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#1
Jun 01, 2014, 04:39 PM
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I don't know if this topic belongs here.... but here we go.
I've been always kind of alienated when it came to social places like kindergarden and school and such... I had always been bullied 'till I was 16 or something... I couldn't fit in due to actual reasons and then... I'm still an outer. I'm 25 now. I feel like I'm forcing myself through life... I have always had low self esteem and I just don't really know how to communicate.. I feel like my inner and outer life are two opposite extremes... and my life is filled with those. I have a rich inner life. I like to read, to understand... but i'm anxious about my undersandings/inelligence even if I'm alone... most of the times it is really hard for me to sit down and study because I have to force myself -even though I know I'll be enjoying it and will most likely learn everything well... but I ruin myself with that constant dealy. and this is even more extreme in communication.... I feel like I'm more introverted and I like my own little world but I do overshare because of my anxiousness... I try to balance it with my knowledge but I usually end up being narrowminded and making forced, unorthodox and incredibly complicated theories about just everything that comes up...people just simply cannot answer me, because they just don't know what to do with it.....in those moments I feel like I have to prove I am smart... when realizing it I usually feel bad about it and feel that it is impossible to know everyhing and I usually make the situation worst by later talking to irrelevant things that I cannot link the source or prove (just read it somewhere randomly)... and this is all so forced and anxious. I think I'm afraid of people... while I like them and I really like to hear different opinions but it is so hard to stop my mind and listen to them - and even if I do listen and agree and all it still seems like I'm not. I am just overcomplicating it.... overthinking almost everything. I hope this will be better if I have something to focus my mental powers to, but I'm still... very... socially awkward. I just want to have fun and enjoy conversations/disputes and the overall set of people.... but because I can't possibly know what will I ***** up next I'm usually just avoiding social situations (like parties and stuff) this led me now to kind of total disconnection from my formal social group... I mostly feel like I just can not act as "me". it is very emberassing.... please talk to me - share your oppinions - 
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#2
Jun 01, 2014, 07:55 PM
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You can overcome your anxiety slowly by talking to people. Saying hi to elderly people help because it's low risk. I hope you overcome your anxiety someday.
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#3
Jun 03, 2014, 09:11 AM
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aw thanks!
it has periods... it's not so bad now... but i finely illustrated the thing with this thread... lol |
 Anonymous37970, Travelinglady
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