[Blueskies81]

Here is a confusing situation i am trying to cope with. Towards the end of last year after coming out of a comitted relationship with an Aspie for over 3 years. I remained single for 7 months and started to do things on my own again. Through that time i did try meeting and dating people from online. Or from restaurants, etc.. But there was an event for New Years including a 1930's feel with live big band music, Ball drop, Bar, 100% 1930's experience in an old ballroom built during that time. I dont know how to dance. So i started taking Ballroom dance lessons to meet hopefully a partner and learn how to dance.

During this time my instructor who is 29 attractive and outgoing. She was wearing an engagement ring. I kept to myself and treated her as just another friend and actually was more interested in a seemingly single manager. We got along great and after i found out she was in a commited relationship, i continued to talk to her mostly cause she was nice, had similar interests, and easy to talk to. After seeing that most of the other students were elderly or just were not attractive to me one way or another. I still continued looking other places. Since i am not the bar, club type of person this was difficult.

While our lessons were going on my instructor went from being friendly to after dancing one day. I had mentioned her engagement ring. She kept idle chit chat during the lessons to loosen the tension. But i am more of a give take person and prefer to learn as much about the other person as they learn about me. So i started asking questions. She was hesitant to answer. But over time even though i never learned much about her things changed. She herself is studying to be a mental health counselor. But during our lessons i noticed the ring disappeared. And she mentioned she is single. But studio rules state no relationships either friendly or more allowed, or immediate termination. Not sure how but i kept things friendly instead of pushing romantically.

Since i never got much time to spend with her conversing on a personal level, it seemed easy to keep friendly. With myself having a very emotionally challenging and troubled past. I suppose i intrigued her but i never told too much. During one of our last lessons I gave her a short story of the big things that happened in my life. With instruction that i dont want to talk about it. Most of that stuff was over 5 years ago and my life has moved well beyond that. No sense in bringing up old wounds. I told her because she seemed curious like i had been hurt badly in the past and she saw the transformation. My positive energy and eagerness to learn everything, i think it gave her alot of curiosity. Months after the story i saw her for some free lessons left over. It was clear i was missed, and the conversations became more relationship geared.

She was now very coy and playful beyond what i had seen before. But internally conflicted represented by some often quiet moments where she seemed to internally reflect. I did ask her out and almost instantly got the "cant date students" speech. With a few group lessons free and parties I saw her a few more times and i was done. No more money could be spent on this. My instructor offered a free private lesson which i took. With that lesson i was pushed hard to purchase more lessons and several times during our lesson she had interrupted to use the bathroom. It was clear she was emotional and her face had been washed then toweled dry when she came back. I assumed she was crying. During the sales pitch from the manager she sat beside me with her hand on my knee. Clearly not an easy pitch to say no to.

But i hugged her many last times and said goodbye. She brought up the letter i wrote and complimented me. I told her i had strong feelings for her and maybe its best even if i could continue the lessons that i couldnt continue with her. Or even see her there. If it cant be then I cant torture myself with this. She is studying to be a counselor after all and with the things she has said and things she has done for me during that time being above and beyond whats required. It would be morally wrong for her to do such things if she was just trying to sell service and didnt have feelings for me. One of her last statements was we would have to wait seemingly forever to be together since there is a 1 year continuance of rules even outside of being a student. So one year later friendships and relationships are allowed.

It has been 3 months since i saw or talked to her last and every day that goes on. I miss her deeper and deeper. I have tried dating other people i met online or in person. They never get anywhere. She had mentioned transferance during our lesson thinking maybe since this lesson is providing some emotional support that we are developing feelings for each other this way. This could have been true but after 3 months and several opportunites to develop feeling for someone else. I cant stop thinking about her. I promised during a last visit, i would see her 1 year from our last paid lesson. That should be on my birthday december this year. That is soo long in the future but worth the wait i think.

Please if by some chance she reads this. I will be there in december. For just one more dance to "rock the boat" lol. If that is all i can have. But I miss you very very much.

I know you would want me to continue looking somewhere else and i will try but there clearly is a large part of my heart dedicated to you.

Please everyone else here tell me i am crazy and that i should forget her! The urge to stop by the studio is too great sometimes. And i find myself eating in the same shopping center and across the street thinking its only a short walk to see her. It is one of the closest shopping centers to my house after all. Its not like i am driving out of my way to get there.

Everyones thoughts are appreciated and encouraged. I accept positive and negative comments with just as much grace.

[kaliope]

hi blueskies
i dont see anything wrong with hoping to run into her again. just as long as you do not let her consume you. but it doesnt sound like you are letting her do that. as long as you continue to date others you are being healthy. Welcome to Psych Central. You will get a lot of support here.

[Blueskies81]

If after 3 months of not seeing or hearing of each other. Would it be weird to message her through Facebook to just catch up. And maybe stay in touch as pen pals?

[Travelinglady]

Welcome to Psych Central!

Maybe you could say "Hi" on Facebook and ask how things are going with her or whatever--maybe even asking if it's okay for you to keep in touch. But remember she did tell you you'd need to wait a year for any kind of significant relationship.

She might not even reply. If not, then that will tell you what's happening. But at least you would know.

Please don't put your life on hold, hoping things might work out. As was said, get out and meet other people, lead a social life. I would be surprised if she is not out meeting other folks and having a social life, too. She has made you no promises, remember. Okay?