[Burnsparkleshine]

I'm not sure what he is thinking and I'm not sure I'm communicating with him effectively enough. Does anyone have any good resources for what I could do better to explain that I am stressed out about him not having a job and doesn't appear to be looking for one? He spends A LOT of time building websites and learning how to do that to eventually make money but he isn't terribly proactive with bringing money in. I am trying to be supportive of his artistic side but I feel like I've had enough. WE have 3 kids who are 12,11, and 2. I am working at a job I DESPISE because he can't (or won't) find a job. I'm so frustrated by this. He is a good man. I'm just over it. please advise.

[Middlemarcher]

My ex-husband was a good, kind person, too, but he wasn't a responsible person. He was unemployed for over two years and spent little time looking for a job. I generally didn't talk to him about it, because I didn't want to bring him down or threaten his self-esteem. So I mostly kept quiet about it, except for a few times when particularly hard financial times hit; then, I ended up crying and asking him to please do what he could to step up his game and find a job.

Eventually I was at the end of my rope because of this and other things. I told him that our marriage was on the line. I stopped sugar-coating things and worrying about his ego, and just spoke to him directly. He had a good job five weeks later. (We ended up divorcing anyway; there were plenty of other problems, and all the resentment I had stored up had taken its toll as well.)

So my advice is that if you're biting your tongue or trying to sugar-coat how much this is stressing you out and upsetting you, stop. You don't have to be unkind, and you don't have to give ultimatums, but I think you should be very, very direct. Remind him that he has a responsibility to his family.

Good luck to you all. I know this is a hard situation. Sorry that you're having to pick up the slack.