Okay so I have this friend at my school that has been pulling away I think and I think may be revealing that she never was a true friend. She constantly ignored me in group settings, and apparently she did it to others as well but didn't realize it. She constantly asked me for money so she can get food or ask to eat my food and even started eating some of it without my permission a couple times. He also has the tendency to just randomly leave without warning. Like we can all be sitting there and she just gets up and leaves or if it's one on one I may go use the restroom and when I come back she is gone. She is also judgemental and hypocritical. She does not like it when she hears about people having sex but then she goes on dating sites and sends nude photos of herself to someone or a couple people, one of them turning out to be a creep. And even though she doesn't say it, I can tell when she doesn't want to hang out because she will ignore all texts about it. For example, I'm supposed to meet her tomorrow at school so we can go hang out and she agreed a few days ago but now if I ask her if we are still on or what time she'll be there she will ignore it. But I'll send her a completely different text and she'll reply to that one. She has trouble being honest. Also if she is mad, she admitted that she doesn't tell the person directly. She either talks bad about that person or talks to them through text, or both. And now that it's summer, she just texts less and less and we are supposed to go to Kennywood as a group but she won't go unless someone from her high school goes. She did invite a complete stranger but he bailed out. So I feel like she is trying to pull away and is showing her true colors, especially since she is not returning to the school as a student due to academic suspension. Me and a few other people noticed and believe she never was a true friend. Also she is more than willing to drive 2 hours to go visit a friend at her old college but not 45 min. to an hour to visit any of us at home. Also she admitted to liking her old school better which is okay, that happens. Just think this whole time she never was a true friend and now she is really showing her true colors. She thinks it's okay for her to be blunt but when other people are honest to her, she gets really mad. Do you think I'm overreacting or no?

[Travelinglady]

Well, from what you say, she certainly doesn't sound like she knows how to be a good friend. She is likely returning to her old friends, too, because she wasn't successful at your school.

Probably best to just let her go, if that's what she wants, is my opinion.

[spoondogcuz]

I had a friend who was the same when I was at school.all these years later I see him around,he's treated everyone this way because he thinks he was better than everyone else and just takes a free ride of people when he can. She sounds the same. My advice..sit her Down with your other friends and let her know what she's doing isn't very nice and you won't stand for it and that if she's wiling to make a better approach too friendship with you then the door is open.

Kia Ora

Originally Posted by BPHS2010

Okay so I have this friend at my school that has been pulling away I think and I think may be revealing that she never was a true friend. She constantly ignored me in group settings, and apparently she did it to others as well but didn't realize it. She constantly asked me for money so she can get food or ask to eat my food and even started eating some of it without my permission a couple times. He also has the tendency to just randomly leave without warning. Like we can all be sitting there and she just gets up and leaves or if it's one on one I may go use the restroom and when I come back she is gone. She is also judgemental and hypocritical. She does not like it when she hears about people having sex but then she goes on dating sites and sends nude photos of herself to someone or a couple people, one of them turning out to be a creep. And even though she doesn't say it, I can tell when she doesn't want to hang out because she will ignore all texts about it. For example, I'm supposed to meet her tomorrow at school so we can go hang out and she agreed a few days ago but now if I ask her if we are still on or what time she'll be there she will ignore it. But I'll send her a completely different text and she'll reply to that one. She has trouble being honest. Also if she is mad, she admitted that she doesn't tell the person directly. She either talks bad about that person or talks to them through text, or both. And now that it's summer, she just texts less and less and we are supposed to go to Kennywood as a group but she won't go unless someone from her high school goes. She did invite a complete stranger but he bailed out. So I feel like she is trying to pull away and is showing her true colors, especially since she is not returning to the school as a student due to academic suspension. Me and a few other people noticed and believe she never was a true friend. Also she is more than willing to drive 2 hours to go visit a friend at her old college but not 45 min. to an hour to visit any of us at home. Also she admitted to liking her old school better which is okay, that happens. Just think this whole time she never was a true friend and now she is really showing her true colors. She thinks it's okay for her to be blunt but when other people are honest to her, she gets really mad. Do you think I'm overreacting or no?

To be honest, from waht you've said, she seems to have issues of her own, that clearly haven't been dealt with. I don't see her being purposefuly being rude and distant but considering she's done this to many others, it's something about her that she doesn't consciously choose to do. I dont' think it is personal to you at all.

I don't see it as fake as much as someone struggling to find their place in life and is confused on many levels. A person being fake implies intent of some sort and I don't see that in her actions. It's more of a bad habit, perhaps a social inability to connect with people fully. People who are fake have a motive, to gain someone's trust and it doesn't typically just happen that they being disingenuine and then suddenly stop. I think she tries to fit in and it falls apart on her, she doesn't know how to cope and thus leaves situations when she doesn't know what to do or is in "limbo" in some way. Her ignoring your texts are clear signs that she does not know how to deal with certain things or verbalize how she actually feels. It's a cop out and you end up with the short end of the stick but I really don't think she's doing any of this intentionally.

All taht being said I do think you should distance yourself. She has a lot of soul searching to do and finding herself before she can be close to anyone.

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Well, from what you say, she certainly doesn't sound like she knows how to be a good friend. She is likely returning to her old friends, too, because she wasn't successful at your school.

Probably best to just let her go, if that's what she wants, is my opinion.

I agree. She tends to bail out at the last minute when it comes to making plans. Like a few days ago she said she will meet up with me at school but then she suddenly said she couldn't go. Then a group of us went to Kennywood, she bailed at the last minute, I think because none of her high school friends or an internet friend could not go and she didn't want to feel left out by a couple that were going, so it was just me and two other people who were dating. She has bailed on many other plans too and also does not care to say goodbye to people when leaving especially for a long period of time. Also she is not a good listener, I try to confide in her but she gives no advice and usually ignores or apologizes superficially. I agree, she is definitely pulling away even though she never admitted it. Plain obvious.