[Aspiring Lion]

My entire family, including myself, is a bit dysfunctional; we have a number of issues with our very selves (my mother, the very, very least); we have had issues getting on with each other. I will start with my parents and end with my elder siblings.

Mother:

-I have no major issues with her at all. I don't find her to be very difficult, overall, compared to the rest of my family.

-She works to provide for all of us. I do my part in making things between us easier; if she asks me to do something, by all means, it gets done.

-I do everything to help myself before I ask others for assistance; my mother needs something out of me, every now and then.

-She can be a little too demanding at times; she is not very open-minded, at times; she does things rather peculiarly (That may not be a proper word); and, we do disagree on issues like religion and lifestyle.

-In the end, she is extraordinarily patient, and, below, you will find out why.

-She and I respect each other regardless of whatever path we take, and, we have no hard feelings with one another.

-I told my mother I will live my own life and pursue my own happiness; at the same time, when she tells me about something or teaches me about life, I will keep her words to heart as there is a high chance she will be right.

Father:

-Before I talk about him, know that I don't hate him or have any ill feelings towards him, I only wish he taught me how to be a man.

-I, along with my elder siblings have learned many of his destructive behaviours. When I was an autistic child, my mind was easy prey for him; just recently, I have started making an effort to unlearn those behaviours and become the man he never was.

-His tragic flaw was he had a great deal of pride.

-His father was emotionally abusive and abused him and his two brothers and four sisters.

-To this day, he fights with all his siblings and does not get along with them at all.

-He was never able to maintain relationships with others, starting with my mother and the rest of the family, as well as many other people outside. The reason why is because he has done some things like speak heated topics, bluntly, pick a beef with the issues of others, etc. Part of learning to live with others is accepting them for the very person they are, good and bad traits. Because of this, he is lonely.

-He does things like collect lots of material items that overflow his surroundings, and, it seems he eats comfort foods out of emotion.

-He will be difficult no matter what because he never listens to anyone and his mother did not set him straight. So, I must learn to deal with him.

-My father never really sought any kind of help from a psychiatrist and/or psychologist; he is distrustful of mental health, overall.

Sister:

-She is slightly less difficult than my father, but, she is hard to deal with in many ways.

-She also has a number of learned behaviours from my father, despite, almost always associating with my mother.

-We men talk about how women are difficult and complex, she is that, and, combined with some of the negative personality traits of my father, she is a beast of her own to deal with.

-She has a pretty erratic dispostion in general;

-She gets really happy and excited quickly when she likes and enjoys something, as it seems.

-There is a possibility she will become depressed if she is involved in something she dislikes; another possibility when she is negative is, she expresses her emotions openly to the family. If I, or any other male in our family does something she does not like, she has a major temper and stays angry the entire day.

-When we sit and talk about the dispute, she speaks out of her bottled anger, from what it seems.

-She says when she listens, she puts up with it for some time, and, when she hears it a certain number of times, she says it bottles up inside and she has a temper.

-Going places with her feels very demanding. She does spoil herself and she does have things to do, so, I go along and bear with it, though, I don't do a very good job.

-She has an unrealistic as well as a black-and-white view of the world. In other words, she takes for granted all the possible outcomes that exist and the chance they will be reality. It also means she is rather naive.

-I told her I want to live for me and pursue my own happiness; I also told her I will honour my parents' words while I am at it. She disagrees and says I need to listen to everything my parents say and do everything to make them happy, to summarise what she implies. In other words, be totally conforming even if it means not doing what makes you happy.

-When I live to do my thing, she says, "I'm acting white." or "Stop acting like a white person; start acting like an Indian." Yes, I do acknowledge that white privilege exists, and, some things are based on what they do, but, at certain points in history, many other ethnicities defined what was socially acceptable; very soon, the Chinese will start doing that, again, from what it appears. (My apologies to all the white people on here! I don't hate you for what you look like.). As I said, while I do believe white privilege exists worldwide, every person needs to do their part in bringing racial equality; once we have racial equality, we drop the idea of race altogether, because racism is nothing more than a tool to divide and conquer common people like ourselves. But for now, I keep my head down, do my thing, and break the prejudice of others through love, patience, and forgiveness.

-When my mother suggested she seek mental help, she was not committed to it and she refused.

-From what it seems, she does not open her mind to the world out there; she is ignorant in many ways and cannot seem to learn about the uniqueness of those around her, including her dearest kin.

-She always complains about my brother and me being spoiled, rotten, and sheltered, but, there are times when she asks me to do things and she comes off as very needy. She talks about how she lived with so little in India and putting up with other peoples' nonsense. She has my mother and her husband buy her the stuff she wants every once in a while and she gets a slight attitude when she does not get it.

-Sometimes, if I don't do things for her, she complains and says I don't do too many chores and I need to clean after myself, but, at the same time, she does leave a bit of a mess every now and then; sometimes, I have to clean after her; she will take a few days (as will I, usually) to clean after herself. The trash bags fill up very quickly and the sink gets filled with dishes as well. She does do her share of cleaning, but, she can only do so much. I need to make time out of my busy schedule to pitch in. I hate to make excuses, but, it's much to keep up with the dishes, laundy, and trash of not just mine, but, hers, as well as my mother's.

-I wish she would look at herself before she utters criticisms of others. When she criticises, she's very blatant and she does not explain why something I do is wrong and how I should fix it.

-If I have an opinion of dislike, especially, my negative views about religion (please, try not to take this personally; we're all entitled to our religious belief or non-belief), she tells me her opinion and I, unfortunately, get myself caught in a dispute where I am defencive, and, she gets angry when I attempt to avoid conflict. I refused to put up with her trying to make me see her view of religion and I went into my room and closed the door. I think I have unintentionally provoked the conflict.

-I admire my mother and brother-in-law for having the patience to put up with her. If she will not change her ways, at least let me work to have the patience to accept her person and learn to live with her.

Brother:

-At times, he can be easygoing and laid back; half of the time, he does not care too much about how I go about life. Sometimes, he is funny and has a playful side.

-He can be a bit too stern at times as well as being callous.

-He tends to be a bit pessimistic.

-He tells me how introverted he is and how he hates people in general. Yes, the people we come across get on our nerves and do stupid things; I am not much different at times. I only wish he could make an effort to be forgiving and patient with everyone. I hope he starts with himself before everyone else.

-In the past, when I was going through great distress, he invested energy in trying to set me straight, but, whenever I or anyone else in the family did the same, he either did not consider it or he refused it outright.

-When he is put in an undesired circumstance, he gets mopy and feels down.

-When my mother also told him to seek mental help, he refused.

-When I talk to him about my troubles or speaking in general about them, he gives me hard advice.

-When he tries to set me straight, he comes off as authoritative. I only wish he was a little more assertive.

-He is a rather erratic person. I have not fully figured him out.

-It seems like half of his mind is in reality, but, the other half is troubled.

-Unlike my father and sister, I don't have as much difficulty, but, I have more with him than my mother.

As I said, I can't change who they are, so, I must change how I deal with them.

If I am that difficult to deal with, I will do everything to make myself easier.

Are family members supposed to be difficult? Or, can they be a bit easy as well?

I don't have this much difficulty with my friends, but, that's different.

I called my psychologist's office to see him ASAP, but, I may very well have to wait till Thursday, but, his receptionist will let me know of an earlier opening.

I won't see my psychiatrist until the middle of next month.

So, while I wait to visit to see what kind of advice they can give me, I will see if anyone can give me some advice to set me straight and learn to deal with this hardship.

If I can deal with the difficult members of my family, I can deal with any difficult person.

On a side note,

I have to say, unlike the doctors of my past, this doctor actually took the time to extensively diagnose me and examined me further to see what kind of diagnosis he could come up with. The other doctors before him were a bit short-sighted with their diagnosis.

Also, he listens more than he speaks; the doctors before him were doing most of the speaking.

A psychiatrist like him is so hard to come by.

Before him, all the doctors I have seen since 2007 have unintentionally created more issues with their medication and their respective side-effects.

Over the course of that time, I lost my work ethic, my good sleeping habits, and, my healthy lifestyle and became obese.

Early last year, I was unhappy, obese, and, drained of whatever passion for life I once had, so, I developed a strong distrust for psychiatrists because I felt they would get in my way.

When I saw this doctor in August 2013, I was cynical to begin with, but, I couldn't have been more wrong than I was. He not only improved my mental well-being, but, I have lost weight, I work even harder, I sleep well, and, I have never been more passionate about life than ever before.

[gayleggg]

I'm glad you have been able to find a doctor that is helping you, that is not always easy.

As far as your family is concerned, it sounds like you are doing your best to get along. I think you have probably already figured out you cannot change your family members. All you can do is try not to let them get you down.

As far as other families, there are plenty who live with disfunction. Even as your read more on PC you'll see a lot of people have disfunctional families and get by the best they can. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and have learned a lot about people. Just keep working on yourself and try to get along with the other best as you can.

[hvert]

You make shrewd observations! If you were writing a description of yourself as you wrote descriptions of your family members, what would you say? Not that you have to answer here, but it might be an interesting exercise to observe your own behaviors in the same sort of style-- especially since the only thing you can change is the way you act/react to these situations

I don't know about all families, but a lot of people find their families difficult to deal with. Even though I like most of my family members, they can get on my nerves, as I get on theirs. I also find that sometimes I am closer to one person than another, but that person may change over time i.e. sometimes I feel closer to one brother, sometimes the other. It sounds like you can see good and bad in all of your family members, with the exception of your father, so you have a good start in getting along!