[hotchicken]

I feel like a serial mistress. Friday night I went out with a married guy, then we got into his car. He does things no other man has but I know he is not telling me the truth about himself.

So last night I met the other guy I have been talking with for over a year an a half. We met in a secluded spot and got in my car.

I did not have actual sex this weekend with either of them. I feel horrible right now. The second guy I kind of like but the first one is just turning me off even though I know how good hotel visits would be with him.

When I search for single men I feel even worse. I can't deal with this anymore. I know I have really low self esteem. I hate my life, family, work, etc.

I cried in the car on the way home from meeting the second guy last night. I had a feeling that it was over. I have no one to count on in my life, no support, kids that hate me. evil relatives. friends that lie all the time. I just want to die.

[trying2survive]

Originally Posted by hotchicken

I feel like a serial mistress. Friday night I went out with a married guy, then we got into his car. He does things no other man has but I know he is not telling me the truth about himself.

So last night I met the other guy I have been talking with for over a year an a half. We met in a secluded spot and got in my car.

I did not have actual sex this weekend with either of them. I feel horrible right now. The second guy I kind of like but the first one is just turning me off even though I know how good hotel visits would be with him.

When I search for single men I feel even worse. I can't deal with this anymore. I know I have really low self esteem. I hate my life, family, work, etc.

I cried in the car on the way home from meeting the second guy last night. I had a feeling that it was over. I have no one to count on in my life, no support, kids that hate me. evil relatives. friends that lie all the time. I just want to die.

first off, try to stop beating yourself up..whatever you did last weekend is over..if you have a T you are going to want to explain about this weekend.
calmly as possible..i'm sure you are quite upset,i it sounds like you are lonely and are "acting out" for attention, any attention whether married man or not.

the meeting with married men may be a type of "thrill" for you during the chase but afterward you feel terrible, it's ok..one day a life does not make.
ask yourself..what is it you see or seek in these men..is it wanting something you know you can never truly have? is it a conquest for you to be with another woman's man making you feel wanted & special? is it wanting attention from anyone because you are lonely? are you truly attracted to them or are you just wanting them to be with you so you are not alone?why are you guys meeting in a car and not your home or a hotel?these are questions i would ask myself

if you don't have a T i would make that a priority..you need someone you can turn to about everything, right now it appears you have no one to confide in.
i can't wait to get in to talk to my T this thursday ( i go every week) there is always something going on in my life so there is never a dull moment. we all struggle with low self esteem at times but it can be overcome..with practice and positive reinforcement.

don't give up, if you have a T it is important to get in to see your T like NOW!
if you don't have one YOU NEED ONE NOW! i understand how you feel...you are at that breaking point..i can feel the pain in your words..you owe it to yourself to get someone you can count on every week

GO FOR IT! good luck & i hope things get better for you!!

[healingme4me]

I agree about finding a good T. Maybe, the living with your parents, limits your opportunities to find that supportive partner that you crave and deserve.

Sound like leading a double life, no wonder you've been crying

[NWgirl2013]

You will continue to have no one to count on in your life if you continue with the married men scenario. They are not there to be counted on by you, but to find a thrill outside the place they really are committed. At least more than they are to you.

Please find a T. That can be a place you can start building some trust skills & start to see you are Worth The Effort it will take. You don't have to be an accessory in someone else's life. You can have the life you want to live.

All the best to you as you go forward on this.