[InOurStars]

Recently found out a family member, of high school age, was abused by another family member when she was around 6-8 years old. She is going to come stay with me for a few months, however this is not a result of the recent discovery of abuse. I tried in the past to see if she could come stay for a while, even go to school with me but things never paned out.

I put the offer out there again and amazingly things are working out this time. She has not received any counseling and the important people in her life are dragging their feet about it. Her attitude (the teen, we can call her Cappa) has improved since disclosing the information. But her parents are not completely in the know, I am aware that she had quite a break down and was feeling "tire, helpless, ready to end it all". Her attitude in the past has been hot/cold, out burst with her teachers, cursing, flashing out on family members, irrational anger, cutting, pulling out her own hair, etc.

Regardless to Cappa's attitude change I know she still needs help NOW. While she is here I will see about getting her counseling. There is a local place that I heard about from the radio. I just have to start there. Ideally I would like for her to start some therapy here. Child Protective Services have been contacted and they may or may not intervene at her home before she gets to me. My main goal is to make sure she knows I love her, care for her, to get her talking to a therapist, to provide for her a calm, supportive and safe environment.

I am related to the person who abused her. Specific things that happen to her did not happen to me with this family member, but I can relate to some abuse. I want to talk to her and help her express herself. I have been doing some research but I could really use all the help and tips I can get.

I plan on purchasing either
The PTSD Workbook for Teens: Simple, Effective Skills for Healing Trauma and/or
It Happened to Me: A Teen's Guide to Overcoming Sexual Abuse Workbook (sorry I cannot add links to my post yet) ... or anything anyone can suggest?? I thought I could talk with her a little first until she was comfortable before I introduced any workbook.

Anyone out there interested in giving advice on what not to do? What to do? If you can relate to her; abused young - difficult teen years - lack of home support, what would you have wanted from someone who opened their home to you? How can I help this child?

[hvert]

It's really nice of you to take this girl in and try to help her overcome some of her problems. I bet the counseling service you heard about on the radio or a sexual assault hotline would have some great ideas about how you could best help her with these issues.

Does she know that you know? Has she talked about this with you herself? If I were an abused teenager moving in with someone, I would not want to feel like they were prying or confronting me about abuse that I might not want to talk about. I would be happy to be in a supportive, stable environment where I could access help if I wanted it.

[InOurStars]

Originally Posted by hvert

It's really nice of you to take this girl in and try to help her overcome some of her problems. I bet the counseling service you heard about on the radio or a sexual assault hotline would have some great ideas about how you could best help her with these issues.

Does she know that you know? Has she talked about this with you herself? If I were an abused teenager moving in with someone, I would not want to feel like they were prying or confronting me about abuse that I might not want to talk about. I would be happy to be in a supportive, stable environment where I could access help if I wanted it.

Hello hvert, she has not spoken with me personal about the abuse. I'm sure she has a small inkling that I know. I want to tell her I know, but I don't want to *blurt* it out either for the sole reason of not wanting to make her feel like I just want to pry into her thoughts and dig out information. I'm trying to pace things. At this time I'm focusing on getting to know her better and learning about her goals.

I appreciate you mentioning the "prying and confronting" because it's good for me to hear that. I had it in mind but you helped me to put a higher importance. Thank you

[InOurStars]

Update: I've been texting and having some short phone calls with Cappa. She is responsive but not the kind of person who gives much. She is genuinely excited about moving in for a while. I got to ask her some basic questions to find out about her. I find that I am looking forward to her coming as well. I'm taking things slow with no mention of the abuse. I am giving her encouraging words and being directly loving; ie "you are very important to me and I love you for you".

I did purchase -It Happened to Me: A Teen's Guide to Overcoming Sexual Abuse Workbook. I read several reviews from different sites and decided this one is the one. Pending therapy goes well (happens), and PTSD comes into the picture then I will happily purchase that workbook for her.

Teens are an interesting breed that's for sure.

[Dionysius]

I really hope that you can help her. She may secretly want to talk to you about it, (it would really help her to "off-load") but as you say "tread carefully".
I know of a couple of cases of abuse, one was resolved happily, the other not so. She will really have to trust you(I think). Good luck to you both, hope it works out, Dionysius.

[monkeybrains21]

just always let her know u are there for her and she can come to u. be her safe place. in time she will open up.