[depressedgirl]

Hi,
I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over 4 months now,and he told me he loves me.I told him I love him too.A few minutes later,he said that he wants me to have sex with him to prove that I love him.I don't know what to do,cause I love him,but,I just can't do that right now with all the things that are going on in my life.The main reason I don't want to is,last year,when I went out with my ex-boyfriend,he said he wanted me to prove my love,so,I had sex with him.After that,nothing was the same between us,and it ended up with him just wating to have sex all the time.Eventually,we broke up.I just don't want that to happen to me again.I don't know if I should go ahead and do it,and see what happens,or say no and take the chance of losing the only person who loves me and cares about me.Hes usually really sweet and understanding when I don't want to do it,but,I guess he just got tired of waiting.What should I do?

[tiodlliwi]

I would also question anyone who would say "prove your love by having sex with me". I feel for you. For some reason, I spent most of my teenage and young adult life trying to gain love and respect from friends who were male and boyfriends through sex or by acting sexy. It is tough because you honestly believe that it will make you feel better- as you know from your last experience, those situation almost always ends up making you feel worse. Decide what is right for you- although it sounds like you already know- you said you just CAN'T because of everything that's going on with you. I'd say, there's your answer.

[nothemama8]

anyone that thinks sex is the main part of love is trying to con you into release for him only, tell him if he really loves you he wouldn't ask that of you,

[LMo]

Nothemama is, as always, 110% spot-on...

His behavior seems incredibly manipulative and self-centered to me. I'd run, not walk.

let me hold the door open for you.................run like the wind!!!!

[depressedgirl]

I broke up with him cause he started hitting me.I met this other guy,his name is Mike and hes 16.He treats me better than Koty ever did.He tells me he loves me everytime we talk and he calls me everyday and he's cute,funny,smart,caring,and sensitive.But,there's one problem.He just got put in juvinile hall today because this guy started a fight with him and he hurt the other guy pretty bad.He broke the guys nose,arm,and he brised him a little bit and the other guys parents charged him for it.I just don't get y they charged him for it,when the other guy is the one that started it.Another thing I don't understand is,this fight was about 5 months ago,and Mike already went to Juvie for 4 1/2 months for it.He just got out last week,but they're charging him for it again,Can they charge and put somebody in jail for the same thing twice?Ive always heard they couldn't do that,but they're doing it to him.It seems like everyone is trying to come between me and Mike.His mom doesn't want us together cause she thinks im too young for him,but it doesn't matter to us.I knew the first time I saw him,I was in love,and so did he.A few of his friends don't want us to be together either.My brother doesn't want us together because,him and my brother used to be friends.That's how I met him was from my brother.I've known him for almost 2 years now.Me and Mike love each other,but,ther are all these things trying to come between us (like,him go to Juvie a second time for the same thing).I haven't been able to sleep since I found out he was getting locked up.All ive been wanting to do is cry.I dont feel like eating,I can't sleep and my life has been a nightmare since he went to juvie.He called me at 7:00 my time (8:00 his time,cause he lives in Florida now)and asked me if I would wait on him and not forget about him while he was gone.I told him I would always love him and care about him and that I would miss him while he was gone.He said the same thing.He also told me that if Koty ever tried to hurt me again,he was gonna hunt him down and kill him.Im so glad i've finally found someone who loves me,and doesn't just think about sex all the time.He loves me for me,and im really gonna miss him while he's gone.

how old are you?

i've worked in teen detention centers and there is always a reason for someone to be put there. you may not have the whole story. be very careful with Mike. i'm concerned about the level of violence that he has exhibited in the past.

take this time, while he's gone, and concentrate upon your school work and friends. and talk to us........pat

[depressedgirl]

I know Mike pretty well,but,we started going back out a few weeks ago.We were going out before,last year sometime.He is in juvie because this guy came up behind him and atarted cussing at him and hitting him,cause the guy said that Mike started a rumor about him,but,he didnt cause he doesnt even know the guy.I think the reason why he thinks he has to defend hisself is cause,his dad used to beat him and he feels like if someone tries to hurt him,he has tp hurt them before they hurt him.

did the other guy end up in juvie?

[depressedgirl]

No he didnt end up in juvie.Mike is going to court again at the end of this month,and his lawyer said,there's a really good chance he will get out at the end of this month,for 2 reasons.1)He didnt start the fight,the other guy did,and 2)He went to juvie already for the same thing hes in there for now.So,he'll probably be gettin out.I talked to Mike today and he is really scared because,he said the day he got sent there,this other guy who was in there,killed this other guy by cutting his throat open witha knife,and hes afraid someone is gonna kill him.Im scared for him too,cause I don't want nothing to happen to him,because he's the only one who's ever treated me nicely and that loves me,and Ive never felt like this about anybody else before.

i know you're in love but i would be very careful dating someone with Mike's history. remember, i've worked in detention centers and those kids aren't in there for nothing. the other kid didn't get juvie because he didn't do as much as Mike did. be sure you're hearing the true story and not just what Mike wants you to hear.

how do you parents feel about him? really, have you all sat down and talked about your dating him? being in love or being in love with love are two different things and you're pretty young. i'm very concerned about your relationship with this young boy.

[depressedgirl]

The other guy hurt him pretty bad too.He got a broken arm a black eye and a couple of bruised ribs.I saw him after the fight happened last year.I asked my dad and he said he didnt mind me and Mike dating just as long as we dont do anything were not supposed to.And im not in love with love.Im in love with Mike,noone else.Why r u saying that hes dangerous when hes not?U dont have to be old to be in love.

"and he hurt the other guy pretty bad.He broke the guys nose,arm,and he brised him a little bit"

i'm trying to help you see where this could be headed. if it doesn't bother you that he broke this kid's nose and arm, then i'm going to bow out of this discussion.......good luck......pat

[Blackd0g]

Hi Deppressedgirl.

You sound very young. Maybee 15 to 17 years old?
Anyway, I think you should(for your long term health) take a break from guys. At your age(I've been there too) you should have a freedom to explorer relationships without this kind of drama.

I'm a guy( I know we are hard work sometimes), but try and stick to supportive female company for a while. Don't end up pregnant to a guy who is wrong for you.

Sex can be a wonderful thing, but the way you descibe it sounds horrible. Be yourself, there is no hurry to grow up.

Just take a break from all this pressure. You will meet someone who deserves it later when you least expect and you are ready.

Steve

[depressedgirl]

I broke up with the guy that kept on asking me for sex.And he he ennded up hitting me.But,anyway,my new boyfriend treats me better than anyone else has ever treated me.He calls me,(when he can now since he's in juvie),he says he loves me and means it.He doesn't ask me to prove my love by having sex,and he just is a good guy and he treats me really good and i don't want to lose him,cause there are very few good guys out there.(Not that im saying ur a bad guy or anything,but u get what im sayin).

[depressedgirl]

It doesnt really bother me that he hurt the other guy,because he was just trying to defend himself.The other guy is the one who came up behind him and started hitting him.Therefor the other guy should be in juvie,not Mike.