[Joanne6]

I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. We've been having some problems lately...now we are together but not. I know many of our problems are because of him and his past situations in life. He came from a broken home, a parent died, and he has had horrible relationships in the past where he has been severely hurt. I told him he needs to seek counseling and he knows this too, but he hasn't made the first step in seeking help. Is there any way I can help him do this? His past is killing our present and future. He is a good person with alot of problems and in a way he can't help who he is or what has gone on in his life. I really believe if he sought out the counseling he needed our relationship would be alot better.

[darkeyes]

Have you suggested going with him, together? Maybe as a couple he'll feel less anxious? Just a suggestio, I don't know either one of you so I can't tell, but when I first went I was alone and I met my psychologist and told him I had to leave I was too upset to even talk, I handed him the check cause I felt terrible standing him up, and I drove off, he called me at home and we rescheduled and things then worked out, I was less scared to talk. Opening up to a stranger at first can be ver scary but becomes easy as sessions go on, kinda like talking to a good friend providing the therapist makes you feel comfortable, cause I had one I never went back to, made me feel like I was the one that had to work on everything and was a real shmuck so I never went back, but I'd like to believe from my positive experiences that most therapists are beneficial to those in need. Talk it over again with him when the time is good and see what happens, make it so it is not like a "pressured" situation which I'm sure you are not doing, you seem very understanding. Take care of yourself, and each other, let us know how it goes.
"darkeyes"

[Joanne6]

I told him that I would go with him so he wouldn't be scared or nervous. It seems like part of him wants to go because he knows he's not ok, but another part of him thinks all that therapists want is your money and that he is beyond help. He said he wants to try to deal with things on his own but at the same time he doesn't. So it's a really messed up situation.

[bptoo]

Joanne,

I felt the same way as your boyfriend before going into therapy, I was sure that the doctors were only in it for the money. But I knew that doing nothing was only going to accomplish nothing. I was very lucky to find a very good therapist who is working with me on a lot of my childhood issues and helping me to learn new coping skills. And while I do have a long way to go, I am getting better. One thing that I've found very beneficial is group therapy. Having input from a group of your peers can really give you insights into your life that a one-on-one setting doesn't offer. If your boyfriend would like to talk to me about this I'd be glad to send you my e-mail address so I can talk to him more in detail.

Two years is a long time to invest in a relationship and it sounds like there's a lot of love there. The fact that you're reaching out like this is really wonderful on your part. I hope that things work out for the best for both of you, and remember to take care of yourself too.

Best wishes,
bptoo

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

[Joanne6]

I'm not exactly sure how to bring it up. We have talked about it only in passing and the subject just gets dropped. I really believe that if he got the help he needed, it would help us tremendously. I don't want to sound pushy or make him think I am pressuring him about it. Does anyone have any ideas on how I could do this?