Close-knit vs. Enmeshed

Here's an interesting article on the enmeshed family. This is on my mind because I escaped from one, and they're trying to pull me back into it. The general sentiment seems to be, if you share a significant amount of DNA with somebody, you owe them your loyalty at all costs. There are no boundaries in an enmeshed family, and no individuals.

Call my family "enmeshed," and I'm sure they'll counter with words like "close-knit." There is a lot of talk about loyalty, and sticking together, and "loving each other through it," when in fact there is no "through it" but instead staying constantly "in it."

So how close is "too" close? When is loyalty misplaced? My belief is, when you get to the point of lying to the police to keep a loved one from going back to prison, that's over the line. (It's happened in my family.) Are there more subtle cues? For example, how much nudity is acceptable? Some families don't think twice about walking around undressed in front of each other, regardless of gender or age level. "Hey, we're family. So what?" I'm a little squicky about letting that continue past the age of toilet training, myself, unless somebody needs help for medical reasons. But in a past marriage, I saw grown men walk around in their underwear or less in front of grown sisters, or even grown sisters-in-law (namely me). In that family, it's normal.

And this, "If you mess with my relative, you mess with me..." How much of that is healthy, and how much is pathological?

These are really good points that are mentioned, and good questions about loyalty, velcro families, and perhaps boundaries.

Velcro families. I like that term.

Thanks for the article and sharing. It resonated a lot with me as I have sought out professional therapy to get some distance from my controlling enmeshed family. For me, close-knit means close and respectful where as enmeshed relates to unreasonable closeness enforced with controlling, emotionally manipulative behavior, including guilt.