not my business and not up to me, but I just feel like there must be some combination of meds that might help.

I have my own experiences with mental illness (OCD, anxiety, BPII), so I'm incredibly understanding and don't hold any of this against him. I care about him deeply and I want to see him happy and thriving.

I guess I just need support. I desperately wish I knew the partner of someone with schizoaffective so we could talk about these things. I could even use some words of encouragement or advice from those with schizoaffective. I always feel like there's more I could be doing to support him and make him happy.

Thanks

[kaliope]

I can sense your caring, concern and frustration. you are in a very difficult situation. medication would make things much easier if he were willing to try it. just because he has had bad experiences with some medications, doesn't mean it will be that way with them all. it took me 2 1/2 years of bad experiences, of call your dr immediately side effects, but I finally found meds that worked without side effects. you just have to be patient and willing to try. life is so much better now and I am living a normal cycle free life. I wanted it bad enough. I was tired of being sick and depressed. hopefully he will change his mind. take care.

[krisakira]

I have schizoaffective disorder. I am on many meds and don't know what my life would be like without them. I can hook you up with my husband if you want. He's a member here. I can ask him to pm you.

[krisakira]

Hook up as in get him in contact with you.

[prettybear]

He's still quite young (21) and his diagnosis is pretty new. He was hospitalized before we met and his healthcare team has been working with him since then to figure out a plan. He's against medications, and from what I've read it seems like medications make the biggest difference. Really, if he could just take a mood stabilizer he'd be okay. His psychosis isn't a problem for him as much as his moods are (but from my research it seems that mood stabilizers tend to make psychosis worse). I just wish he'd consider it, because his current "do nothing" approach isn't working and it's getting increasingly harder on me and our relationship.

[krisakira]

Originally Posted by prettybear

He's still quite young (21) and his diagnosis is pretty new. He was hospitalized before we met and his healthcare team has been working with him since then to figure out a plan. He's against medications, and from what I've read it seems like medications make the biggest difference. Really, if he could just take a mood stabilizer he'd be okay. His psychosis isn't a problem for him as much as his moods are (but from my research it seems that mood stabilizers tend to make psychosis worse). I just wish he'd consider it, because his current "do nothing" approach isn't working and it's getting increasingly harder on me and our relationship.

It might be time to consider laying down a few rules and boundaries for the relationship. You could try telling him how its affecting the relationship and that you want it to still work, but that he has to work on getting himself better, and that you will support that, but not support him if he's not going to take care of himself. It's about not being an enabler or having a co-dependent relationship with him.