[snkr]

I just started this account because I really needed some insight. I tried talking about it to my friends but they're in the same boat I am.

I moved in with my roommate 8 months ago and everything was fine. We talked about how we would clearly communicate with one another if one of us got annoyed or had a problem, and the other person would not get defensive since it's nothing personal.

Over the holidays I stayed a week at my parents. When I returned, I asked him a simple question about my turtle and he flipped out on me. He started yelling on the phone and wouldn't explain why he got mad. Also, whenever he gets in a fight with his girlfriend he gets really angry and starts throwing things or uncontrollably yells into the phone (like he had done to me).

I tried talking to him about it, figuring out why he had gotten so angry. I even explained myself and what I was feeling (confused) and told him I didn't understand and I wanted to. But all he did was mock me and say "are you drunk?"

Now, he acts super passive aggressive. I'm supposed to clean the bathroom garbage and he takes care of the kitchen. One time the garbage was kind of full and I was going to clean it but I forgot and had to go out. I was going to do it when I got home. When I realized he had taken his own personal garbage and shoved it in there to make it fuller so that I would have no choice but to clean it.

He has his own garbage bin in his room and out of all the garbage bins in the apartment, the bathroom one is the furthest from his room. Logically it makes no sense. If it was because it was a mess, he could have easily used the kitchen garbage, but he didn't. Also, he's NEVER thrown out any non-bathroom items in that garbage until now.

I can deal with passive aggressive behavior since I'll either ignore it or confront it. But when I do confront it, he'll make up stupid excuses that aren't logical or rational at all.

He say he's not passive aggressive no matter how many times I call him out on it. One time, I was talking a long shower and I've told him many times, if he needs to use the bathroom to let me know, because if he doesn't I'll be taking my sweet time. Even though the water was running I could hear him sign and grunt and even yell at himself in his room, saying things like "what is she doing in there?" "why is she taking so long?" and I thought he was on the phone first, but then he would keep banging on the table with his fist.

I could hear him and I don't like to be bullied so I took my shower and made it as long as I wanted it to be. When I got out of the bathroom, I asked him if he needed to use the bathroom because I heard him sighing outside but there was no knock on the door. He replied yes and so I told him again, oh well please let me know bc sometimes I like to spend a long time in there if no one needs the bathroom.

Whenever I need the bathroom and he's taking a shower, I let him know very calmly that I'm waiting to use the bathroom but it's not an emergency.

To put the cherry on top,

he likes to track which web pages I go on, he randomly comes into my room with no explanation, but only when he thinks I'm not home (he doesn't do that anymore because I would ask him if he went into my room - I used to set up traps - and he would just deny deny deny), he peeks into my bedroom window from the balcony - one time I woke up and he was using a cellphone to zoom into my window where my bed was, he's constantly comparing me to his last roommate saying "you're better than my last roommate" whenever I ask him how is everything? AND he has definitely taken stuff from my room. Not to mention, it's been MONTHS since he's bought a bottle of conditioner. He would use mine. So I stopped leaving my toiletries in the bathroom. Whenever he uses my stuff in the kitchen, he NEVER cleans it or puts it back no matter what I say. Sometimes he comes into my room while I'm studying and even when I ask him to leave multiple times in a serious tone, he still won't respect me and won't take me seriously.

IRONICALLY he would always say how he hates when others are "disrespectful" to him.

That last paragraphs was more of a rant than anything else but those are the small details that have just been piling up. I always talk about things to eliminate any chance of miscommunication but he always just puts on this fake smile and pretends everything is okay and tells me to 'chill'.

... normally I am so chill. I work in hospitality and I am good with dealing with people. I also have strong relationships with my friends and family despite rocky histories. I like to think I am understanding and I don't really get defensive but I don't know what to do. I don't know how I should handle him, or even IF I should handle him. Should I just ignore him and work around his passive aggressive behavior even though it does affect my routine? I don't think he's dangerous, I've met his sister and his closest friend. And sometimes he brings other friends over, but the thing that scares me the most, is he's a different person around everyone he has brought by.

Also, if I may add to this long long post, maybe I am just paranoid after all this crap he has pulled but sometimes my intuition tells me that he interprets my behavior as passive aggressive behavior towards him. (EXAMPLE: I'm very loud in general but I am quite conscious/aware of that. So I try to be quiet when I know he's around. I asked him once if I was too loud on the phone and he said no. SO, just to be thorough, I asked him if he could hear everything I said and he said yes. I asked him if he eavesdropped and he says, well it's kind of hard not to. I told him not to and next time he can hear me speak clearly, to let me know so that he's not eavesdropping. His reply was, oh that's cool you only talk about boys anyways and gives me this little smile as if I'm interested in him. But it's not true at all since I call my mom routinely and we talk about school work family anything BUT boys and yes he's around for that too)

I understand passive aggressive people often don't know they are being passive aggressive. But EVERYTIME I call him out on it, he denies it and tells me to chill.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP!

[waiting4]

Well, I don't know if he's dangerous...fact is, ANYONE can be dangerous if provoked enough, but just the fact you're afraid of him, and his actions are not at all healthy...my advice, is start looking for another roommate. Life is too short to spend anytime with someone like him.

He won't get better....it will only get worse. (the voice of experiance)

I just went through this! This time I drew up a contract, checked his background and I have a keyed dead bolt on my door and keep it locked when I'm not in it. I insist he do the same.
But this guy is waving some big red flags and I suggest you get him out ASAP. For your own safety and peace of mind. Living with suspicion and tension is no way to live.