lost and confused

My boyfriend (ex now) is bi polar. We fell in love during a mania and at that moment i believed we would be married before the years end. and then..... denial, psychosis, trip to the hospital turned it all around. Meds helped a bit but our relationship seems to always put him at the edge of some kind of breakdown. He is the most loving, caring, sensitive man and yet when ever there is a breakdown I am to blame... It starts so small and then it becomes so magnified we are both stir crazy, in tears, break up ... then he loves me sooo much. and cycles again. He blames my issues, and my insensitivity to listen to him. We can go on for hours and beat the same subject and not get anywhere.
With in his illness he has grown leaps and bounds. He just landed a good paying job in the mental health industry. Moved out of a group home, just bought a newer car and broke up with me. I feel relief, yet I feel betrayed. I was with him through all the chaos and helped a great deal financially and emotionally. He does not believe I was a help through all of this, perhaps even the cause for the suffering and ultimately the break up. He accused me of being "borderline" so I looked it up. I have experienced in this last year what I think to be anxiety, bouts with depression (or great sadness) He gives me hope , then rips it away from me. He still has not been able to keep simple task promises to me or my daughter. Some say I am better off. He needs his space from me.... I am left lost and confused

My grandmother told me this when I was a child "we always hurt the ones we love the most" I find this has been true in my whole life. I think when you feel secure with another person (family, significant other, children, best friends) we feel we can express our true inner feelings no matter how awful because we know the loved one will still be there after we speak our mind. To be comfortably open and vulnerable to a person is an amazing feeling. Not having the bad or scared thought of losing them to a silly argument or even deep down dark and dirty fights. If you want the relationship to work than you too need to open up and be honest about your pain. Communicate without yelling bc nothing sinks in if you are angry and raise your tone, all that does is keep the crap going and it builds up and up and blows the top. I would also suggest a book for you to read about living with a bipolar loved one. You need to make sure you understand what he is going through and come to him informed and let him know you loved him enough to research his disorder and you are trying to understand things, also tell him you need his understanding as well bc your feelings are just as important in the relationship. Relationships are give and take and there will always be ups and downs. I truly think communication is the key here. More than likely a new job threw him into an episode. Big life changes will do it to me everytime. New job or moving to a new home. losing loved ones abrupt financial crisis are major triggers for me and everytime it happens.

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