[arachnophobia.kid]

I started falling for a girl a little while ago so I did the normal stuff and eventually asked her out. It went well! Her and I had a romance for about a week, seeing each other every day, and everything seemed to be going in the right direction. I was really happy.

Then she hit me with the "I'm not ready for a relationship" line. Saying that she wants to be with me but she thinks she needs to be alone for a while. I'm not sure how genuine that statement is or if what she really means is that she's just not that into me. But either way, that was that, I cried it out, and she said she wanted to remain friends. So we've been doing the awkward friendship thing for about two weeks now.

But the difference between now and then has been night and day. It's barely even a friendship, she's very cold all the time, and two days ago she flat out stood me up. Even for someone who is just a friend I think that's careless and mean. It really hurts.

She's become very insensitive and closed off. I think she's afraid of intimacy so she's pushing me away. Why are so many people incapable of love? Or do I expect too much?

Originally Posted by arachnophobia.kid

Why are so many people incapable of love? Or do I expect too much?

I'm sorry this happened to you, but I will simply answer your questions.

There are far too many reasons different people are either afraid of intimacy or unable to love others romantically to go into here. Instead of asking why, ask "where are the ones that are willing and capable?" and redirect your focus. Asking why so much will really be pointless.

You don't expect too much. Expecting to find someone that will reciprocate love and want a relationship is completely reasonable. But to expect it to easily happy happen and be easy to find is the part that is setting your expectations too high.

They are out there, but finding the right one will take time. More than likely it will happen when you're not looking too hard

Hang in there, my heart goes out to you, I'm sure it hurt to have this happen

[arachnophobia.kid]

Thanks s4ndm4n, I am in a lot of pain and your support means a lot.

I know you're right about all that stuff, it's not really what I want to believe right now but I know it's the truth. I'm still trying to believe that there is some hope for things to turn around with her but maybe that's unwise. I can't help it though and I can't help how I feel about her despite how she is treating me.

Thanks for making me turn and look at the truth.

[yumi]

It is probably not about you, so don't beat yourself up about it.
Chances are, she may have been extremely hurt in the past and is scared to open herself up to the vulnerability of getting hurt again. I know I am like this. I have not been able to let anyone in since I left and divorced my ex a few years ago.
Give her space and time. But, maybe from time to time do something special for her to remind her that you are there and want to be in her life. Don't go overboard, tho so she doesn't clam up further. Hang in there. I hope things work out.