Supporting her while she heals

I dated a girl a couple years ago, but she pushed back because I was getting too close too quickly and her schedule was incredibly busy. We reconnected a couple months ago and spent several days on the first pure vacation she'd had in years, but this time the deeper and more fundamental issue was brought to the surface: She still hadn't fully dealt with the sudden death of her fiance several years ago.

Since then I've tried to be positive and supportive while she (presumably) gets professional or other help to get herself in a better place. While this has been happening, she's been largely silent (she's the type who won't say anything if she doesn't know what to say). So while my mind understands and I don't let on that I hang on her every word and dread her silence, I hurt waiting impatiently for her to find a better place and hope she comes towards me when she's ready.

We live in different states currently, so it's not like we bump into each other. This girl's far and beyond anyone else I've ever met, so moving on at this point wouldn't work if I wanted to. She knows how I feel, though I'm afraid the perceived pressure of that outweighs the unlimited support I'd be willing to give if she ever asked. After a couple months of silence immediately after the trip, she had a cute response to a humorous text, which made me hopeful. But later that week when I asked if it was a good time to talk and see how she was, she said 'not really a good time right now' though the context of why was missing and could be a number of things besides her healing.

So at this point, I'm trying to find the best way of supporting her while still promoting the idea of us as a long term possibility. How do I try to stay a small part of her life in the meantime. Is there a way I can start a more consistent dialogue without making her feel pushed considering that's probably going on in the background of both our minds? I'm willing to do what's best for her, but it'd be disingenuous if not an outright lie for me to act as if I didn't have these feelings for her or a hope for more in the future. I know there's no right answer, but any thoughts would be appreciated.

Hi randomguy73. It sounds to me like she just wants her space. You're right, without context it's hard to tell why, but if you've made it clear how you feel about her, all you can really do is give her the space she needs and let it go.
By 'made it clear' I mean, yes, your actions may indicate that you care, but have you ever said out loud, I still really care about you and would love to see us back together at some point? Or something along those lines. I think if you make a clear statement of intent, and then go by her reaction, you can't go wrong. It sounds like she's being evasive, for whatever reason, and by saying that she's the type to be quiet when she doesn't know what to say, it sounds like she just might be awkward in intimate situations. Which is fine, no judgements, but I think that you also need to protect yourself. You don't actually know what she's doing with her life and if she wants you in it on a regular basis. And if you are super attached right now and just kind of hanging on waiting for a sign that may never come, it could explode in your face.
So, express that you care and want to be there for her, and ask her what she wants and needs. And then go from there. Decide whether or not you can live with the response/request. Good luck.

Hi, if you really like this woman and you have not made it clear....I mean telling her how you feel maybe you should. If her fiancé died a few years ago I would think she would be ready to move on.
At least if you make your thoughts known you can find out if there is a chance for you. If not, let her find a way to heal with someone else support, rather then bringing yourself down!

Grief affects people in different ways as I am sure you are aware. As you pointed out, that is at the core of your dilemma. It could be that she is fearful to get close to someone else right now for fear of losing them. That can be a powerful struggle especially for someone who has a tendency to internalize.

Personally, I would recommend being a resource to her. Try to think in terms of what you would need if you were in her situation. Being there for her as you have can mean a lot even if she hasn't expressed as much to you. Find ways to brighen her day with a joke or sharing an interesting anecdote or story. Occasionally remind her that you want to support her in whatever way you can and she is always welcome to turn to you for anything much like spondiferous suggested. Much of where things go depends on her at this point but you can be a source of stability and comfort available to her. Your loving patience is sure to earn you a level of endearment from her. When she is ready to move forward that could translate into her leaning in your direction.