[crying_inside]

I am married to a man who just got out on parole. He lives in a halfqway house right now. Since he got out just under a year ago, he has violated twice. Now i was on leave with him and i looked at the history of my phone. He has been accessing pornography. I am so torn between just talking to him or telling his parole officer. It is a stipulation of his parole of no porn. I just thought he was playing a game but he accessed it. I welcome any advice.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by crying_inside

I am married to a man who just got out on parole. He lives in a halfqway house right now. Since he got out just under a year ago, he has violated twice. Now i was on leave with him and i looked at the history of my phone. He has been accessing pornography. I am so torn between just talking to him or telling his parole officer. It is a stipulation of his parole of no porn. I just thought he was playing a game but he accessed it. I welcome any advice.

well you have a tough situation there, if you tell his parole office..he's going back to prison, at least that's how they do it in Ohio. In all likelyhood the
laws are probably similar in your neck of the woods, i have an ex that just went back to prison because of her violation( she has a bad drug problem) maybe 2wks ago, you have a much more difficult situation because this was an ex girlfriend for me, but in your case you are married to this man. I would try to talk to him, but in my experience prison does things to people..they are not the same when they come out, so it may go in one ear and out the other
still, because he is your husband i would at least try to talk to him, really if that is a stipulation no porn, than it should be no porn and he needs to know that! i can tell you it will not be easy..i wish you luck!

[Travelinglady]

Hi, crying inside, and welcome to Psych Central! I am wondering if he somehow got access to such materials while incarcerated and used them as stimulation. After all, he had no access to women. Now he is "addicted."

I don't know, it sounds to me like he wouldn't mind returning into custody. I have heard of folks who get comfortable there and feel uncomfortable when they are released. Just a thought.

I am sad you are going through this, since obviously you stuck by him and looked forward to his getting out and being with you again.

He will need to agree to change his ways--and as was said, that won't be easy.

[healingme4me]

Tell the officer

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[justbeingme80]

If he was in prison for something involving sex or pornograhpy, that makes a difference.

[crying_inside]

We had a fight. Which after a nasty fight I tend to turn my phone off so if he calls I wont say anything hurtful until i cool off. I finally turned it back on and found a voicemail from him saying nastily that he was calling to apologize but since i turned my phone off he wont apologize. He just said to file papers and we are done. I never even had the chance to approach the subject above to him. I am now crying inside and out. It is what i knew was impending, but why does it still hurt. I dont know if he was serious or if he was just saying it in the heat of anger. But i could use some words of help right now....

[thinker00005]

I would just try and relax and step back. If that is possible. Just let things cool down a bit. Try to find things to do that make you happy. Just give it a few days to blow over than try talking to him again as a friend just to see what he has to say.