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#1
Apr 22, 2014, 10:59 PM
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Sometimes I feel like my life would be easier without friends. I could probably do just fine with just my husband. But because there's a little part of me that hopes that one day I'll have good friends, I continue to try and make my friendships work. I have three friends aside from my husband. They all live in different states so I talk to them through text, phone, and Facebook chat. Friend one is a self-admitted narcissist who can't take any criticism and takes things the wrong way so I feel like I'm walking on egg shells around her. Friend two spent all her time with her girlfriend/fiance the past year and left me out of her life for the most part until recently when her fiancé broke up with her and now she's desperately coming to me for support. Then tells me she cannot support me because of what she's going through. Friend three is a good person. But whenever we talk on Facebook (thats all we talk through), she randomly leaves without saying bye. It's frustrating. Is this what having friends is like? Am I supposed to just tolerate this? Would I be a bad person if I said to hell with these friendships? I am so tired of it all that i have deactivated Facebook for now. I'm tired of one-sided conversations.
__________________
 
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 Fuzzybear, healingme4me, LaborIntensive
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#2
Apr 22, 2014, 11:09 PM
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I could have written your post verbatim not too long ago.
No, friends are not supposed to be like this. I like technology, and I am an techie nerd but one of the downsides I have seen with technology is people are using it to avoid real relationships with people. Or they are using it to push some people away they don't want to have a real relationship with, and make time for others. I actually got rid of my account entirely a few months ago and haven't looked back. I considered making a dummy account just to see updates from friends but all I'd end up doing is feeling the same as I did when I had fb-- the frustration from people not wanting to properly communicate with me, their rude behavior, their detachment, etc. Like you, I sometimes wonder if my husband is just good enough for friends. He and I are thinking about starting a family in the next year and I don't know if I really care for friends when I have children. I wouldn't tolerate it, and I don't tolerate it. One-sided friendships and conversations are emotionally draining, unfair, and make you feel frustrated. Then in the end, YOU are the one who looks like the bad guy. It got to the point where I emailed a bunch of people whose company I did enjoy and who I enjoyed talking to and said they can always email me or call so we can communicate and hang out. Not a single person has followed through. Not that I'm surprised. If I were to have complained, I would have been told that I needed to get back onto fb and text because that's somehow called "reaching out"?? What happened to having face-to-face relationships? Then when I finally had it, I drew some hard boundaries down. |
| Fuzzybear
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#3
Apr 23, 2014, 05:57 AM
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I've never had a Facebook or other social media account for reasons like you are describing. I have a few good friends that I actually spend "real" time with. I have never understood how social media could replace real people contact. I hope you can find some face-to-face friendships - co-workers to eat lunch with, neighbors, social groups ... these are all places to find people to connect with. It is so worth the effort if you can connect with some healthy people.
Best wishes - you have taken a brave step. |
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#4
Apr 23, 2014, 05:58 AM
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I don't maintain friendships or even too much family updating via fb. I find, that it leaves for a broad assumption that people have either read or you have read, updates, etc. When, the reality is things get missed. I've learned it is no way to try and group my life to many. Personal emails, texts, phone calls, and in person are the only ways, I truly go, at this stage in my life.
What you've described, however, seems to transcend the whole social media thing. Cannot have fair weather friends, no matter what the medium of communication is. That sounds like the first two. Third fb friend, I wouldn't just hang up a phone, randomly, kwim?(know what I mean?) That's how that sounds. 
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#5
Apr 23, 2014, 06:01 AM
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A one-sided friendship doesn't deserve to be labelled friendship at all.
I have FB, but its for people I don't or can't see regularly, if at all. The people I hang out with face to face, I don't interact with on FB... I hope you make better (real) friends soon, you deserve better than what you're tolerating now.
__________________
 DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD  "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB...
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#6
Apr 23, 2014, 05:50 PM
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FB makes me depressed! I hardly use it anymore. I'm sorry your three friends are the way that they are. True friends are supposed to be loving and supportive.
Cj 
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#7
Apr 23, 2014, 05:52 PM
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Quote:
the face of FaceBook is changing...and it looks darker than it has been. Don't think about it... and you soon won't miss it I'll bet.
__________________
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#8
Apr 23, 2014, 06:11 PM
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__________________
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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