[PeachCream22]

Hey ya'll.

This is just a post about romantic feelings/crushes for people who may sometimes be considered inappropriate for you. Someone way younger, or older, your teacher, or your student, or even your own relative.l ( haha what am I saying). Does anyone experience these kind of feelings? How do you deal with it?

This post isn't meant to be judgmental or critical for those involved. I just wanna know if this is normal, and if it happens all the time, and how do you react if you are in this situation. That's all. This post is just purely for your interesting insights and opinions about it. If you think there's nothing or something wrong, feel free to say it and state your reasons. I'd love to know what you think.

Thanks for reading.

[Maria116]

It's heartache, pure and simple. It's one thing if the person is oblivious and you choose not to make your feelings known. But if they know, and even feel the same for you, but decide not to become involved for some external reasons - it's horrible and may mean years of suffering.

It's one of the worst feelings in the world…even worse when someone you have an inappropriate crush on (and you are keeping those feelings to yourself as much as you can) brings up your crush and despite not returning those feelings at all, begins to use your feelings against you. As in, using your feelings to get favors or just bask in the glory of having your adoration for them and then at the end of the day that they never wanted to be with you in the first place.

Hell, ALL crushes are like this! This is why I don't share my feelings anymore, but people just bring it up anyway in order to use it against me.

And of course, I now have yet another inappropriate crush on yet another professor (the former crush I mentioned, wasn't a professor but I've had too many crushes on professors) and I can't help but think that if people my age who were available/single would give me a real chance, then maybe I wouldn't constantly have inappropriate crushes. It's hard not to ever have a crush on anyone...

[UndeadMage]

Wow, you two nailed it. I got nothing to add.

My father had two cousins who wound up getting married in their early 50's. They both had previous marriages they'd left behind (or had been widowed from, as was the case in one of the marriages), and both had adult children who were out on their own.

When their relationship first became public they faced a lot (and I mean a lot) of judgmental opinions not just from the rest of the family, but also from their friends. They received angry phone calls, were the subject of mockery, shunned or criticized at family get togethers, and finally were essentially cast out of the family when they announced they were getting married. I don't think anyone from my father's family went to their wedding. Even some of the children from the previous marriages pushed away over it.

It's been a few years since all that took place, and the two of them are still together. From what I last heard they seemed happier than they had been in their previous marriages, and all but one of the children who had cut them off had repaired their relationship with them.

My point in bringing up their story is illustrate that while romantic feelings of those type may be considered to be inappropriate by many people, doesn't necessarily mean that it can never work. Obviously there are some boundaries that people do need to observe - specifically legal or ethical ones. But if the only obstacle is fear of judgement from others, like growing up in a racist family and winding up falling for someone of a different ethnicity, or like the story I mentioned above, than I don't think those feelings need to be dealt with any differently than "appropriate" feelings.

I personally don't find interracial relationships or even the relationship between two cousins to be necessarily inappropriate…I'm referring more to having feelings for professors, for people who are still attached to someone (even if they're not officially in any kind of relationship with them at the moment), for people who don't return your feelings.

So pretty much everybody I guess. I've always felt personally that it's wrong (for me at least) to have feelings for anybody. I try so hard to hide them; it's bad when the other person finds out. It hurts them and it hurts me.

[rolan86]

I have a gigantic crush on my professor. Thinking of her fills me with delight, and I plan to ask her out for coffee once grades are in. I just graduated so I think I'll take the shot. Of course I wouldn't want to make her risk her job or anything, so I will be no means try to persuade her, but I think I will at least tell her I would like to keep in touch. Yes, I am head over heals for my professor, and would die and go to heaven if she said she wanted to hang out ever. of course it is all realistic though.

[nicoleflynn]

Feelings aren't right or wrong (or inappropriate), they simply....are.

Isn't just thinking feelings simply "are", pretty irresponsible? Having these feelings hurts you and others beyond repair.

[pfeffa]

This thread may have been just what i needed to read this morning. I can relate to the "inappropriate relationship" theme in a number of ways -- being attracted to unattainable men, getting stuck in relationships that are not right for me. I fixate on relationships in general when I like someone and I feel that the feeling might not be reciprocated.

The worst though is now that I am finally in a stable relationship, I should be contented, but I continue to fixate on a (married) man who had, in the past, been flirtatious with me. I was unable to process what was going on at the time, and worked to turn that flirtation into a friendship. That might have worked if I was any good at maintaining casual relationships.

I see this man every day at work. He is friendly and is always willing and receptive to having a conversation, but I feel ashamed and angry that I actually put work into being his friend, while he is just on the receiving end. I stop by his office or text occasionally -- this is not reciprocated. I want to just stop without getting upset at him while doing so, but haven't been able to. It is so much easier to keep the friendly vibe going externally and sublimate (and chastise myself for) my discontent. It sucks.