[Mr. Michael]

I was lucky to start my career early at 21. But I became bored of my company at 23 and moved 500 miles away from home to SoCal. I liked SoCal and my new job but over the years I got more and more homesick. After getting married and having 1 child I decided to move back home. But I couldn't afford to live close to my family (parents, siblings). So I was still 45 minutes away. Immediately, I thought it was the wrong decision. I had to start all over in a new company, doing things at had done 14 years ago as a newbie. I thought it would be worth it for family support. But my wife didn't like the new town and my family didn't visit or support us that much. I had a tough decision to make, but after 4 months I ended up moving back to SoCal. Now back in SoCal the same feeling of being homesick are back but even stronger. I miss my hometown, I miss my parents, and I"m sad that my child will not grow up next to my parents. I feel anxiety. I feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be.


The anxiety is saying “you are not going down the right path. You are suppose to be living close to where you grew up and be in management. You’re supposed to be married with 2 kids, and a nice house in your hometown. You did it wrong. Now your kids won’t get time with their grandparents or cousins. They won’t know anything about your hometown. You’re parents will get old and die in the blink of an eye and you’ll deeply regret not spending time with them. But now you tried it and you either chose the wrong company or town to move to, or you just couldn’t stick it out. So now you just made it worse. And you’re not even talking to your parents anymore. You should have stayed with your original company. You look like you can’t make up your mind by switching companies so much.”


I feel like I have most of the equation- Good job, amazing wife and son, great health, beautiful place to live. But it’s just not in the right place. I can’t let go of my hometown. I feel like if I let it go I’m abandoning my childhood, my family, everything that made me who I am. But I can’t find a way to bring my life back to my hometown. How will I afford a house there. What will people say if I start a new company again (if that was even an option). Would my wife even go for that again? Now that I’m back in SoCal I find myself looking for future ways to get back to by hometown but under different conditions. Should I go management to another company someday. Should I start a business and leave the company all together.


Those are the thoughts in my mind and the feeling is one of a pit in my stomach, overwhelming sadness, frustration, and a sense of being lost. I don’t feel worthless or no good. I feel very capable and that’s where the frustration comes in, because I haven’t been able to fix this or get through it. I have an amazing family- wife and son. I have a great job. I’m in great health. Yet, I have this attachment and draw that are holding me prisoner. I feel like time is moving fast and I’m not fully enjoying it because something is missing. But somehow that move didn’t work… but why? Things in the past have often worked out perfect for me, why is this not working?

I feel like I’ve lost my motivation. I feel beat, not sure where to go from here. This was my one goal. The thing kept me up at night. I’m not sure where it went wrong. But I’ve lost sight of anything I want to accomplish. I can’t tell the difference between something I’m not happy with and something that I just can’t appreciate. Gosh, I can't figure this one out and it's driving me crazy!!

[nevs]

Wanting to live close to family is pretty normal. If you don't feel complete without them being close then find a way to fix it. If you can't move back try to call them on a regular basis. Skype or Tango them so that your son can see their faces and hear their voices, include them in your day to day life so that they wont feel so far away. A good job that will give you the financial ability to live where you want will open up eventually, but until then you have to resign yourself to where you are at now. Things can always change. If this is your dream then your wife will probably understand. We all struggle with our path in life, feeling as if we should be doing this or regretting our past decisions. It is our strength in these trying situations that defines us. You will find your way back home if that is where you are meant to be.

[Nobodyandnothing]

Have you discussed this situation with your wife and does she agree? It seems that you may be making all the decisions for your family without her input. Does she have a career, friends, etc. which she would be leaving? If you take a job with less pay, that will affect her too. Sounds like family meeting time.

[Mr. Michael]

That's actually really good advice and the conclusion I'm starting to come to. Thanks so much!