[FatPenguin]

This is something that came up over the past few months.

I want to go, but I got vibes from two pivotal people in my life that I was not invited or not going to be invited.

One kept saying, "Oh, sure, you're invited", but never formally invited me or said a word about it.

Another said something to the effect of, "Oh, yeah... that would be GREAT if I see you there maybe!" Basically, you're not really invited, but if you show up, that's cool.

I think this is that moment where the rubber meets the road. Two people I'm frankly tired of giving my energy and friendship to and getting crumbs back as of late. A lot of crumbs. And I've also told them -- they know -- I want to go.

So I think I'm done.

When so-called "friends" don't see fit to bother to invite you to Comicon, I think that's the time to say, "Enough" and cut them out.

It's hard for me, because it's so hard for me to cut people out. SO hard. My friend tells me I need to learn how to do it. But I would be going from 4 people in my life to 2, one of whom I don't hear much from.

Sometimes you keep crappy people in your life because you have no one else. But you realize there are better people out there, better friends.

[hvert]

All the time you spend hanging out with crappy people is time you aren't spending meeting new people

For situations like this, it might be more satisfying to just go where you want without being dependent on maybe-friends for an invitation. It's a public event, right?

It's also possible that the first friend you mention really did think you were invited. It sounds like there is more backstory to this, though.

[healingme4me]

Do you need their permission, to go? Can't you go anyways?

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[FatPenguin]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Do you need their permission, to go? Can't you go anyways?

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Sure I can go. I don't want to go alone, that's pathetic, especially if these TWO people will be there. Awkward. I'll probably see them. "Oh... hey. We talk to you all the time and see you frequently, but we totally didn't invite you to this... so, what's up?" Completely awkward.

[FatPenguin]

Originally Posted by hvert

All the time you spend hanging out with crappy people is time you aren't spending meeting new people

For situations like this, it might be more satisfying to just go where you want without being dependent on maybe-friends for an invitation. It's a public event, right?

It's also possible that the first friend you mention really did think you were invited. It sounds like there is more backstory to this, though.

The first friend would just say "SURE you're invited!" but only after prompting, never actually said it himself, and nothing this week about it, leading up to it. Nothing.

That's not like the old days. Known him a long time. But we had a falling out, and I fixed it. Now I feel like it's just patched up a bit, and not much is there. I put all the effort into fixing it, he did nothing.

[venusss]

aren't comic cons filled with... sorta awkward people with common interest? It's not like you are going to an event you will not fit in......

[winter4me]

Do go, and don't think/worry about seeing the others, you don't have to be with them at all---------------you will meet others------------& you could ask someone to go with you.
You are naturally feeling very hurt and left out, your feelings are normal, but don't take it out on yourself by missing something you would enjoy. Take care of you.

I know this is a crazy idea: but what would happen if you addressed the issue directly before completely trashing two friendships?

[Voss]

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

I know this is a crazy idea: but what would happen if you addressed the issue directly before completely trashing two friendships?

I would go with this, as there are a lot of things that might be missing from the picture right now. When in doubt, get more information.

[tinyrabbit]

Why don't you ask if they've got tickets yet? Why are you giving them all the power?

[FatPenguin]

Originally Posted by Voss

I would go with this, as there are a lot of things that might be missing from the picture right now. When in doubt, get more information.

It's been addressed enough. I've talked about this stuff extensively, especially with the ex-girl... she knows I feel like she doesn't care, and she still doesn't care.

No need to hash it all over again. This is a test to see if they still care, and I see they don't. I shouldn't have to tell them to care.

[FatPenguin]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Why don't you ask if they've got tickets yet? Why are you giving them all the power?

They have tickets, one is already there, the other I know is going.

I don't care about the event so much as not being invited.

Originally Posted by FatPenguin

It's been addressed enough. I've talked about this stuff extensively, especially with the ex-girl... she knows I feel like she doesn't care, and she still doesn't care.

No need to hash it all over again. This is a test to see if they still care, and I see they don't. I shouldn't have to tell them to care.

That's not really fair.
They may assume you would explicitly say "are we going together?" if it meant that much to you. I would assume that from a friend before assuming they would dump a friendship over something they haven't said explicitly to me.

If you haven't explicitly said this, you haven't explicitly addressed the issue.

If you have, you haven't stated that [here] as far as I can see. It is possible I may have missed that part, though

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by FatPenguin

This is a test to see if they still care, and I see they don't. I shouldn't have to tell them to care.

I guess, the point here, for me, mirroring how I interpret Josie's reply is, are they aware they are being tested?

Isn't Linken Park supposed to be there? Thought I heard it advertised.

Seems you've passed an opportunity to be somewhere with like minded souls, dressing up, over two people.

Depending on your costume, would they have recognized you ?


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[Aiuto]

My teen daughter is all into Comicon. I went with her last year just me and her in Los Angeles over 4th of July. What she did was went to see all her cosplay and anime characters. She dressed up different every day different characters. This year my parents are taking her to same comicon in Los Angeles. My daughter is going to meet up with her internet friends that she has met doing anime groups etc on the internet only to hang with at event (because she is a teen). I had seen A LOT of people by themselves at event. And people would just run up and start talking about costume, character, and ask for picture. There is plenty of people you could find to start making new friends to replace the negatives.

I suggest you don't go to the one with the 2 people. You should just drive over to Cali for that event and start to set up new friends that you might know from anime groups from internet, and make plans to meet in Los Angeles. And forget those 2 nasty people and start meeting new people with the same interest of comicon. Do not let those 2 take your power they are not worth it. You could be doing better without their emotional abuse.

I had to let a lot of people out of my life because I own my power! And after it was done I believe it was the best thing for me and my life.

Keep us updated on what you decide to do and how it goes. Either way it is Comicon you will have fun by yourself.

[A Red Panda]

Testing people well, never works.....

You said you don't care so much about the Comicon as not being directly invited. Do you actually have an interest in the things that are present at the Comicon? (I'm unclear on if it's of any interest to you beyond doing something with people you know). If you don't really have an interest in the Comicon things, then it would make sense to not invite you to it.

To me, hearing someone going "Sure, you're invited!" is an invitation and even a bit of assumption that you would be attending. I wouldn't cut that person out when they did confirm that you were invited.

Of course, if being relatively excluded from the planning-process of things all the time is a pattern, then I'd be getting sick and tired of it too. But like others have said - you should try to be much more explicit with them instead of giving them a doomed test. Try asking "Why do you never invite me to things?" as opposed to telling them how you feel. Asking them a direct question requires an answer which could then lead into a discussion - but it wouldn't allow them to dance around the topic.

[FatPenguin]

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

That's not really fair.
They may assume you would explicitly say "are we going together?" if it meant that much to you. I would assume that from a friend before assuming they would dump a friendship over something they haven't said explicitly to me.

If you haven't explicitly said this, you haven't explicitly addressed the issue.

If you have, you haven't stated that [here] as far as I can see. It is possible I may have missed that part, though

*smh*

I just SAID I've already hashed it over more than enough. Of course I've explicitly addressed the issue!!!

[FatPenguin]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

Testing people well, never works.....

You said you don't care so much about the Comicon as not being directly invited. Do you actually have an interest in the things that are present at the Comicon? (I'm unclear on if it's of any interest to you beyond doing something with people you know). If you don't really have an interest in the Comicon things, then it would make sense to not invite you to it.

To me, hearing someone going "Sure, you're invited!" is an invitation and even a bit of assumption that you would be attending. I wouldn't cut that person out when they did confirm that you were invited.

Of course, if being relatively excluded from the planning-process of things all the time is a pattern, then I'd be getting sick and tired of it too. But like others have said - you should try to be much more explicit with them instead of giving them a doomed test. Try asking "Why do you never invite me to things?" as opposed to telling them how you feel. Asking them a direct question requires an answer which could then lead into a discussion - but it wouldn't allow them to dance around the topic.

MY GOD! I just EXPLAINED I DID NOT EXPRESS TO THEM I HAVE NO INTEREST IN COMICON! They don't know that!

It's over. Both of them got an "F" on this issue, and one of them I'm completely destroying the fake friendship. The other is next.

[FatPenguin]

Originally Posted by Aiuto

My teen daughter is all into Comicon. I went with her last year just me and her in Los Angeles over 4th of July. What she did was went to see all her cosplay and anime characters. She dressed up different every day different characters. This year my parents are taking her to same comicon in Los Angeles. My daughter is going to meet up with her internet friends that she has met doing anime groups etc on the internet only to hang with at event (because she is a teen). I had seen A LOT of people by themselves at event. And people would just run up and start talking about costume, character, and ask for picture. There is plenty of people you could find to start making new friends to replace the negatives.

I suggest you don't go to the one with the 2 people. You should just drive over to Cali for that event and start to set up new friends that you might know from anime groups from internet, and make plans to meet in Los Angeles. And forget those 2 nasty people and start meeting new people with the same interest of comicon. Do not let those 2 take your power they are not worth it. You could be doing better without their emotional abuse.

I had to let a lot of people out of my life because I own my power! And after it was done I believe it was the best thing for me and my life.

Keep us updated on what you decide to do and how it goes. Either way it is Comicon you will have fun by yourself.

Maybe you're right. But not this time. This is not the time. I need to rid myself of these fake friendships first.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by FatPenguin

*smh*

I just SAID I've already hashed it over more than enough. Of course I've explicitly addressed the issue!!!

Originally Posted by FatPenguin

MY GOD! I just EXPLAINED I DID NOT EXPRESS TO THEM I HAVE NO INTEREST IN COMICON! They don't know that!

It's over. Both of them got an "F" on this issue, and one of them I'm completely destroying the fake friendship. The other is next.

Seems like you had other lingering reasons to end the fake friendships. Clearly, as stated, they weren't enough of friends to know you have no interest in comicon. It's probably for the best.
Perhaps, in time, you'll connect with more attentive and in tune friends, that would know what you do and don't like, and will know they are on rocky ground and able to rectify the situation before friendships are lost.

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[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by FatPenguin

MY GOD! I just EXPLAINED I DID NOT EXPRESS TO THEM I HAVE NO INTEREST IN COMICON! They don't know that!

It's over. Both of them got an "F" on this issue, and one of them I'm completely destroying the fake friendship. The other is next.

You don't need to yell at me; that's disrespectful of you when I was simply giving you my thoughts on your issue.

And just because you haven't told them you don't have an interest in Comicon.... doesn't mean that they don't already know. Through what I know of my friends, without ever talking about something like Comicon with them.. I know which ones would be interested, who wouldn't, and who would go along just to humour me. That just takes knowing a bit about my friends. Perhaps yours knew it wasn't an interest area for you.

But honestly? Exploding at someone on an internet forum because they've given you their thoughts? You might perhaps want to re-examine how you treat your friends...

This is an observation. Title of this thread: "I was not invited to Comicon by two "friends", should I cut them out permanently?"

Point of this observation:
Was this an actual question and were you seeking advice, or did you need to discuss and process?

It's important in this situation to clarify that. Not necessarily for the other people in the discussion [though that is helpful often because it cuts down on frustration- it's really not pleasant to have the equivalent of someone yelling at you when you are only trying to offer advice in response to what seems like a specific request for it], but also for yourself.

If you were legitimately asking the question, the confusion comes in because from your very first post you have nearly already made your decision for yourself, which seems to demonstrate a pretty negative outlook and it appears you are convinced of a negative outcome.

Maybe you could look at that. Is that a pattern for you? Or is it just that in this specific situation you have just reached a "no return" point of frustration?

Asking yourself these questions may help you figure out to some degree what happened in the unraveling of these relationships and help you to see these things before they reach the disintegration point in the future.

Another thing to do might even be sitting down just by yourself and establishing for your own benefit what you are or are not willing to accept in a friendship- what you need in a friendship, what you can give and what is a "real" friendship versus what constitutes a "fake" friendship may prove to be more helpful in the long run.

Also, no don't yell at people who are trying to help.

maybe just a "I appreciate that you are trying to help, but it's not working for me" or some such thing.

Josie.

Originally Posted by JosieTheGirl

This is an observation. Title of this thread: "I was not invited to Comicon by two "friends", should I cut them out permanently?"

Point of this observation:
Was this an actual question and were you seeking advice, or did you need to discuss and process?

It's important in this situation to clarify that. Not necessarily for the other people in the discussion [though that is helpful often because it cuts down on frustration- it's really not pleasant to have the equivalent of someone yelling at you when you are only trying to offer advice in response to what seems like a specific request for it], but also for yourself.

If you were legitimately asking the question, the confusion comes in because from your very first post you have nearly already made your decision for yourself, which seems to demonstrate a pretty negative outlook and it appears you are convinced of a negative outcome.

Maybe you could look at that. Is that a pattern for you? Or is it just that in this specific situation you have just reached a "no return" point of frustration?

Asking yourself these questions may help you figure out to some degree what happened in the unraveling of these relationships and help you to see these things before they reach the disintegration point in the future.

Another thing to do might even be sitting down just by yourself and establishing for your own benefit what you are or are not willing to accept in a friendship- what you need in a friendship, what you can give and what is a "real" friendship versus what constitutes a "fake" friendship may prove to be more helpful in the long run.

Also, no don't yell at people who are trying to help.

maybe just a "I appreciate that you are trying to help, but it's not working for me" or some such thing.

Josie.

Agree wholeheartedly with this. If you want advice, ask it but be open and respectful when you respond. No one here has interests in mind other than trying to help you with your problem so why be so standoffish with those here trying to be supportive? Even if you don't like the answer there is no need to yell, no need to "smh" at people and condescend others as if they "don't get it" Because frankly if you have it all figured out, why are you here?

I never understood the mentality behind "I don't really care about the event but I wnat to be invited anyway." That is just pure attention seeking and looking out for your own needs, has nothing to do with spending time with the other people whatsoever.

And regardless of whether you expressed that you have very little interest overtly, the truth is I would bet top dollar that they know.

[waiting4]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

I never understood the mentality behind "I don't really care about the event but I wnat to be invited anyway." That is just pure attention seeking and looking out for your own needs, has nothing to do with spending time with the other people whatsoever.

And I'm not thrilled about the whole 'testing' thing another poster also mentioned. Seems like you set them up to fail because you knew they were going to. Testing your friends is never a good idea, in fact, setting up a test for anyone (unless you're a teacher) is a pretty negative way to handle ANY relationship.

And yeah...the shouting had 'wrong' all over it.