I've had feelings for this friend of mine for about a year, and they've grown a lot since then. We gave a relationship a shot. However, I screwed it up in the course of three days, and now the chance is pretty much impossible. We're still friends, though.

Being so attached to him is too draining, so I want it gone. I have next to no experience with relationships, despite being 25. And if you have any advice on how to prevent romantic feelings from surfacing, then I'd like to know that, too. I know we're all human and can't control our emotions 100 percent, but there must be something out there that can snuff it out before it gets too strong.

[Maria116]

1. No contact.
2. Time (no specific timeframe).

No other cure, unfortunately.

No contact isn't an option. I did that once to him and he was very hurt by it. I won't put him through that again, even at the cost of my own well being. Period.

[Maria116]

Originally Posted by Lone Soldier

No contact isn't an option. I did that once to him and he was very hurt by it. I won't put him through that again, even at the cost of my own well being.

It's your choice. At least you realize it.

I'm not taking your simplistic and black/white advice as the only solution to this problem. There is a way to make both of us feel okay in the end. So if you aren't going to help me find it, then don't talk to me about this. I won't be held back by someone like you.

[Maria116]

Okay I won't talk to you. Men usually look out for themselves first. I'm sure he would if the tables were turned.

[soccerdad]

Well your choice is simple then. Remain in contact with him and extend the hurt or minimize contact and try to heal. If there is no chance of getting back together then really those are your 2 options. Either way you're probably gonna hurt for a while.

I'm a man, too, you know. We both like men, so don't talk down to me. You can take your jaded view of the male population to your death if you wish, it doesn't matter to me. But you haven't met him or know anything about him. Don't talk about him like he's stereotypically fit a certain way.

*sigh* This was a worthless endeavor. If moderators check threads out, then can someone lock or delete this so I don't have to deal with stupid advice?

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by Lone Soldier

I've had feelings for this friend of mine for about a year, and they've grown a lot since then. We gave a relationship a shot. However, I screwed it up in the course of three days, and now the chance is pretty much impossible. We're still friends, though.

Being so attached to him is too draining, so I want it gone. I have next to no experience with relationships, despite being 25. And if you have any advice on how to prevent romantic feelings from surfacing, then I'd like to know that, too. I know we're all human and can't control our emotions 100 percent, but there must be something out there that can snuff it out before it gets too strong.

in this case as in any it can be very difficult to remain friends with ex lovers,
very difficult waters to navigate indeed. yet you are only 25 so you are going to again at some point want another relationship. as far as your current situation,
one thing that will help ease the paint is to start seeing other people, even if you have to still be in contact with your ex..the excitement of something new more than overcomes the heartache of a failed relationship.the sooner you see others the sooner the pain will evaporate!

since it was only a 3 day thing, the healing will be quick, now from time to time if you still need to be around your ex those feelings may pop up again and this is normal and to be expected(don't beat yourself up..happens to the best of us!) it important to do your best to control them so you don't hurt yourself anymore.

if it was a mutually agreed break up then friendship is still possible,
i have successfully navigated those waters before but it was a mutually agreed break up( things just weren't working out!)

hope everything works out for you & hope this helps good luck!

[Maria116]

Originally Posted by Lone Soldier

*sigh* This was a worthless endeavor. If moderators check threads out, then can someone lock or delete this so I don't have to deal with stupid advice?

The advice is stupid because it's not what you hoped to get? Doesn't sound like famed male logic to me.

Originally Posted by trying2survive

in this case as in any it can be very difficult to remain friends with ex lovers,
very difficult waters to navigate indeed. yet you are only 25 so you are going to again at some point want another relationship. as far as your current situation,
one thing that will help ease the paint is to start seeing other people, even if you have to still be in contact with your ex..the excitement of something new more than overcomes the heartache of a failed relationship.the sooner you see others the sooner the pain will evaporate!

since it was only a 3 day thing, the healing will be quick, now from time to time if you still need to be around your ex those feelings may pop up again and this is normal and to be expected(don't beat yourself up..happens to the best of us!) it important to do your best to control them so you don't hurt yourself anymore.

if it was a mutually agreed break up then friendship is still possible,
i have successfully navigated those waters before but it was a mutually agreed break up( things just weren't working out!)

hope everything works out for you & hope this helps good luck!

It wasn't mutual at all. He broke it off because of my idiocy. All I'm doing is pretending it doesn't hurt while I'm around him. I even made up some lies to throw him off. Plus I'm used to acting normal, so I can mask it well.

Although I am young, I don't care. Love and relationships are officially off limits to me for the rest of my life. This is a conscious decision I have made, and I will stick to it no matter what doubts or second thoughts I have. I can't rely on anyone but myself. Every life experience I've had has reinforced that. I don't need anyone in my life to love me or I to love them. Happiness can be found in many ways without people mucking up my life.

Besides, I'm a tried and true loser on this planet. No one should have to put up with me and my stupidity. I am worthless, a pile of sputum and bile on this world. People are better off without me burdening their lives.

[GalacticaActual]

Originally Posted by Lone Soldier

No contact isn't an option. I did that once to him and he was very hurt by it. I won't put him through that again, even at the cost of my own well being. Period.

He will be more hurt in the long run if you keep the wound open by talking to him.

In my experience keeping in contact is only going to prolong the pain for you both.

You say you can hide the hurt. You've been doing it so long you're a pro.

Me too.

I was wrong.

If you are hurting there is every chance that you're going to take that hurt out on the one that caused it. Even if their hurting you wasn't deliberate.

Remaining friends is also dangerous in it's ability to keep hope alive.

If either of you hold any hope of a relationship this will only end in tears for someone.

He didn't cause the pain. It's because of me and how stupid I am. The only one I'll take it out on is me, so if it in ends tears for someone...I'll volunteer. At least one of us can be okay, then. I deserve this pain.