midlife crisis, brain fog

Hi there,
I am confused, don't know what to do like many who post here!

Been receiving mixed messages re: my spouse. This was about 6 weeks ago. I feel so confused, anxious, betrayed, hurt, sad & currently really NUMB - can't seem to focus. 15th anniversary in a few days. Spouse clearly no longer interested.

It happened overnight! Spouse was talking about the caring things i do for him relative to the wife of one of his buddies.
He went out to nighclub with cousin & returned w/ a mid life crisis for a souvenir, and all that was good about me simply evaporated! Poof - I was in shock I believe ...

Was blamed for how his life turned out. Contempt & subtle insults followed. I pulled away, gave space which yielded some civility because I am trying to make it work.

First of all, I very rarely do things in haste esp. when there is emotion involved (too often the baby gets thrown out w/bathwater). However, my ONE primary reason right now is my 9 child (who has been through a few upsetting events/major changes every 3 yrs or so in their 9 years of life and does not want me to leave him). I made a joke with the child just to observe response.

Just as I was trying to create stability for child - this popped up on the map from nowhere.
I mentioned that he was emotionally distant but responded better to space, treating me a bit better. I am adopting a wait & see approach but in the meantime am struggliing with 'focusing'.

My issue is fear as well. I don't have marketable skills. Am homemaker. His job was a good one but we (job) travelled a lot. I am aslo caring for ill relative who needs help. My child is not emotionally settled as yet as last year's event really impacted on them - th ereason I suspect that my child wants family unit in one piece.

I am older Mum, nervous wreck wondering how to get past this ... men seem to so easily 'dump' their partnes when coonvenient!
Up to last night, he dressed, 'cologned', passed by me, got into his car to party with those 'fine young things' - 1/2 his age.

Does my post make sense? I have read where soem are discouraged from reacting too quickly. I don't know if I am thinking 'straight' ...

Is it possible for you and he to go for some couple or family counselling? 15 years is a long time together. Maybe there are some issues (from his point of view) that he would like to be addressed (but he hasn't found a way to communicate with you?)? Is there something that he wants changed? From your point of view - are there some things that you want changed; and how would you like things to turn out? In your place of residence - is your name on the title? Do you need to speak with a lawyer? If he is leaving, how will you support yourself?

Thank you Rose3 for getting back to me - it means a lot. I know that there are some issues both ways. We had spoken about it sometime before. There are issues I wanted to speak about in counselling. However, he has always been against counselling. I could never figure it out.

The job situation and age is also a current factor (I realize I didn't think of including that when I wrote earlier). I believe that he is still with me because without work, my family has is temp. assisting us in the short - med. term. I realize that this was the reason fo r'good behavious' when he changed, hence the 'mixed feelings'. He has no choice.

I have a bad feeling about this, but am trying to handle it esp. fo rmy child.
Thanks again for taking the time to get back to me! I really appreciate it