What he wants? What I want?

Right now, I'm an emotional mess. I feel utterly confused and it's mostly my own fault, however I'll make this as brief as possible.

My ex left me in January for reasons still unknown, yet throughout February he's been contacting me regularly and it's left me utterly lost. I confronted him and he said he didn't want anything from me, didn't expect anything and he just wanted to chat.

I know that's not the real reason, no man would break up just to contact you so much as he did. He would contact me to let me know something which is of mutual interest, to ask how my family was, to let me know if I needed help with anything etc.

After I confronted him, I told him I still loved him but needed time to move on and heal and that we still had unresolved issues and we needed to clear the air. I told him I couldn't be his friend until we had done that and that he should message me once he was ready.

However, I didn't hear from him for 13 days. I always came to him whenever I had computer issues and as I was experiencing major ones, I tried to Google, Bing, Ask.com my way to a solution, but to no avail. I sat for 3 days, just contemplating whether to ask him and finally did it. I asked my questions, got my answers and tried to shut down the conversation by saying "Well, thanks anyways" more than once.

He kept it going and I don't know what happened to me, I turned weak and we began to talk. We've been talking regularly since and it's as if nothing ever happened between us, we talk as if we're best friends again, playful chit chat, inside jokes and even share Youtube videos.

It's ridiculous. I felt so strong, I felt as if I was making progress and finally felt like I could move on, leaving him behind. I had a goal, to slowly vanish out of his life but now I feel lost again. I fear I with one click of a mouse, undid all progress in healing and handling this right. Because I did handle it right, until I messaged him.

I don't know what I want anymore, I can't recognize my own emotions and I feel split, torn. I love him, I told him that but I don't know where I stand, where he stands. He said "we were friends before we were boyfriend-girlfriend" and while it's somewhat true, there was always more. We were always romantically involved with each other, we were never JUST friends.

One part of me wants him back, hoping, wishing that he will come back home. It's a tiny part of me, but it's there, nagging, bugging, confusing me and making me feel like this.

Another part, a major one - just wants to slowly slip out of his life, wants to deny myself all feelings for him, wants to cut all ties and just forget about him.

I was so clear about what I wanted, but now I just can't sort all of this out.

What should I do? How do I turn this around? Is there any way I can figure out what he wants? What is wrong with me?

Well, first there nothing "wrong" with you. There are a few actions you have or haven't done that are helping lead to this issue, but there's nothing "wrong" with you in particular.

That said, guys are oddly possessive. Once they have something, they get bored with it and want something else. Once that thing is gone though, they want it back.

From another man's perspective, he's playing a cruel game with your emotions and I really hate the old "we were friends before ..." blah, blah. It's not that he's intentionally trying to hurt you, but it's that possessiveness rearing up in him.

It's going to be really hard, but you need to be able to separate yourself from this situation until you get your feet under you. Tell him you two can't be in contact until you're able to get yourself in a good, stable situation and that it's healthier for the both of you.

But remember, there's nothing wrong with you, it's just a tough situation.

Thank you for replying.

Well, I figured there would be another reason and he's never really been open to me about his feelings, he hides them and protects them by building walls around himself.

I know it'll be hard to do it all over again, distancing myself, because I really still love the hell out of him. Stupid emotions.

Boy, I have to agree with you there. Life would be easier without emotions ... but they give us our compassion and concern for others so I guess we need them.

Just hang in there.