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Old Dec 15, 2006, 03:17 AM
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Rustystar Rustystar is offline
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Member Since: Dec 2006
Location: WI, USA
Posts: 7
I don't know how to deal with the relationships in my life right now, not only because I'm dealing with depression/anxiety, but because the two most important relationships in my life are completely unhealthy for me. How do I deal with a Mother and a husband that are just completely unsupportive and mentally unstable? I try to be supportive when dealing with them, and I listen and give advice, and most of the time I try to keep my issues and feelings to myself because whenever how I feel comes up, it's always dismissed in one way or another.
With my husbad I feel that I am carrying all of his weight. He is suffering from major depression/anxiety disorder and has difficulty even functioning on a daily basis. His refusal to work for nearly 3 months has left us in debt and struggling, not to mention while he wasn't working he lied to me about it and borrowed money from all of my credit cards without my permission, which has basically ruined my credit and forced me into credit consolidation.
It's so devastating to have my own Mother belittle me and constantly compare her life and hardships to my own. No matter what I'm going through, even if I just need her to listen she has to remind me she's been through so much worse and that however I feel she's felt so much worse. Most of the time she makes me feel that I shouldn't even be discussing my problems, because I really have nothing to complain about when compared to her. It's gotten to the point where I don't even feel like I want to talk to her about anything other than the weather. She loves to give me guilt trips about things I have no control over or have had no part in, I've spent so much of my life protecting, defending, helping, excusing my Mother that I don't even know what it would be like to have a parent that was just there for me caring about my happiness or success. In addition to that my Mother suffers from self defeating personality disorder and she also feels a tremendous need to compete with me. She is 20 years older than me, and has tried over the years to manipulate my friendships, and involve herself intimately with potential love interests of mine. She's broken into my chatting and email accounts and started relationships under an alias without my knowledge and when I found out expected me to continue the lie for her without ever apologizing for her actions.
I love my Mother, she's the only one I have, but I don't know how to have any kind of successful relationship with her because of everything that has happened and everything she continues to do. Sometimes it's like all I need/want is someone to tell me I have the right to feel the way I do and a reasonable expectation to discuss it and not be told how ungrateful or lucky I am.

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  #2  
Old Dec 15, 2006, 09:58 AM
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Soidhonia Soidhonia is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 4,344
Hello you need to get a support group for yourself, and make sure you keep your mental health safe as well, so that you can be able to cope with the pressures that you have everyday. You need to be hoonest and open with your therapist and Psych Dr about what you are going through, so tha tyou may be able to get a case manager to help you with the extra stress that you are going through. NAMI and DBSA are both good support groups as well, and church offers a lot of support as well, if you need support (Just a suggestion ) and the hotline number is 1-800-273 TALK if you need to call someone to talk to in person, when you are stressed. what has really helped me is going to support groups and getting involved volunteering in the community. I hope your life gets better soon, but sometimes to have the life you want, you have got to want the life you need, and take the steps necessary to have the life you need. that is emotionally healthy. Take care email anytime Sincerely Soidhonia
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  #3  
Old Dec 15, 2006, 08:06 PM
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you always give such caring and supportive gifts, Soidhonia...........thank you for contributing so much to PC. xoxoxo pat

obviously, i agree with the advice that you've been given by Soidhonia............xoxoxo pat
  #4  
Old Dec 27, 2006, 11:12 PM
razeljenny razeljenny is offline
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Member Since: May 2006
Location: Wasington State
Posts: 340
Self-esteem cards helped me when I have lived with unsupportive folks.

Idealy- leaving them all would be the answer but affording to do such a thing is probably out.

That is abuse. Making up self affirmations if you can to start. Quitting sharing with this woman sounds terrible but a total disconnect would really benifit you.

I started journaling to pretend I had a sane caring empathetic soul in my life- since I did not and it took quite a while before I did get some empathy.

As soon as you get built up self-esteem wise you will begin attracting others that are going to help you or atleast not hurt you as you are hurt now.

Don't give up though. You like me may have to listen to the beat of your own drum but it will improve slowly. Remember we are great and need no one to affirm that to us. We wear cotton in the ears to protect ourselves and we have every right to seek love acceptance and security, just because a bunch of sick people are near us dosen't mean Anything- we will remain centered and get through the storm because GUESS WHAT WE ARE WORTH IT AND THERE IS ROOM IN THE WORLD FOR US AND OUR NEEDS. WE DESERVE GOOD AND WILL GET IT.
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