[sophiej14]

im about to be introduced to the children (3 all teen). Im not too sure how to handle it.

Looking for some advice form people with experience? or maybe you were the child meeting dads new girlfriend.

I feel like im about to be thrown to the lions here

First thing to do, is get rid of your pre-conceived notions that you're being thrown to "lions" which seems to me that you're assuming the kids will be terrible to you or hate you right off the bat. You can't know that at all.

As for what to do, kids are kids, they will treat you with respect as long as you show them some first. I could write a long description of waht to do in your situation and I'm not saying i'd be right about it all but it's such a complex situation you're getting into, there are far too many factors involved.

Depends on the kids, the relationship with the dad, and so many other factors. There is no easy answer here really.

[Mike_J]

Well I'm figuring out how to introduce my daughter (a teenager) to my girlfriend.

I'm trying to not repeat the bad experiences that I had with my parents dating.

Have you asked your boyfriend if his kids are ready to meet you?

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by sophiej14

im about to be introduced to the children (3 all teen). Im not too sure how to handle it.

Looking for some advice form people with experience? or maybe you were the child meeting dads new girlfriend.

I feel like im about to be thrown to the lions here

Having been a kid meeting 'moms new bf' I'll just say this: Don't show fear lol

No, seriously....just treat them as you would kids...respect is fine, but on the first meeting, mostly we're curious. Remember they are kids, so don't try to be their 'pal'. Be sure to treat your bf with respect (because we watch for that...after all, as kids of the dating parent, we're on the look out for people that might hurt that parent) and while I know it's easy to say...just try to relax.

Show interest in each kid as an individual...and mean it. It's really not that difficult and hopefully, your bf has prepared the kids for the first meeting anyway.

Hope this was helpful. Good luck!

[sophiej14]

this is helpful, thanks.

The kids are great, really polite and well mannered. It worries me that they might seem ok on the outside but really, they hate me.

It doesn't seem there are any specific do's and dont's so i think i'll just roll with it and see what happens. Adults can be cool right?

I was also the child in this situation but it didn't go to well. I met dads new GF when i was 6. It was fiery and filled with arguments but i think that was because my mum was still hurting. I don't recall it being a pleasant experience for me so it must have been awful for my dads GF.

[sophiej14]

Originally Posted by Mike_J

Well I'm figuring out how to introduce my daughter (a teenager) to my girlfriend.

I'm trying to not repeat the bad experiences that I had with my parents dating.

Have you asked your boyfriend if his kids are ready to meet you?

I haven't asked, he brought up the issue before i had chance. He's broached the subject with his children recently and up to a couple of days ago they openly told him that they felt it was too soon. But they didn't say that didn't want to meet me at all. I think that's so mature of them to give such an honest answer. kinda takes the end of the nerves to know they are so composed.

In the days past his youngest has seemed more open to meeting me. We even have a date in the diary where dad is taking daughter to an event and im tagging along. He's only dropping her off there so we'll only be in the car together but i think that's a big step. I'm pretty nervous about it.

I also had bad experiences from my own parents. I have lots of 'what not to do' on my list from them. Such as take it slow, first meeting should be a casual bump into in the coffee shop or out shopping or something like that and generally just be cool and relaxed. I'm sure i wont be cool or relaxed :-/

How long has it been since the split from your daughters mum?

[pfeffa]

i remember being in this position a few years ago. my bf's daughter was 14 when i met her. she was nice to me and glad that her dad was happy, but she tested me a lot once i moved in with her dad. because i had a step-dad move in with my family when i was a pre-teen who took over the house, i tried really hard not to do so. i failed though -- i kept cleaning up after her and my bf, and putting things "away" -- a concept that seemed new to the household .

She did not have a good relationship with her mother and probably would have liked if i had been able to fulfill her needs more -- she was attracted to loud confident women, and alas, i am not that. But the upside is that now, years later, we do have a good relationship, although not a close one.

I hope you enjoy the company of your bf's kids. If you can do that, i am sure you can build a good relationship with them. Best of luck!

[brainhi]

I was very lucky and really liked my dad's 2 other wives..right off the bat..but I will tell you this. The stepmoms were very good to me....but my dad treated his new families better than he treated his children...and it was obvious and extremely painful.
He openly showed them affection but he did not do this with me (he was an alcoholic). When I date men with children teen/young children....I let them know that they must take care of their children 1st!!!!! They are the priority - do not force a situation. Good luck...I am so thankful for my stepmoms

[brainhi]

I have to add to this...as thankful as I was to have these ladies in my life...when the marriages did not work out - that was awful as well. I held on to these ladies. I told my dad...just because you do not love them anymore.. I still do and cannot let go...and they did not let go of me. Not trying to scare you... I am being real.