I'm so frustrated & need some help!

My husband suffers from bi-polar and possibly some other mental illness issues. Recently he quit taking his meds again. He doesn't think he has any problems. The last time he quit, he kept threatening to sell "everything" and disappear, he did not care if he ever saw his son again, and eventually he started threatening to kill me. That's when I took the kids and left until he went back on the meds.
When he announced to me that he had quit meds again I felt really depressed and a little panicky. It has been a little over a month so far. He has been angry with me every day, over everything. He got angry over a piece of scotch tape a couple of days ago. I am nervous and shaky all the time that he is home b/c of this. He has called me *****, ****, Stupid, Dumb, and whatever else he can think of. He keeps threatening to take our son and disappear so I will never see my child again. He has also been nasty to my oldest son. I cannot say anything right. When I don't say anything, that is also wrong. Life has become terrifying again.
When I try to talk to him calmly, like we are both adults, he reverts to screaming, chanting, raising his hands to call on Jesus, hiding under the bed covers, or running out to his shed to hide from me. He will not carry on an adult conversation. It's like dealing with a 3 y.o. having a temper tantrum.
Alternately, he tells me about how he went to get gas the other day and pulled up on the wrong side of the gas pump. He got back in the car and pulled up again on the wrong side. He got back in the car and did it a third time. It took him four tries to pull up on the correct side and get gas. This to me would be something to worry about. He doesn't see it. He is doing more and more things like this. What does it mean? Some kind of mental decline, but is it related to the bi-polar, or some other issue.
I am planning on how to get out of this relationship, but it looks to be quite a long time before I can make it happen. (likely years), so any insight would be helpful. Thanks so much!

He needs to be seeing a professional. As he isn't compliant with his meds, it's unlikely that he's going to be compliant with going to therapy or a psychiatrist but in that case I think it may be wise if you inform a doctor or whoever distributes his medications of these behaviors. It isn't safe. He isn't safe, your kids aren't safe, and neither are you. It may be necessary to move out again until he is able to get himself together... A facility might even be best for all involved for the time being.

You show interest in wanting to ween out of this relationship, and I think moving out for your safety again would be the first step. The other arrangements can come later. I know you may feel like you don't want to make a fuss or other reasons, but it's time to reassert yourself.

Before you worry about him, please take care of yourself first and your kids. His behavior and emotions will never be on your account.

Good luck, I know you can do this.
If you feel you are ever in immediate danger, call emergency services or go to a woman's shelter. There are lots of women in the world who have experienced the pain that comes with having an out-of-control husband.

Thanks for the reply. No, he doesn't want to talk to a therapist either. He doesn't believe there is a problem. The other time I left we were only gone for an hour before he called me from the doctor's office & agreed to go back on the meds.
I am afraid to leave b/c he has threatened me with calling the police and having me arrested for ???? - who knows what??? - something he makes up in his head, I guess. Then he says he will try to take our child away from me & put him up for adoption, because he doesn't want to take care of him. It's all so crazy. My two older boys have somewhere safe to go in that kind of situation, but the youngest does not. I don't want to see him dragged through the mud.
He is not home much of the time and when he is, he is often sleeping (up to 18 hours per 24 hour period), or outside in his shed, or music room, so it is only difficult when he is awake and in the house. It's so peaceful when he's not at home.
He is in such a childish state that my oldest son (15) has taken a fatherly role with the others. This is slightly weird, but I don't know if I should do anything about it or not. Older children helping with the younger children is not unheard of, after all.
I am mentally detached from him enough that I am not "in love" with him, I just feel the kind of love you would feel for a sick family member. Because he is not around the children much, I feel like he would cause them more harm if I tried to leave. It is so hard to know, but I am planning and actively working towards my and my family's "escape" plan (if necessary).

This isn't about you, first of all. Second, worrying about safety is most important. Trying to understand which illness this could be won't resolve anything, right now. That healing process can come, later. Because you are still married, much easier to get away. There's state funding available. Contact a help line, connect with a d.v. Attorney.

why would it have to take years? Going at it, traditionally, leaves you in more physical danger, than you realize.



Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Document evidence and accounts of his behavior. Make sure you have other people in the loop who can bear witness to this as well. As unstable as he is, I would think he wouldn't have the remotest chance of getting custody.

What your children are seeing and the grown-up role that they are having to play is not benign. I am sorry that you all are having to go through this. I do hope that you will get yourself and your kids away from him.