[AngstyLady]

Ok, so about a week ago I posted an angry rant about my mom and how overbearing she is. And she is, and so I am trying to limit my interaction with her- she's like obsessed- she has disregarded/disrespected me by not listening to me when I tell her to stop 'advising' me on what to wear, what to do, call me at all times of the day just to 'talk' and including texts wishing me a great day and telling me to 'rise and shine' and the insane lines of random emoticons and the constant reminders about **** I know how to manage (like bills and other mundane things) She's so detrimental to my development. I need to get my birth certificate from her, as well as my social security card, as she insists on still; 'keeping it safe' for me. What am I? 12 years old? I'm 31 for ****'s sake! She also refuses to change my permanent address from hers.
So, I may have said something to her last night on the phone that pissed her ff and now I haven't heard from her all day and a bit over an hour ago the thought of her crossed my mind and I texted her "How are you doing?" with a heart and smiley face emoticon and haven't heard back from her. I'm trying not to call her.
I feel bad, but I know this isn't a healthy relationship

~Oh I just realized I missed a call from her because my music was blasting too loud- I listened to the message and I don't want to call her back- she refers to me as 'sweetie,' something else I told her to stop calling me thousands of times. I really believe she's emotionally immature. God damn it! I shouldn't have even texted her! This whole relationship is ****ed!

[CaptainChaos79]

I have the same problem.....

Augh overbearing parents really are the worst. The only reason mine are leaving me alone now is because they feel guilty about my depressive episode and how they didn't prepare me enough to handle life and so I told them they need to back off so I can get on my feet myself. And I've learned often that sometimes the best way is just to bait them with issues that aren't as important so they'll back off on the ones that are as well as pushing for a lot and then accepting a little (like, I want this and this and this, okay fine just give me this one) and eventually over time get all the things you want. Especially with parents who want to keep you as a baby your entire life you kind of have to force distance. Kind of gradually but force it all the same. Which is where understanding your mom and how she acts along how to best bring up topics to make her understand while keeping a lid on all her counterarguments come in handy. It's really tough but eventually do-able.

Best of luck!

Originally Posted by AngstyLady

Ok, so about a week ago I posted an angry rant about my mom and how overbearing she is. And she is, and so I am trying to limit my interaction with her- she's like obsessed- she has disregarded/disrespected me by not listening to me when I tell her to stop 'advising' me on what to wear, what to do, call me at all times of the day just to 'talk' and including texts wishing me a great day and telling me to 'rise and shine' and the insane lines of random emoticons and the constant reminders about **** I know how to manage (like bills and other mundane things) She's so detrimental to my development. I need to get my birth certificate from her, as well as my social security card, as she insists on still; 'keeping it safe' for me. What am I? 12 years old? I'm 31 for ****'s sake! She also refuses to change my permanent address from hers.
So, I may have said something to her last night on the phone that pissed her ff and now I haven't heard from her all day and a bit over an hour ago the thought of her crossed my mind and I texted her "How are you doing?" with a heart and smiley face emoticon and haven't heard back from her. I'm trying not to call her.
I feel bad, but I know this isn't a healthy relationship

~Oh I just realized I missed a call from her because my music was blasting too loud- I listened to the message and I don't want to call her back- she refers to me as 'sweetie,' something else I told her to stop calling me thousands of times. I really believe she's emotionally immature. God damn it! I shouldn't have even texted her! This whole relationship is ****ed!

"she refuses to change my permanent address from hers" Um, this is something YOU can do if you've moved out. It's not HER responsibility anyway nor does she have a say on what is listed as your permanent address. Go to the USPS and have it changed, contact the places that have your old address and change it directly with them. Problem solved.

Next you go and file for a certified copy of your birth certificate. She needs to give you your S.S. card period. You're an adult and she has no right to keep it. Get the law involved if you have to. Report it as lost and get a new SS card.

After that, cut off any other things she has to hold over your head and you need to take control of your life yourself. She will never relent you have to stand up yourself.

I'm sorry you're going through this but there are ways out

[StuckinRut]

You're relationship with your mother sounds very much like that with mine. I think that you have identified the nature of the problem, but it's very hard to break the cycle. In my view you have to make a step change, i.e. something abrupt. My advise is reduce the frequency of your calls. Give her clear signs that you are independent and deserve your own space. Probably she will increase the pressure on you and make you feel very bad about doing this, but in the end it will be better for you both... I say that as someone who is in the midst of trying the same tactic with my own parents, lol.