[ladybugparkway]

Hi there

I am an older more mature female. I need a closeness with my significant other which I just can't get from him. He tends to want to make all the decisions from purchasing a simple lamp to the date & everything's bout contacting the minister to marry us which is 2 weeks away and hasn't been done.

When I make casual comments regarding stopping at a consignment store to look at furniture items for the home we just purchased, his comment today while driving was......we don't need any. But 400 feet down the toad he decides to stope at a day old bakery and just pulls in.

This is a daily routine with degrading comments such as: I should have stayed on the road traveling for work.

It hurts me as I am only there for 'something'. I don't feel important anymore before we became engaged.

I don't want to hurt his feelings but I feel as if I really don't want to marry him.

We don't laugh. He drives me everywhere which is nice but I never have any time for me except when he travels. I must be honest in saying I am happier when he is traveling.

I believe he means well. I notice he is quick to anger. I don't know if it is because he takes so many pain pills for a disease call angelosis spondylitis.

I don't believe we have a good relationship at all to even consider marriage.

I just don't know what to do financially, spiritually & more. He tells me if I go to our church for counseling he will leave the church.

Thanks for any help you can point me towards.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, ladybugparkway, and welcome to Psych Central! I have to say, from what you have said, that this guy doesn't seem to be the one to spend the rest of your life with. That's better to find out now than after the rings are exchanged. I am especially concerned about what he said about counseling.

That's my opinion, anyway. I hope things will work out for the best one way or the other.

[Trippin2.0]

Does your church offer pre-marital counseling? If it does I would contact the minister and enquire about it, why???

Well hopefully it will make you BOTH see that you should not be getting married.

Failing that, I would call it off, asap...
If I were you, I would listen to my instinct and not go through with it. Ramifications of no wedding are less complex than the ramifications of a failed marriage...

I hope you find your way out of this dillemma soon.

[soccerdad]

I would call it off before you take that step. Many people wish they would have had the clarity to see someone was not the one for them before they got married. Marrying someone should be contingent on them making you happy. If the only time you are happy is when he is not around then I think you have your answer.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by ladybugparkway

Hi there

I am an older more mature female. I need a closeness with my significant other which I just can't get from him. He tends to want to make all the decisions from purchasing a simple lamp to the date & everything's bout contacting the minister to marry us which is 2 weeks away and hasn't been done.

When I make casual comments regarding stopping at a consignment store to look at furniture items for the home we just purchased, his comment today while driving was......we don't need any. But 400 feet down the toad he decides to stope at a day old bakery and just pulls in.

This is a daily routine with degrading comments such as: I should have stayed on the road traveling for work.

It hurts me as I am only there for 'something'. I don't feel important anymore before we became engaged.

I don't want to hurt his feelings but I feel as if I really don't want to marry him.

We don't laugh. He drives me everywhere which is nice but I never have any time for me except when he travels. I must be honest in saying I am happier when he is traveling.

I believe he means well. I notice he is quick to anger. I don't know if it is because he takes so many pain pills for a disease call angelosis spondylitis.

I don't believe we have a good relationship at all to even consider marriage.

I just don't know what to do financially, spiritually & more. He tells me if I go to our church for counseling he will leave the church.

Thanks for any help you can point me towards.

i see red flag after red flag...you are having many problems already.
these problems will only multiply if you tie the knot.

are you willing to put up with this type of behavior for the rest of your life?
i imagine not....he is inconsiderate of your feelings and is minimizing you.
you do not deserve to be treated in this fashion..no one does.

if the disease is the same as spondylolysis ( one of my ex's had it..well she still does she ended up getting a spinal fusion) or similar he will be in excruciating pain & she was not pleasant to be around she was angry and drank all the time.

she used to be really mean to me but i stayed by her side till the surgery..i don't know if this is similar but it sounds similar, she told me before the surgery nothing would help the pain.

not making excuses for him..but i would hold off on the wedding until these issues were resolved, it looks like if you dive in now..you are really going to be sorry..hope this helps

[Rose3]

If counselling at your church is not comfortable for you and he, then perhaps there is another counselling service somewhere else? Perhaps delay marriage until your concerns are worked out.

[healingme4me]

A tangled Web to be spun, marrying when there's an ounce of doubt.

Your happiness needs to be his priority.

It's a relationship, not dictatorship, where you are the exploited conquest. Your health, physical, emotional, spiritual are in grave danger.

Postpone it, at least, until you are certain this is what you want. Why settle for less than you deserve?



Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[jeando]

Drop him like a hot rock!!!

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by ladybugparkway

I feel as if I really don't want to marry him . . . . . . I must be honest in saying I am happier when he is traveling. . . . . . I don't believe we have a good relationship at all to even consider marriage.

You do not have to marry this man. It doesn't matter how much you and he have planned on getting married, or how soon the marriage is scheduled to happen. It would be extremely foolish to marry someone because you do not want to hurt this person's feelings.

If you want counseling, you have a right to get it. Your boyfriend does not necessarily even have to know about it. Quite honestly, it really does sound like you already know what to do. Listen to your own mind and judgement. It doesn't sound to me like you are confused. You mention financial issues. If you are financially dependent on this man in some way, then that might be the source of you feeling like you are in a dilemma. There is surely a better solution to whatever your problems are than entering into a marriage that you do not really want. I hope you figure out an alternative.